Eating Disorder

[Hime]

if you wanna eat something "serious", you can eat once a day, that's what I do

I limit myself on food anyday except for holidays(b-days & X-mas) and I don't really look like a boy or something I just don't look like a "woman"

[Lyon]

okok! I understand now Whatever you like, just keep healthy, and I keep loving you :trout:

[Hime]

what an ultimatum- of course your love is more important to me

[PinkVanilla.]

did you ever had an ED Alexis?

[midnight lady]

but still you got over the hard part...now the next things that come are easier to deal with! the important thing is to get out of the hole and than clean the dirt

[Ariesdior]

I keep coming to this thread and I always want to say something but I'm kinda scared to say anything so finally I'm just gonna come out and say it. I have suffered from anorexia and bulimia. At this moment I'm not really suffering from it. It started when I was about 14 and it got really bad for me when I was 15. My mom sent me to a treatment center. Earlier this year I did kinda start doing it again and even now I do sometimes don't eat. I think it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life which I hate. Now I'm trying to take it day by day.

[Layla90]

^ ow, I would never suppose you had an ED...

I've never suffered from anorexia or bulimia... Sure, I wouldn't out myself as an example of a healthy girl, but still...

It pisses me off when my dad calls me anorexic because I don't feel like eating something at the moment. It pisses me off how little knowledge people have about eating disorders. Some people are like "oh she's anorexic? So why did she start dieting, what a stupid teen" or something similar. Ugh. It's so annoying.

[Ariesdior]

I have a friend who doesn't understand ED and thinks if he just tells me I'm gorgeous all the time that it will cure me. I really wish it would but it doesn't. My father also would say negative comments to me about my weight. my dad is was very healthy and always ate right and worked out. I mean he lived with skin cancer for 19 years so he was in great shape. But when I was younger he would tell me I need to watch what i eat and I should work out bc I'm getting chubby and Im not as thin as my other sisters. So that helped but those thoughts in my mind. I don't blame him solely for having an ed but I think he did play a part in it some way.

[azgirl]

I believe everything in our lives help influence our self image as well as determine our health and emotional being. Everything in our life contributes to how and who our image of our self is today.. Parents play a critical role in development in certain ways but it is generally only a contributor all of the other influences and of course our base personality. I really wish everyone can see how beautifully perfect they are in the image naturally given to them .. but unfortunately this is more often missed and unseen by the most important view; ourself.

[Layla90]

I have a friend who doesn't understand ED and thinks if he just tells me I'm gorgeous all the time that it will cure me. I really wish it would but it doesn't. My father also would say negative comments to me about my weight. my dad is was very healthy and always ate right and worked out. I mean he lived with skin cancer for 19 years so he was in great shape. But when I was younger he would tell me I need to watch what i eat and I should work out bc I'm getting chubby and Im not as thin as my other sisters. So that helped but those thoughts in my mind. I don't blame him solely for having an ed but I think he did play a part in it some way.

[Baby]

I keep coming to this thread and I always want to say something but I'm kinda scared to say anything so finally I'm just gonna come out and say it. I have suffered from anorexia and bulimia. At this moment I'm not really suffering from it. It started when I was about 14 and it got really bad for me when I was 15. My mom sent me to a treatment center. Earlier this year I did kinda start doing it again and even now I do sometimes don't eat. I think it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life which I hate. Now I'm trying to take it day by day.

it's the first time i come and i read this thread. i think i always tried to stay far away from this thread.

i think you're "lucky" you because your "family" support you and it's sometimes good. about your father i think if he doesn't understand your problem, he won't.

it's really sad to know that people can be able to judge you about your physic when they know it can destroy you.

unfortunately, sometimes i think the problem is not the fact to be slim or fat the the people's behavior... how they interact with us... and i think you're right. this sickness can follow you all your life

my family know my bulimia but they don't take care of it.

i talk about my problem with my friends but i never talked about it with my parents. they allowed me "everything" (but they want to se me married with a very rich guy but they are against my voluntary in associations and when i became vegetarian during months my dad was very angry, he insulted me as to be vegeratian was one of the worst thing of earth. his behavior was just crazy.) and the never told me "make your homework, you must be at home at 8pm, don't smoke, don't drink". at first because i lived in hospital i was "free" but i never be a "difficult" kid.

when i was 13 years old they allowed me to drink alcohol, to smoke, to have sex, to drive a motorbike, go in nightclub, my mum spent her time to influence me to date with her friends. my parents had friends of 23/30 years old and because i looked older the boys turned around me and and my mum didn't stop to say "oh, you should date with this guy, he is great", they ask me to come with them in casino in 15 years old, the striptease club when i was 16 years old, and sadomasochiste club when i was 18 years old. not they are SM but the club owner was one of their friends.

and at 17 years old when i had the crazy idea to be astrologue they accepted. so i was in the youngest student in official school in europe... and i think if i don't stop to make breaks in the end i will be the oldest too.

i always be "free" and prisonner in same time.

when i was with my friends, my parents always talked with us, when i was at phone my mum stayed near to my bedroom's door ti listen my conversations, she spyed me. she thought she was discret but she wasn't... etc etc etc.

i think they tried to be "teenagers" to proxy. they wanted to be 25 years old so they used me to feel younger. now i hide everything, i refused to introduce my friends, my boyfriends. i can be very "secret"

i always be more "mature" than the kids of my age and when i was 13/14 years old i spent my time with my teachers. i really loved my history/geography and french teachers. i was their best pupils and i spent my time to talk with them one of my french teacher, Amandine, was often at home... sometimes we left the school together in her car, she lived at miles from my house but it wasn't a problem for us and when i was sick she always tried to come at home or give a call to have some news.

when she left the france for the new caledonia she sent me adorable letters.

i love her so much. she is a sweetheart.

my family is "special"... my mum lived in a house with 4 tranies, her sister is maried with a black men, my great grand mother from my mum was divorced to my great grand father and my grandmother lived with him. my great grand mother remarried with a guy really younger than her and it was sometimes rare there are 60 years old. my adoptive cousine is lesbian and my grandfather commited a suicide the last year (not because he was depresive but because he wanted to have a "good end". from my dad side, his sister his lesbian and pollygame. she was clothes designer and worked for thierry mugler but now she lives in the south of france and make pottery on cars park with her 2 girlfriends, her sister is clother designer too but she works since 11 or 12 years for a very famous french actor, Gerard Depardieu and we think she never will be married, his father was married to a women of 18 years younger than him (his sisters' mother) and my dad's cousine is lesbian too and another of his cousin (a boy) is married to his own cousine :x

so in this kind of familly, where everybody is very free it's hard to find limits... and teenagers need limits, they need attention and i never have this attention.

when my dad was accused of pedophilia by my grandfather and my aunt and when my dad tried to commited a suicide i think i was totaly lost and i needed limits but because of the situation i think it should be egoist from me to focus on my problems and i think they thought my bulimia was a fantasia to attract their attention... as a regression. you know, like a kid who will urinate in his bed because now he has a little brother and he regress to have the parents' attention.

my parents refused to see me regressed and i evacuated all my violence, my pain with the bulimia

i tried to have limits, to find an autority, something who can say "stop it". they take care of me but not as i want. they never be normal parents and my bulimia helped me to keep a control on my life. i think it was a way to have their attention too and i never have it. they never try to understand me. the only think they did was "buy more food".

i destroyed myself and even if they knew they never tried to help me and i don't understand why because they always knew i'm sick.

they always were here to pay a dress of 2000 or 3000 euros but i could killed myself just in front of them and they won't react.

they aren't bad person but they are just blind, they understand nothing. their priorities and their limits are crazy and even if i love them i prefered to kill myself than to be like them.

they are all the time together since 30 years old. they do everything together and when i watch them i just wonder "where is the love ?" as all their life was a routine.

their private life is so boring than they need to live another life by proxy and i think that's why they allowed me everything, they always say "yes" but in same time they never take care of the things i could feel.

they were in paris with me and they are felt there are two days and i just feel so much better and my bulimia crisis are less important.

i try to rebuild myself, try to find the good way where i could be peaceful with myself and people around me.

make voluntary in association is a good way to calm me. i have the feeling i make something positive of my life. i'm less angry. i give my time, my love, to people and this is good for me.

i think one day i will be enough strong to stop the bulimia.

just hope it will be soon.

[geo]

I would like to lose weight but naturaly, what do you recomend?

[midnight lady]

I keep coming to this thread and I always want to say something but I'm kinda scared to say anything so finally I'm just gonna come out and say it. I have suffered from anorexia and bulimia. At this moment I'm not really suffering from it. It started when I was about 14 and it got really bad for me when I was 15. My mom sent me to a treatment center. Earlier this year I did kinda start doing it again and even now I do sometimes don't eat. I think it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life which I hate. Now I'm trying to take it day by day.

it's the first time i come and i read this thread. i think i always tried to stay far away from this thread.

i think you're "lucky" you because your "family" support you and it's sometimes good. about your father i think if he doesn't understand your problem, he won't.

it's really sad to know that people can be able to judge you about your physic when they know it can destroy you.

unfortunately, sometimes i think the problem is not the fact to be slim or fat the the people's behavior... how they interact with us... and i think you're right. this sickness can follow you all your life

my family know my bulimia but they don't take care of it.

i talk about my problem with my friends but i never talked about it with my parents. they allowed me "everything" (but they want to se me married with a very rich guy but they are against my voluntary in associations and when i became vegetarian during months my dad was very angry, he insulted me as to be vegeratian was one of the worst thing of earth. his behavior was just crazy.) and the never told me "make your homework, you must be at home at 8pm, don't smoke, don't drink". at first because i lived in hospital i was "free" but i never be a "difficult" kid.

when i was 13 years old they allowed me to drink alcohol, to smoke, to have sex, to drive a motorbike, go in nightclub, my mum spent her time to influence me to date with her friends. my parents had friends of 23/30 years old and because i looked older the boys turned around me and and my mum didn't stop to say "oh, you should date with this guy, he is great", they ask me to come with them in casino in 15 years old, the striptease club when i was 16 years old, and sadomasochiste club when i was 18 years old. not they are SM but the club owner was one of their friends.

and at 17 years old when i had the crazy idea to be astrologue they accepted. so i was in the youngest student in official school in europe... and i think if i don't stop to make breaks in the end i will be the oldest too.

i always be "free" and prisonner in same time.

when i was with my friends, my parents always talked with us, when i was at phone my mum stayed near to my bedroom's door ti listen my conversations, she spyed me. she thought she was discret but she wasn't... etc etc etc.

i think they tried to be "teenagers" to proxy. they wanted to be 25 years old so they used me to feel younger. now i hide everything, i refused to introduce my friends, my boyfriends. i can be very "secret"

i always be more "mature" than the kids of my age and when i was 13/14 years old i spent my time with my teachers. i really loved my history/geography and french teachers. i was their best pupils and i spent my time to talk with them one of my french teacher, Amandine, was often at home... sometimes we left the school together in her car, she lived at miles from my house but it wasn't a problem for us and when i was sick she always tried to come at home or give a call to have some news.

when she left the france for the new caledonia she sent me adorable letters.

i love her so much. she is a sweetheart.

my family is "special"... my mum lived in a house with 4 tranies, her sister is maried with a black men, my great grand mother from my mum was divorced to my great grand father and my grandmother lived with him. my great grand mother remarried with a guy really younger than her and it was sometimes rare there are 60 years old. my adoptive cousine is lesbian and my grandfather commited a suicide the last year (not because he was depresive but because he wanted to have a "good end". from my dad side, his sister his lesbian and pollygame. she was clothes designer and worked for thierry mugler but now she lives in the south of france and make pottery on cars park with her 2 girlfriends, her sister is clother designer too but she works since 11 or 12 years for a very famous french actor, Gerard Depardieu and we think she never will be married, his father was married to a women of 18 years younger than him (his sisters' mother) and my dad's cousine is lesbian too and another of his cousin (a boy) is married to his own cousine :x

so in this kind of familly, where everybody is very free it's hard to find limits... and teenagers need limits, they need attention and i never have this attention.

when my dad was accused of pedophilia by my grandfather and my aunt and when my dad tried to commited a suicide i think i was totaly lost and i needed limits but because of the situation i think it should be egoist from me to focus on my problems and i think they thought my bulimia was a fantasia to attract their attention... as a regression. you know, like a kid who will urinate in his bed because now he has a little brother and he regress to have the parents' attention.

my parents refused to see me regressed and i evacuated all my violence, my pain with the bulimia

i tried to have limits, to find an autority, something who can say "stop it". they take care of me but not as i want. they never be normal parents and my bulimia helped me to keep a control on my life. i think it was a way to have their attention too and i never have it. they never try to understand me. the only think they did was "buy more food".

i destroyed myself and even if they knew they never tried to help me and i don't understand why because they always knew i'm sick.

they always were here to pay a dress of 2000 or 3000 euros but i could killed myself just in front of them and they won't react.

they aren't bad person but they are just blind, they understand nothing. their priorities and their limits are crazy and even if i love them i prefered to kill myself than to be like them.

they are all the time together since 30 years old. they do everything together and when i watch them i just wonder "where is the love ?" as all their life was a routine.

their private life is so boring than they need to live another life by proxy and i think that's why they allowed me everything, they always say "yes" but in same time they never take care of the things i could feel.

they were in paris with me and they are felt there are two days and i just feel so much better and my bulimia crisis are less important.

i try to rebuild myself, try to find the good way where i could be peaceful with myself and people around me.

make voluntary in association the who calm me. i have the feeling to make something positive of my life. i'm less angry. i give my time, my love, to people and this is possitive for me.

i think one day i will be enough strong to stop the bulimia.

just hope it will be soon.

This is so sad, I really sincerely feel with you...I really believe that parents ought to have curfews, and not try to act like they allow you everything when they really mistrust you and in this way they try to gain your confidence...

Mine are something like that, but not that they are really uncaring. They allow me almost everything, but my mom always wants to come and take me if I stay at a party later and I hate this when I could as well some back with a cab-they simply don't believe even when they know that I can't lie

Not that this is similar to your case but I agree with you for the boundaries thing...I rather wished that they wouldn't allow me some things and not try to act as they have faith in me, when they double check everything.

But lately I decided that it wouldn't matter to me...I can endure another 8 months and then I'll be off for collegewhich hopefully and with a little luck will be abroad.

As fol eating disorders, sometimes I think that even if I wanted to have bulimia, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Like once, on new year's eve I ate soooo much that I couldn't move, and I went purposely to the bathroom and tried to puke for maybe 15 minutes thinking about the grossest things and putting my figers down my throat, and in the end nothing ... :|

Even if this isn't really true and that with a little practise I maybe could achieve to "puke" I like to think that way, that I can't have bulimia even if I wanted to

I hope everything turns out well for you...I think you should start with your head and make some kind of compromise with yourself...like this has to endstarting from NOW!

[youareaprincess]

i destroyed myself

That's so true, this sentence. It destroyed everything. I'm not able to think back to all what happened, but I know exactly, if this wouldn't happened, I would now "more successful" and "I wouldn't have lost my most important things" But I stayed strong and came out of it, it was hard firstly, but now I'm glad it's over and I can start to make a new start <

You should really stop with it, eat and stay it in yourself, this should stay in your mind

[Baby]

This is so sad, I really sincerely feel with you...I really believe that parents ought to have curfews, and not try to act like they allow you everything when they really mistrust you and in this way they try to gain your confidence...

Mine are something like that, but not that they are really uncaring. They allow me almost everything, but my mom always wants to come and take me if I stay at a party later and I hate this when I could as well some back with a cab-they simply don't believe even when they know that I can't lie

Not that this is similar to your case but I agree with you for the boundaries thing...I rather wished that they wouldn't allow me some things and not try to act as they have faith in me, when they double check everything.

But lately I decided that it wouldn't matter to me...I can endure another 8 months and then I'll be off for collegewhich hopefully and with a little luck will be abroad.

As fol eating disorders, sometimes I think that even if I wanted to have bulimia, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Like once, on new year's eve I ate soooo much that I couldn't move, and I went purposely to the bathroom and tried to puke for maybe 15 minutes thinking about the grossest things and putting my figers down my throat, and in the end nothing ... :|

Even if this isn't really true and that with a little practise I maybe could achieve to "puke" I like to think that way, that I can't have bulimia even if I wanted to

I hope everything turns out well for you...I think you should start with your head and make some kind of compromise with yourself... like this has to endstarting from NOW!

yes, the problem is people are never happy. i think everybody need to find a fight, a way to test his own limits and when you have everything, you can do everything you when it's hard to find yourself, to control your life and find your own limits, make the difference between the good and the bad. You use the self-destruction as a help and your feeling, your relation (positive or negative) can be a poison. At the beginning you don’t realize what you do and with time you’re just shocked by people behavior because they don’t make what you want.

You just wonder “why they aren’t here for me, this is their role” and you push the limits again and again but they are always blind.

It doesn’t mean they don’t love you but you feel alone, lost.

But my bulimia isn’t the result of this problem with my parents.

My bulimia came from many troubles and I think it become violent because my parents never tried to help me to stop it but I’m not exactly bulimic because of my parents.

because of my past in the hospital and because of my parents' behavior i always be different of other kids of my age. when i was kid i was insulted because of my health problems, one time they even sent my garbage on the face and another day the mum of a girl in my school told me "you should be a killer in a past life and that's why now you're punished and you have health problems.”

You know, when you a kid, you try to live with your health problems and you try to be accepted by the other pupils it’s just painful and violent to hear something like this.

i hadn't the same perception of life than the other kids. when you're 12/14 years old you just you have the feeling to be in a cocoon, to be protected by your parents, you discover love but this is flirts than real relationships.

and at this age i lived in a world where people died everyday, where i was all the time with people older than me, there wasn't all this hypocrisy than you can find in the real world because some people were dying and when you know you will be dead in few months, few weeks you don't take care of the hypocrisy. i was adult in my head and my body was adult too. I was 13 years old on my ID card but I was 18 years.

kids in my school said i was a wore, i had sex with boys in the nightclub toilets, I had sex with my dog, I was a junky etc.

they were jealous because they played at video games when i played the adult.

i was often critiqued and at the beginning it hurt me.

when I was 14 year old I started to read the future in the cards. Because of it I was one of the most popular girls of my high school and I knew everybody. Sometimes near of 50 persons in a day asked me to read their future and I understood people weren’t superior to me. everybody has troubles, nobody is perfect… it’s helped me to accepted me and I tried to be myself.

People thought I was an alien but I didn’t take care of it.

People spent their time to turn around me because I knew everybody and I was all the time in parties, in nightclubs. They thought my parents were really cool, I was a very lucky girl because they allowed me everything and I think because of it my parents never saw my problems.

my friends from my school tried to manipulate me. they like me but in same time they were jealous because I was so free and my parents have money they wanted I pay their lunch, they wanted I invited them in nightclub… as it was something natural.

People often make critic about my parents ‘money and because I was easy to talk with me, to met me, all the manipulators, hypocrites turned around me

The first times I was “nice” but I wasn’t stupid, I understand when someone tries to manipulate me and I became “aggressive” with them.

In same time my parents had big troubles with my grandfather, his wife, his sisters, cousins etc because everybody worked together.

My aunt and my grandfather made a blackmail to my dad and wanted to complain at the police for pedophilia if my parents didn’t accept to give money. And because of it, my dad tried to commit a suicide.

the situation was very complicated, it could take hours to explain all the problems about it so I tried to make a simple summary.

at school people made reflection like “oh will you sell your new car ?” or “now you must be poor !”

Unfortunately for them, i wasn’t poor and my parent never sold their cars.

I tried to be hard, don’t show my pain, I lived a bad emotional situation and people were here like vultures and they made stupid critics about money.

I was so angry and I became someone else. I tried to be better than them but I didn’t really respect myself. They were obsessed by money, fame so I started to go in Parisian nightclub, I was all the time with business men, “artists”, people from the fashion industry, princes, I bought expensive clothes, have very rich new friends. I was so angry that I tried to make them jealous, be everything they wanted to be but I wasn’t happy, I was just so empty. I was a zombie.

I hated people and I tried to be their opposite and make them jealous in same time. all my life turned around hate, around the mental violence.

It was painful because it wasn’t me. I felt oppressed and blocked.

I felt very in love of a guy. I already talked about him in another thread but this guy was very bad for me.

he was perfect for my violent side. He was very cute, intelligent (limited, he is not a curious person), rich, he was a real playboy but even if I was very in love I realized he was good for me. he didn’t help me to feel better… it was the opposite.

I refuse/refused to have a normal relationship. I rejected the normality because the normality could be so painful and it’s so easy to understand when you’re hurt.

When you are a “marginal” people can’t understand what you are, what you want, what you feel, you can play a role. It’s easier to hide the truth and you can be really free... and there are no limits.

yes these dear limits. with them hate can be love, love can be sex, sex can be virtual, the virtual can be the truth, the truth can be a perception and a perception can be changed

but the fact is I don’t live in the regrets. I refuse to regret who I am.

I’m bulimic, I lived “strange” situations but I’m not sad about it. I’m just tired.

The bulimia is a hole where you put all your problems. I can be something negative but in same time I don’t know where I could be if I wasn’t bulimic

Maybe today I could be the happiest girl on earth, be a different person, be a brunette with short hairs, I could make Karate, eat fish, date with a good boy or I could be dead.

About eat disorder as you said you ate too much...

As bulimic I know it’s better to avoid some kind of food.

I don’t eat meat but I know food and meat isn’t something “liquid”

When you’re bulimic you drink a lot (often hot water) to dilute the food. That’s what I do. I can drink between 3 and 5L of water per day.

When I don’t eat alone I often eat corn, salad, tomato because it can stay hours in my stomach.

It’s hard to vomit things like bread, meat (I think) because this is very “solid”

I’m serious bulimic since I’m 16 years old so now I don’t need to use fingers. I can “naturally” vomit when I want... or not.

Now it’s pretty hard to keep food. My bulimia is psychological and physical in same time. it’s like a drug. It’s like to be an “old” junky.

You need it not because you would to be really fine but to avoid to feel bad. And in the end you stop to lose weight. At the beginning I lost weight but now...I just lose my time and my energy.

Thanks for your support and your tolerance.

Unknown, were you anorexic ?

[youareaprincess]

Yes, I was it ...

When I think back, I don't know why I did it. I think it was more fun in my point of view. I felt always not thin (I was) I wanted to impresse other people of myself. I wanted always to be a pefection from head to the toes. It started all at the beginning of February, I find a new friend online I trust to them and I sent pictures of myself and he told me to get thinnier is better for me, I trusted that much, that I started to pu©k after eating. I really couldn't it well, first times I only cried but I did it in the hopes to get perfecter and perfecter. The person was given me advices for it and so started everything. In the first time until April I guess, I pucked and then I couldn't any longer and I started to starve myself over months, I drunk lots of water around 3-4 litres in a day. I got thinnier and thinnier time for time ...Correctly I lost 8 Kg's and I was at the point that I couldn't stop it and I was only bones with skin and I still liked myself and the person as well, which I trusted, they told me You look great. Your legs are simply perfect ...Only things like that. And then I should go far away for the summer a really huge thing and what's happened to me, I lost it and I didn't noticed that I destroied it in my own. I thought it would be the suck of the person who organised that, but it wasn't. I thought I'm not thin enough and gone on with starving. Then I gained a bit, because I had stress with the hospital and I went on in the thing, which I do and I went to that special thing and for once again I lost at this time everything, not only that I lost everything, what were in town, I lost as well, the person who organazed everything for me ...I destroyied me everything with it. I know that, but I can't change, I only can say, if I hadn't done it, I would be now, not there, where I'm. But now, I managed everything, well I still can't eat a lot, as you said already "meat is a no go" I only eat not much ...So that I keep my weight and I'm making a new start with the thing I do and the people which I trusted stopped to talk to me, well they were wrong and gossip.

But I think one reason for that all was as well that my grandpa died this year and I saw him every two months he was very sick and that made me so sad, that the starving was really good for me.

Edit: Your story sounds really really sad and I feel really sorry for you... You can see, most of the people are wrong much gossip

[Baby]

ok, i need to know more about you to understand where come from your problem and i think it could help you too.

for which reason do you think you can interesting people ?

what people want ?

where is the key of the seduction ?

how do you live your relationship ?

i think there are many reason to your anorexia. your grandfather's death can be one reason but your relation with the other can be another reason.

you can answer me by private mail if you want.

[irenistiQ]

sometimes, i feel that eating is a chore for me. (N)