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Eating Disorder


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sometimes, i feel that eating is a chore for me. (N)

I feel the same way. Most of the time the only reason I eat is because my mom makes me sit down at the table to eat my meals. If it wasn't for that I probably wouldn't eat at all. I don't know if anyone else has this issue but I hate it so much when I have to eat in front of people. When I'm out with friends or my family I eat as little as possible. I'm always thinking people are judging on how much I'm eating. Thats a huge thing I'm still trying to get over.

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since a week i try to stop the bulimia (not the first time...) :ninja:

the three first days were the worst. i spent hours with the feeling i needed to vomit.

so the 4th day i decided to buy soups, soy yogurts and compotes.

i eat liquid food to avoid the crisis... :whistle:

i didn't expected a such "incredible" result...

all the 2 or 3 hours i felt hungry and i need to eat a meal. it was really freaky because even if i'm a serious bulimic usually my crisis aren't so "regular" :blink:

but the fact is, when i vomit, i drink between 3 and 5L of water... and the last hour i just realized the 4 last days i drunk a cup of tea. :whistle: but i absolutly don't feel dehydrated (not like there are 4 years ago when i tried to stop the bulimia and i stopped to eat so i didn't drink to much... in the end my lips were very dry, same thing for my mouth and my eyes... it was the worst because it was painful when i tried to close my eyes)

now i think my crisis was a signal from my body to say "i need water"... and i didn't understand and i ate soups, soy yogurth without thought " maybe i should drink"...

i took 4 kg because of the soups but i kept my hydratation. <_< :laugh:

hope the crisis will stop or will be less important.

if i can't stop now i don't know when i could...

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not exactely.

two time in the week...

but i don't know how many times i tried to stop the bulimia... :whistle:

but this time it's very strange... usually i try to stop when i have my menstruation or i'm half depresive XD (quarrel with someone so absolutely not hungry).

my menstruations are always very painful so i'm absolutely not hungry and i spent the first day to focus on the pain... so my stomac can "diminute"... but this time i try to do it without "pain"...

it's just freaky because i keep the food and i have crisis all the times (more than when i vomit :blink:)

how often... it depends of the periode.

this year it turns around 2 or 3 times per day but i think the maximum was 5 per day.

the worst was when i was 16 - 18 years old. it was 7 (sometimes 8) per day. i wasn't fine because of my family problems so the bulimia was very violent.

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I think two times a week is a very good result compared to 5/8 times a day :|

maybe you should keep this way for about two other weeks (only vomiting two times per week) and then later maybe gradually you can decrease it into once a week and later once in 2,3,4,5, weeks...till you get over it :flower:

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yes, 2 times isn't so bad.

i just need to learn to eat and drink normally. be in the good middle... don't eat 3 or 4 times per day, vomit all my meals and drink 3 or 5L of water or totally stop to eat and "forget" to drink water :whistle:

by the way this is not so easy. one time i stopped for a month, at first i didn't eat a lot and after i ate 2 times per day.

bulimia is sometimes who tale all yoyur energy so when i stopped i wasn't able to sleep. i think i slept maybe 15 - 20 hours in the months but in the end my brain was marmelade.

and i didn't slept in my bed, i slept 1 hour when i was in my bath, i slept 40 minutes when i was with friends and we watched tv on the sofa, i even slept (maybe 15/20 minutes) in the nightclub during the chippendales' show XD

since i'm baby i have eating disorder and i'm insomniac. it was a calamity for my parents. the night they were obligated to put me under a cold shower to calm me.

i started to slept normaly at 7 years old when they allowed me to sleep with my dogs and cats.

the first months of my life i was anorexiac, i lost weight. (that's why my parents distroyed all the pictures of my first months. i was skinny and when i'm born my skin was grey/green/blue XD they said i was so ugly that they didn't keep the pictures XD) and after between 8 years old and 12 years old i was fat. at 11 years old i near of 80kg"

at 12 years old i lost 25kg in 6 months... because of my menstruations i think because i have an hornomal problem.

and because of my ex obesity at 18 years old i make " plastic surgery. my breasts fallen so...it wasn't beautiful at all.

i think there is a link between my weigh and my insomnia.

and when i don't feel fine or i'm not hungry at all or i need to vomit... so i'm scared for the futur...

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Gosh, that's so bad :/ but try to stop bulimia...at least then you'll have one thing off your back...I understand that recovery is hard but if you really could focus on the future without bulimia...because it can pass, people recover from it all the time :/

Did you ever think of trying meetings?

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yes, i really need to stop because i just wonder how will be my stomach, liver etc.

i can brush my teeth 5 times per day it doesn't protect my organs...

and i won't be surprise if one day i will have a cancer.

about the meeting i already talked with bulimiacs on real life and on internet. it doesn't help me.

i think the best is a psychologist but in same time i understand my problems, i'm enough realist with myself.

when i was sad, lost, angry, bulimia was an help... not because i wanted people understand me but because i need to keep a control on my life and i think i was too "shy" to show my problems. i saved the apparences. i needed a personal revolution but when you are 16 years old sometimes you can't change as much as you would like... as life was hypocrite and you try to show the happiness and in same time in your heart you're just totaly sad.

it's like a drug. some people will be junkies or alcoholics because they just wanted to try the drugs or alcohol and some people will use it to forget their problems, their pains... this is a dangerous psychologic help, but sometimes it's the only thing who can keep you alive... that's ironic when we know it's slowly it destroys people. it's like a passive suicide.

i never really take drugs or acohol so it's hard to comparated but i think the bulimia is very vicious because you can definitively bannish the cocaine, heroine, alcohol, cigarettes... but you can't stop the food... and in same time buy food is something very "natural".

when someone see drug in your bedroom he will think " ok this person has a problem" but when someone see food in the kitchen he doesn't realized that he is watching a poison slow

and i think that's why it's so hard to stop the bulimia because it can be very violent but it can be very discret too.

by the way now for me when i don't feel fine, i vomit. this is a automatism... (often unwanted) and that's why when i try to stop the bulimia i always fail.

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i able to put words of eating disorder so i think that's normal to explain, show the reality of this mental sickness.

and for people who would try the bulimia for the "fun" they can understand the "physical" problem... understand at a moment bulimia became your normality and this is not only a psychologic fight, it's a physical fight too and this is not so easy to stop...

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yes, 2 times isn't so bad.

i just need to learn to eat and drink normally. be in the good middle... don't eat 3 or 4 times per day, vomit all my meals and drink 3 or 5L of water or totally stop to eat and "forget" to drink water :whistle:

by the way this is not so easy. one time i stopped for a month, at first i didn't eat a lot and after i ate 2 times per day.

bulimia is sometimes who tale all yoyur energy so when i stopped i wasn't able to sleep. i think i slept maybe 15 - 20 hours in the months but in the end my brain was marmelade.

and i didn't slept in my bed, i slept 1 hour when i was in my bath, i slept 40 minutes when i was with friends and we watched tv on the sofa, i even slept (maybe 15/20 minutes) in the nightclub during the chippendales' show XD

since i'm baby i have eating disorder and i'm insomniac. it was a calamity for my parents. the night they were obligated to put me under a cold shower to calm me.

i started to slept normaly at 7 years old when they allowed me to sleep with my dogs and cats.

the first months of my life i was anorexiac, i lost weight. (that's why my parents distroyed all the pictures of my first months. i was skinny and when i'm born my skin was grey/green/blue XD they said i was so ugly that they didn't keep the pictures XD) and after between 8 years old and 12 years old i was fat. at 11 years old i near of 80kg"

at 12 years old i lost 25kg in 6 months... because of my menstruations i think because i have an hornomal problem.

and because of my ex obesity at 18 years old i make " plastic surgery. my breasts fallen so...it wasn't beautiful at all.

i think there is a link between my weigh and my insomnia.

and when i don't feel fine or i'm not hungry at all or i need to vomit... so i'm scared for the futur...

you had plastic surgery? :blink:

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Eating Disorders are bad. I don't know why, but I still want to return to it. But for the moment. I don't use much food and I don't gain. The point, which I have in my mind is, you'll become fat and I'm afraid of it. But I'm managing to live with it ...

But one thing is this normaly, for example I drink one litre of water but 500ml. stay in me and I gain :ninja: I'm totally unsure, if this is normal. But if it would be all the people would getting fatter day for day :whistle: Is something wrong with me ?

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i have the same problem with water. as many girls i keep the water but i love the hotel Park Hyatt and i often go to their bar. they make delicious Ice tea (my favorite are passion fruit/jasmin and raspberry/violet) and usually i always keep to water but when i spend the evening or afternoon at the hotel i can drink something like 5 or 6 ice tea and i always lose 1kg.

i think it's because of the cold water and the tea. it's very diuretic.

so i think you should try to drink tea... maybe it could help you and this is good for the health.

there are diuretic contraceptive pills too. you're young but maybe your gynecologist could be agree to give you this kind of pills.

about your weight, people can't stay all their life with the same weight and in same time your situation is a bit complicated.

i add the rest of my answer in a PM.

renistiQ. yes i have. i made it when i was 18 years old. my skin isn't elastic and because of my obesity i took weight in the breasts. i was just 10/11 years old and at this age girls don't need to wear bras... so i didn't wear bras and my skin is covered of stretch marks (now "invisible" they are white not red/pink) so my breasts fallen a lot and my nipples were very big... so i NEEDED plastic surgery.

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Eating Disorders are bad. I don't know why, but I still want to return to it. But for the moment. I don't use much food and I don't gain. The point, which I have in my mind is, you'll become fat and I'm afraid of it. But I'm managing to live with it ...

But one thing is this normaly, for example I drink one litre of water but 500ml. stay in me and I gain :ninja: I'm totally unsure, if this is normal. But if it would be all the people would getting fatter day for day :whistle: Is something wrong with me ?

i bet it becomes scary when your stomach starts making lightning, acidic noises. :ninja:

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Thank you ! I thought it's not normal, that I keep it in me. I'll try to have some tea with me and hopefully I won't keep it. It's weird about the water, when I was in my worst time, I could drink 3-4 litres and didn't keep anyting. I don't understand why I keep it now.

With the pills, it's an idea, but I have only one doctor, which is still for young people and she was the one, who sent me in hospital I'll try to stay away from this woman :ninja: I'll think about to change my doctor..

You're right, but believe me I would like to stay all over the live like that or even thinnier. But well, that's in my mind and inpossible.

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Do you drink the water immediately after you eat?Or during eating?

Because I've heard that's it's not good to drink water immediately after/during eating...because it "blows", "swells" the food since it hasn't yet been dissolved, or something like that-I don't know how to put it :pinch:

Just an idea...

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