eNe Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 ^ glad you liked it. ------- George is an 8 year old kid. One night, he enters his parents' bedroom without knocking the door, and sees that they are doing something unfamiliar to him. Out of his curiousity he asks his dad: "Dad, what are you doing?" His dad replies: "I'm having sex." George: "Is it a good thing?" Dad: "Sure, sex is the best." George: "So, can I have some sex too?" His dad gives George a smack, and tells him to go back to his room. Years pass, and George grows up, but deep inside he always remains hurt from the first and only time his dad hit him. As he enters his 20s, he starts dating girls, and getting intimate with them too. One day he is at his bedroom with his girfriend, when his best friend Michael enters from the window. Michael: "Dude, I just,. . . whoa, whoa!!!. . . hey George watcha doin'?" George: "What do you mean what am I doing? I'm having sex." Michael: "You're having sex?" George: "Yes, I'm having sex." Michael: "Is it a good thing?" George: "Sure, sex is the best." Michael: "So, can I have some sex too?" George: "Sure you can. I'm not selfish like my dad." Quote
Pix Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 The Brothel ParrotA woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said "New house, new madame." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing. When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madame, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. "New house, new madame, new whores, but the same clients! Hi Keith!" Quote
benoticed Posted December 19, 2009 Posted December 19, 2009 whats the difference between tiger woods and santa?santa only had 3 ho's Quote
siniko Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped."I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl."Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25... Quote
Limerlight Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Friend told me this one: What's the difference between a wife and a job? After 5 years your job still sucks Quote
Vanessa_gxox Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 ^ I DONT GET IT cause im too innocent. HAH, no im kidding,that's a good one! Quote
Rox Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me. Lame, but I love lame jokes. Quote
midnight lady Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 lol lame ones are usually the funniest one, because their answer is so random it makes you laugh Quote
azgirl Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Has anyone seen this one..UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!! One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in"Slim Fast". Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ' What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!! Quote
azgirl Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I Want to Buy ThatA blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!" Quote
Limerlight Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Has anyone seen this one..UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!! One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in "Slim Fast". Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ' What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!! oh my Thanks AZ! Quote
iceeagel Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 copy&paste An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football." A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7" Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, switch sides" Quote
iceeagel Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first." The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler," replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?" "Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender. "Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said. The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said. So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. "I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye. "Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender. "That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop." The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle. The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!" Quote
AnaBBarrosFan Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights.I've heard that one so many times it's sad. <_< Quote
russellb Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Why do women wear make up and perfume?-Because they are all ugly and they stink. Quote
AnaBBarrosFan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Why do women wear make up and perfume?-Because they are all ugly and they stink.I find it infinitely disappointing that I actually laughed at that. Quote
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