Last night Inzaghi looked like he could barely breath, let alone hobble around a football pitch. Should have put a fork in him years ago, along with all the other corpses Milan had out there. Truly humiliating.

Anyway, this made me laugh. From yesterday's WSC.

Real have gelled better than anyone could have expected this season, and with the forthcoming clásico to be played at the Bernebeu, they have every chance of taking La Liga back from Barcelona. But their place in the Champions League final is far from secure. To even make the quarter-finals, they will have to beat Lyon at home tonight. Lyon dominated the first leg and should probably come to Spain with more than a 1-0 lead, not that you would know from the predictions Real players have offered before tonight's game. Cristiano Ronaldo is "convinced" Real will qualify. "At the Bernabéu, Madrid are the boss," said Ronaldo, who has clearly lost none of his swagger since leaving England. Sergio Ramos was even bolder: "We are going to win 3-0 and the fans are going to enjoy watching."

I hope its a Bordeaux-Lyon final.

Ligue 1 ftw!

Lets all laugh at Madrid.

Whatever next?

Hull boss apologises to Women's Institute

Phil Brown has apologised after two of his players fought during a training session - in full view of a Women's Institute rally. Newspapers reported that midfielders Nick Barmby and Jimmy Bullard - both popular, senior players - came to blows during a warm-down session on a local park. Such incidents are commonplace on the training ground, but Brown admitted it was "unsavoury" for the women watching on.

"I'd like to apologise to the Women's Institute, I didn't realise there was a rally going on there and there was apparently 50-100 women going on a march across the Humber Bridge and the incident was unfortunate," Brown admitted. "It's a sign that they care. Nick Barmby has obviously got himself involved with Jimmy Bullard. They are big players where we are concerned and I'm looking forward to the response of the group and of the two players in question."

At first sight the WI probably thought Jimmy Bullard was one of their own. He sure does resemble a dinner lady!

Jokes aside, poor old David Beckham. And poor old for me for just having read this from Mike Ingham, one of those BBC blowhards.

"It really wasn't part of the Hollywood script for David Beckham."

How true. How profound. How utterly inane.

Jokes aside, poor old David Beckham. And poor old for me for just having read this from Mike Ingham, one of those BBC blowhards.

"It really wasn't part of the Hollywood script for David Beckham."

How true. How profound. How utterly inane.

^I saw that too. Utterly!

Farewell then, David Beckham. But this 'script' is the idiotic invention of the media (and, largely, not even the sports media). Since I've been visiting the UK I've become incensed by how he's reported on - and that's even more so than whatever opinion I've had on him since the '98 and '02 World Cup Finals! <_<

The AC Milan/Man Utd. game(s) was touted as being BECKHAM vs. FERGUSON with (as it turned out) scant regard to any of the 22 people actually on the pitch, or poor old Leonardo (who, presumably, was incapable of managing the team on his own in this 'battle of wits').

And now poor old England too, bereft of their 'star'. Is it worth them bothering to turn up in South Africa? The way it's being handled here suggests not. That he was the only player worthy to go - the only automatic choice. Infact I read tonight that they should still take him anyway - even if his foot's in plaster because 'he's such a talisman'?!?! What exactly do they expect him to do? If I was Shaun Wright-Phillips or Peter Crouch, say, I'd be mightily pissed off about that "automatic" selection...

Surely David would be better utilised in his ongoing efforts to cure all diseases, rescue stray pets, and save all the starving people in the world (starting with his wife, I suppose) that the UK media seem to foist on his shoulders every time they report on him. He was a very good footballer, he still is a decent one - but my lord - just because he also happens to be good-looking and married to a Spice Girl doesn't make him anything more than that. It's just a lazy way to get people who aren't interested in football (women, mainly) somehow involved. Ooh, David Beckham! Though it is a more likely scenario than Ooh, John Terry!!!

Even given our predilection in Argentina to suggest everything revolves around El Diez, and with having Lionel Messi in that position at the moment too (heck - even when we had Maradona) we would still concede that there were 10 other players in the team. A fact that seems to have escaped most of the commentators in the UK!

I wish him well though. Achilles tendon - Ouch!

^That all said, you've still got to look forward to it. For Michael*:

And another!

If we are talking footie related comedy, very few beat Paul Whitehouse.

Beckham's a good egg. I don't know anyone personally who's treating this as anything more than a "aww, sucks for the guy, he really wanted to go" story. From a footballing perspective he's always been a committed player, I'll never forget him hopelessly tear arsing around the pitch when Croatia won at Wembley, but ultimately that's just an old story that counts for nil (like Owen Hargreaves being our best player in 2006). I'm guessing column inches will be filled by endless guff about divided dressing rooms and lack of leadership zzzz...don't care. Milner should be playing in every conceivable position, anyway.

Guys, this is a serious thread that's meant to contain serious observations. You don't see me wasting posts on silly stuff, do you? Come on now.

But seeing as it appears inevitable.

Footballers who look like lesbians

Samir Nasri

MUMMY, DADDY, MUMMY

PHIL BROWN? MORE LIKE PHIL BROWNED OFF CUZ HE GOT SACKED HAHAHA

Gary Megson is a great choice, no one likes him and he talks like a manic depressant. Perfect man to motivate a struggling team.

Beckham's a good egg. I don't know anyone personally who's treating this as anything more than a "aww, sucks for the guy, he really wanted to go" story. From a footballing perspective he's always been a committed player, I'll never forget him hopelessly tear arsing around the pitch when Croatia won at Wembley, but ultimately that's just an old story that counts for nil (like Owen Hargreaves being our best player in 2006). I'm guessing column inches will be filled by endless guff about divided dressing rooms and lack of leadership zzzz...don't care. Milner should be playing in every conceivable position, anyway.

^He is a 'good egg', yes. I don't think he's responsible for the ridiculous sycophancy afforded him by the UK media... I've only been here 2 months - and it's already annoyed me though. How do you do it?

Love the Paul Whitehouse stuff too. (Y)

Footballers who look like lesbians

^Does Steve Bruce count?

I like to describe this look as gnarled old dyke in prison.

Footballers who look like lesbians

^Does Steve Bruce count?

I like to describe this look as gnarled old dyke in prison.

Gnarled old dyke whose just laid her eyes upon her new young cell-mate. Do you not see the glint in her eyes?

Beckham's a good egg. I don't know anyone personally who's treating this as anything more than a "aww, sucks for the guy, he really wanted to go" story. From a footballing perspective he's always been a committed player, I'll never forget him hopelessly tear arsing around the pitch when Croatia won at Wembley, but ultimately that's just an old story that counts for nil (like Owen Hargreaves being our best player in 2006). I'm guessing column inches will be filled by endless guff about divided dressing rooms and lack of leadership zzzz...don't care. Milner should be playing in every conceivable position, anyway.

^He is a 'good egg', yes. I don't think he's responsible for the ridiculous sycophancy afforded him by the UK media... I've only been here 2 months - and it's already annoyed me though. How do you do it?

I think at this point Beckham is in a special league - along with Prince Charles, Paul McCartney, etc - who have been really famous for such a long time that no one can remember a time before they were filling newspapers and magazines. Therefore a proportion of society tend to be overly cynical about them or deride them for various things (some just, some not, some tedious, some all of the above), whilst another feels the need to continually praise them and zealously over defend them like archaic statues that the local council are threatening to destroy.

Footballers who look like lesbians

^Does Steve Bruce count?

I like to describe this look as gnarled old dyke in prison.

Bruce is definitely a viable candidate, though I'm sure Michael will step in momentarily to defend Sunderland's beloved manager!