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The Jokes Thread


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There was a gentleman living in a small village who had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother.

Well, there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom young girl who had recently given birth and was willing to help him out--for a price.

The man was desperate because his condition was growing worse, so he agreed to pay the woman the amount of money she demanded. After all, the woman had a newborn baby to care for and the father had abandoned them to their fate. The first day was a bit awkward as the man showed up and, with a bit of anxiety and embarrassment, leaned over and began to suckle the woman's breast. Well, weeks went by and the awkwardness began to fade. One day, the woman realised that the man's suckling was beginning to arouse her sexually.

It became almost unbearable and finally, in a sensuous voice, she said, "Is there anything else you'd like?" The man paused in his suckling for a moment, looked up at her, and said, "Yeah, got any cookies?"

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  • 1 month later...

Aussie blokes wife is getting ready to go out for dinner with him, she tries on a dress and asks him "does my a*ss look fat in this" He said "it looks like a 4 burner barbecue", she looks at him in disgust but they go out for tea, get sozzled and when they get home he slaps her on the bum and asks her if she wants to shag, so she says "I'm not firing up a 4 burner BBQ for half a sausage!!"

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are talking.

The brunette says "I found some cigarettes in my daughters room, I never knew she smoked"

The redhead says "I found some alcohol in my daughters room, I didn't know she drinks."

The blonde goes "I found a condom in my daughter's room. I didn't know she had a dick"

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