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The Jokes Thread

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A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks

to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks

up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarrassed about staring

at the smaller man`s penis. "Sorry," says the taller man."I`m not gay or

anything, but you have the longest penis I`ve ever seen, especially on a man so

small!" "Well," says the Leprechaun, "That`s because I`m a Leprechaun! ALL

Leprechauns have penises this size!" The taller man says, "Incredible! I`d give

anything if mine were that long." "Well, what with me being a Leprechaun and all,

I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and

screw you, I`ll give you your wish!" "Gee," says the man, "I don`t know about

that----aw hell with it, OK!" Soon, the Leprechaun is behind the taller man, just

humping away. "Say," says the Leprechaun, "How old are you, son?" Finding it

difficult to turn with the Leprechaun humping him so ferociously, the tall man says

over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..." "Imaging that, " says the little

man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechauns!"

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Speaking of the bathroom, Jerry’s at the urinal in an airport restroom when a guy with no arms sidles up next to him and pleads, "Hey, buddy–can you help me out here?"

Though he feels uneasy, Jerry bravely unzips the man, takes a deep breath, and reaches in to pull out the guy’s penis. Much to his horror, it’s hideous. It’s moldy and bluish green, covered with pus-filled scabs, and it reeks something awful.

Imagining the kudos he’ll get on Judgment Day, Jerry holds the man’s unit while he finishes urinating, shakes it, then puts it back in the man’s pants and zips him up.

The guy tells Jerry, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."

"No problem," says Jerry. "But I gotta ask—What the hell’s wrong with your johnson?"

The guy pokes his arms back out of his sleeves and says, "I don’t know, but I sure as hell ain’t touching it."

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A guy attending a wedding asks the person sitting next to him, “Hey, have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? Man, she’s ugly!”

“You jackass. That’s my daughter you’re talking about!” the person responds.

“Oops! I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know you we’re the father.”

“I’m not, you stupid idiot. I’m the mother!”

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

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