Frederick

Steve Bruce may not have an exciting brand of football to his name but he has a legacy in my household. When he was Birmingham manager, Clinton Morrison was busted in the back car with a group of men of dubious morals, who among their possessions, had a big old bag of weed. (I'm paraphrasing this story quite a bit, but indulge me!) Morrison claimed he didn't know the men and that he was merely being given a lift home by a group of generous strangers. Instead of laying down the law on the unreliable, mostly useless Irish forward Bruce played the untenable, unbelievable line of "how many times have we all accepted a lift home from a group of strangers?" card. Millionaire footballer hitchhikes home has a certain ring to it but anyway, Bruce's response entertains all kinds of questions about his recreational time. Therefore, any time a ludicrous story comes on the news and a loved one says to me "how the hell did a man accidentally freeze his own testicles?" I always retort that this in fact a common experience and that actually the exact same thing once happened to Steve Bruce. TEHEHEHE...

^Does Steve Bruce count? I like to describe this look as gnarled old dyke in prison. Bruce is definitely a viable candidate, though I'm sure Michael will step in momentarily to defend Sunderland's beloved manager!

^He is a 'good egg', yes. I don't think he's responsible for the ridiculous sycophancy afforded him by the UK media... I've only been here 2 months - and it's already annoyed me though. How do you do it? I think at this point Beckham is in a special league - along with Prince Charles, Paul McCartney, etc - who have been really famous for such a long time that no one can remember a time before they were filling newspapers and magazines. Therefore a proportion of society tend to be overly cynical about them or deride them for various things (some just, some not, some tedious, some all of the above), whilst another feels the need to continually praise them and zealously over defend them like archaic statues that the local council are threatening to destroy.

PHIL BROWN? MORE LIKE PHIL BROWNED OFF CUZ HE GOT SACKED HAHAHA Gary Megson is a great choice, no one likes him and he talks like a manic depressant. Perfect man to motivate a struggling team.

Guys, this is a serious thread that's meant to contain serious observations. You don't see me wasting posts on silly stuff, do you? Come on now. But seeing as it appears inevitable. Footballers who look like lesbians Samir Nasri MUMMY, DADDY, MUMMY

Beckham's a good egg. I don't know anyone personally who's treating this as anything more than a "aww, sucks for the guy, he really wanted to go" story. From a footballing perspective he's always been a committed player, I'll never forget him hopelessly tear arsing around the pitch when Croatia won at Wembley, but ultimately that's just an old story that counts for nil (like Owen Hargreaves being our best player in 2006). I'm guessing column inches will be filled by endless guff about divided dressing rooms and lack of leadership zzzz...don't care. Milner should be playing in every conceivable position, anyway.

What? No.

At first sight the WI probably thought Jimmy Bullard was one of their own. He sure does resemble a dinner lady! Jokes aside, poor old David Beckham. And poor old for me for just having read this from Mike Ingham, one of those BBC blowhards. How true. How profound. How utterly inane.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back *crickets* ?

Hopefully not.

Who knew Scotland was such a dower place full of passive aggressive sexual oddballs? Actually...

Yes it is! Hooray for me, I managed to find three caps in the film that don't contain a grey looking sex scene! I KEEP IT CLEAN FOR THE KIDS.

Last night Inzaghi looked like he could barely breath, let alone hobble around a football pitch. Should have put a fork in him years ago, along with all the other corpses Milan had out there. Truly humiliating. Anyway, this made me laugh. From yesterday's WSC. I hope its a Bordeaux-Lyon final.

We need to retain zonal offense against their big guys (Claudio Reyna, Brett Favre, etc). Obviously their field kickers are notorious but if we cover the green plate, I think they're foot runs to be converted!

I think if the Americans can get the ball into the scorebag early in the game, we're in trouble. Their central zonal guards are pretty tough customers, especially Landon Donovan, who had three amazing spells in the West German "Bundesliga", and who last season won the World Series MVP after his overtime dramatics against Manchester. If Bruce Arena can get Rivers Cuomo and Eddie Pope fit, I think they're a franchise that can go all the way to the play-offs!

According to a top FA source, he didn't relish the big games enough and lacked passion and hunger. Also, he wasn't very good at setting his stall out!

My provisional England squad for South Africa GK Ben Foster Manuel Almunia Kasper Schmeichel Defense Wayne Bridge (captain) Phil Neville Sol Campbell Neil Warnock Kieran Gibbs Rio Ferdinand Cashley Cole Midfield Piers Morgan David Bentley Francis Lampard, Junior Steven Gerrard Gareth Barry Shaun Wright-Phillips Aaron Ramsey Jamie Redknapp Paul Scholes Jack Wilshere Theodore Walcott of Hampshire Strikers Michael Owen Simon Cowell Jim Rosenthal Guy Mowbray Eduardo da Silva

Disgusted by Arsenal's massacre of Porto. Obviously I didn't watch it (why would I?) but it gives Wenger another chance to look self-righteous about his pure, wholesome team of cub scouts (and William Gallas and er, Sol Campbell, etc, etc) and their lovely style of football. Michael, Theo Walcott (and Jack Wilshere and Aaron Ramsey, even though he's Welsh and has a broken leg) are obviously the men to lead England to World Cup glory. With Gareth Barry as captain, Ben Foster in goal and David Bentley on the right-wing. Neil Warnock would be player manager, naturally. No offside rule? Brilliant news for Ade Akinbiyi fans all over the globe.

Maybe I should come up with a screenplay!