January 29, 200520 yr THE TOP 10 THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT SAY OUT LOUD IN VICTORA'S SECRET:10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9. No thanks. Just sniffing. 8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind. 7. Mom will love this. 6. Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable. 5. No need to wrap it. I'll eat it here. 4. Will you model this for me?? 3. The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!! 2. Forty-Five bucks? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway! And the number 1 thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret: 1. Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your ass into that!
January 31, 200520 yr A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looksup at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarrassed about staring at the smaller man`s penis. "Sorry," says the taller man."I`m not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I`ve ever seen, especially on a man so small!" "Well," says the Leprechaun, "That`s because I`m a Leprechaun! ALL Leprechauns have penises this size!" The taller man says, "Incredible! I`d give anything if mine were that long." "Well, what with me being a Leprechaun and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I`ll give you your wish!" "Gee," says the man, "I don`t know about that----aw hell with it, OK!" Soon, the Leprechaun is behind the taller man, just humping away. "Say," says the Leprechaun, "How old are you, son?" Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechaun humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..." "Imaging that, " says the little man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechauns!"
February 1, 200520 yr Speaking of the bathroom, Jerry’s at the urinal in an airport restroom when a guy with no arms sidles up next to him and pleads, "Hey, buddy–can you help me out here?"Though he feels uneasy, Jerry bravely unzips the man, takes a deep breath, and reaches in to pull out the guy’s penis. Much to his horror, it’s hideous. It’s moldy and bluish green, covered with pus-filled scabs, and it reeks something awful. Imagining the kudos he’ll get on Judgment Day, Jerry holds the man’s unit while he finishes urinating, shakes it, then puts it back in the man’s pants and zips him up.The guy tells Jerry, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it." "No problem," says Jerry. "But I gotta ask—What the hell’s wrong with your johnson?"The guy pokes his arms back out of his sleeves and says, "I don’t know, but I sure as hell ain’t touching it."
February 2, 200520 yr A guy attending a wedding asks the person sitting next to him, “Hey, have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? Man, she’s ugly!”“You jackass. That’s my daughter you’re talking about!” the person responds.“Oops! I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know you we’re the father.”“I’m not, you stupid idiot. I’m the mother!”
February 3, 200520 yr Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
February 3, 200520 yr A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”To which she replied, “There certainly is!”My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
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