Frederick

OH GOD MY LIFE CAN'T GET WORSE

Yesterday was the worst. I may as well have walked into the roughest pub I could find, provoked the biggest guy in there and had the bejesus kicked out of me. Then, while the paramedics carry my bloody and battered body away, all the girls I've ever fancied in my life form a queue and tell me what a stupid, ugly fool I am. And just when the worst seems to be over, as I sit uncomfortably in my hospital bed, an endless loop of Again and Again and Again by Wings plays on the radio, until I beg for death. Thank goodness we're playing them again in two weeks! Revenge of the fallen? I'd settle for a 5-0 defeat, but with a humiliating Lampard groin injury.

Bahahahahaha!!! Baron's Michael, I'm Kirk, TooBoku is troublesome Cameron and Baby...is Tony Asher!

^Yes! Although you should take a leaf out of my (hitherto) errant father's book and add a question mark, so-sure-show-off...

Milner pretty much carried us to victory last Tuesday against Wigan but he's clearly feeling the affects of a season at full speed. Young, who Villa fans were right to get on the back of towards the beginning of the season, is playing his heart out but if his final ball isn't quite working on the day, there isn't anyone else who can step up and deliver instead. I like Downing but literally all his crosses are either utterly woeful, or lead to the odd goal. There's no in between! Defensively we're not as assured as we have been. Sunderland carved us open quite a bit last night, and since the Carling Cup final Dunne and Collins have had a fair few shaky moments. Also, have I mentioned Cueller isn't a right-back? Poor Luke Young. Still, delighted City lost to Everton. In fact all we have to do is go to Chelsea and City and win and we're right back in the hunt! TONY MOWBRAY? MORE LIKE TONY MOWNT-BE-MANAGING-CELTIC-ANYMORE-BRAY! tehehehehe

My oh my how things change. Villa scraping for a home draw against Sunderland? It must be March. Conclusions: knackered team, stubborn tactics (Cueller isn't a right-back) and no one who can come off the bench to change a game. Bruce played this one pretty well, Sunderland were miles better than the dross they served the last time we met (not one shot from 38 yards into row z!) and if they were a bit higher on the hog at the moment, they'd have probably won it.

She's very nice. Those pictures she did for Esquire were rubbish, though.

Someone else gets it! http://www.wsc.co.uk/content/view/4997/38/

Yes it is... son.

Baron, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about... son.

Hypothetically, if I were to start a thread about Stanley Kubrick, chances are that I wouldn't want to post lots of pictures of a camera shy bearded man, because well, why would I? But discussion about his films, the thing people might be interested in, that'd be worth keeping in the Movie section, surely.

Are you kidding? Marie-Monique Robin is a woman. A one second glance at the thread would have made this abundantly clear.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robin_Hood_(1973_film) must be included at some point. Otherwise I consider this all invalid!

Claudia, Christy, Paulina (RIC!!!), Cindy and Naomi. Maybe Linda, too. Probably all in the same magazine. A magazine that probably cost £1.20 then but now sells for £4.99! OH DADDY.

Could there be any more Lion King songs? Honestly I can barely bring myself to vote in Round 1. Okay then, Hakuna Matana, why not? Round 2: Bare Necessities. Round 3: Gaston. Part 2 is going to include Pixar films, right? Because Randy did a few terrific things on the original Toy Story. The others, not so much (Cars...zzzzz)

The last few pages have been exquisite - like watching Clint Dempsey's finish last night! I never say this but I'm (sort of) looking forward to the Champions League quarter finals. 1) Barca will beat Arsenal, so hooray for that. 2) A French team will definitely be in the semis, which is excellent and 3) hahaha, I always say Bayern will win the whole damn thing because they always get what they want when it comes to decisions, and now they're playing Man Utd, the ultimate referee bullying scum! I hope Bayern win but what a horrible, mean spirited tie it will be!

Thought John "JT" Terry couldn't be an even bigger cretin? YOU THOUGHT WRONG. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/8572727.stm On a cheery note, I'd like to welcome Iain Dowie back to the managerial game. Finally some much needed glamour in the Premiership!

He is Russian, therefore he is complex!

I miss my school days when Carol Ann Duffy wrote boring poems about onions and I was forced to analyse them. BROKEN BRITAIN

So this is what we've got so far in our esteemed Footballers Who Look Like Lesbians Hall of Fame. Samir Nasri Gary Cahill Andrei Kanchelskis Jo Lionel and Diego Steve Bruce

Wait, why isn't Gary Megson Hull manager yet? Mark Hughes and Iain Dowie? IAIN DOWIE?! Why don't they just go for Brian Laws, so that he can go for an unlikely hat-trick of managering three sides terribly in one season. I hope these candidates understand that should they sign they're contractually obligated to sing a Beach Boys song at the end of the season, rain or shine! I nominate Surf's Up.

This is undoubtedly the greatest opening to any sentence in the history of this thread.