Frederick

Exit Peter....enter Peter. Please sort this shambles out.

Group F is s’alright but it’s hard not to foresee evermore 0-0s and 1-1s as teams implement safety first, biege coloured tactics. God knows it’s England’s best hope.

If you're going to do condescension on such a mind numbing level at then at least spell you're right.

I find her inability to not look smug strangely alluring.

Great to see these fresh faced, plucky upstarts proudly fleecing, I mean, flying the flag for themselves, er, I mean, young British managers after years of being held back by their own innate mediocrity, I mean, Johnny Foreigner. I wish Giggsy and Unswy, I mean, Big Sam and Pardz the very best.

David Unsworth better watch his not inconsiderable back, for there is another caretaker on the scene. Great to see Gary 'Mystic' Megson back in a top tier hot seat just in time for darkest winter. I've always enjoyed his particular brand of personal and footballing dourness and utter aversion to anything remotely razzle dazzle. Give him the job full time, he (Phil Neville voice) knows the club.

Dortmund in free fall. Sick to death of the calamity goals against, selfish play going forward and general lack of spine. Yarmolenko infuriates me, Bartra and Burki are woefully out of form and then you get to the unhelpful, miscellaneous asides like Aubameyang's poncing around late for training because he's too busy doing cheeky marketing escapades. Get a grip on the steering wheel, Peter, there's a derby next week.

Don't think anyone but CC's most loyal cronies ever actually believed he'd "walk into a big job" after Euro 2016 but his heart and head certainly seemed distracted thereafter. This, though, is a massive call on his part. On the one hand, you're back into the day to day of club management after years of sitting in the stands solely to watch Joe Ledley trawl around the pitch like a drunken sailor. That's progress. And of course he's financially cushy whatever happens but this is a club that makes minced meat out of just about everyone, this isn't convincing Chris Gunter he can take on Eden Hazard for one glorious game, this is the relentless drudgery of the Championship, mediocrity's cruelest summit. Strap in, folks.

Another wild night in the career of Ciro Immobile. Will probably score a double hat-trick at the weekend but also miss two penalties.

Being an owner is very simple. You do the old press release trick of jabbering on about "projects" if the new man is a well groomed foreign Charlie and heck, you might sell a few more season tickets under the guise of a sophisticated assault on the glass ceiling of 7th but then amnesia hits once Stoke rip you and your 2-4-3-1-1 formation apart on August 29th so then you parachute in an old granite chinned, Bein Sports tanned oil tanker who spends the week before the sacking saying "Slaven is a good man....but..." while Richard Keys cackles and prods you like a dancing Russian bear.

Terry finally got injured and it's a bad one. Who could've foreseen such a tragedy befalling the lively youngster? Hands down, everyone Not Called Steve Bruce. Just as things were actually trucking along quite nicely, too. Samba and Elphick to the rescue? More chance of Moyes qualifying for Europe with his newly fashioned Anichebe/Carroll front line.

There goes Simon. A good man who'll come again at this level but whichever way you want to proportion blame the numbers do tell a sorry tale. Thoughts, Michael?

Arise, Wayne Rooney: player/manager.

Thank God the allure of live League 2 action prevented me from watching Dortmund's scintillating draw with APOEL. To Europa!

Is a World Cup even a World Cup without Jozy Altidore? Still, at least it opens up the Golden Boot!

Four wins on the bounce, some stylish, some not. Big love to Adomah, young Keinan and of course The Kodfather, Jonny Kodjia. Terry watch: half ropey, half classy but clean sheets are undoubtedly happening. October has two away derbys so that'll be sure to test our fragile (Arsene Wenger voice) mental strength. Everyone go watch Kagawa's goal from yesterday. Was simultaneously baffled, charmed and a tiny bit annoyed Bosz wouldn't even smile afterwards. It's not small time to enjoy life, Peter! And then definitely don't watch Aubamayang's penalty.

Jeeves fluffed my pillows counterclockwise, off with his head!

And all with the never promising game at the under fire manager's old team right before the international break looming. I think regardless of the weekend you have to let SG continue, looking at October's fixtures, there's a lot of middling to dross opposition there. If he can't accrue decent points then, I suppose he's a goner.

Hope there are no ostriches in the Belgian second division!

Good to see some proper bomb lobbing nutters like Cotterill, Poyet and Sherwood all in the betting. Sadly it's going to be Karanka, yawn.

Haven't checked the betting but surely one to get Moyesy off the golf course? They've still got these eleventy seven new Harry players to bed in so send in a grim Glaswegian pragmatist to organise them (as previously enjoyed during their greatest ever era).

Oh the neverending tedious inevitability of it all! Hogan blocked one off the line for them, them! Lose to Barnsley, which I firmly expect we will, and I expect Bruce will be canned. Even though he's rubbish and will likely always be rubbish, my blood lust is pretty low at the moment because who would we end up with instead? This must be what the David Platt era at Forest felt like.

Seems we pulled the plug on the big Tommy Elphick move, which tells you a lot about the first impressions Terry and Samba have made. You know Sky are phoning it in when C list blowhards like Joleon 'bum tweet' Lescott and Shay Given are on duty during primetime, it almost made me long for Guillem Balague's phone call from a West London lounge bar purporting to be from Spain! The only outright highlight was when some fans started shouting over one of the Car Park Frankensteins, prompting the usual wobbly apology. Needed much more of that.

He still shouts and swears at refs, stamps the ground when he doesn't get a decision and generally acts like a goon so in that respect, the man we all knew and loved for all those years is still with us. He did well to not have three or four penalties given against him at Bristol City, so thank you to the presumably star struck ref for that. Bruce also madly decided to throw Samba, who looks even more punch drunk than JT, into the mix for that game and it was an absolute shambles that was predictably discarded almost immediately.