Frederick

Became an actress (and not a very good one).

Nutty Nige aside, I suspect Ranieri will be back at Leicester again at some point in the future. Just too much pull for him and the supporters and even the tin eared owners wouldn't be immune from the good PR it would produce. Whether it'd actually be a good idea is of course entirely separate.

Goodnight Claudio, good morning Nigel and his tin foil hat of rage?!?

I already had Gianfranco Zola down as a card carrying member of the Great Player, Awful Manager club long ago but I think in light of his recent chucklesome escapades I'd say it's time he was upgraded to platinum status. At least he does it, whatever 'it' is with that big affable smile. Soldi per la vecchia corda!

#bringbacktim #fantasticfour #fourhorsemenoftheapocalypse

Spend genuine coin on all the in-form, unspoiled diamonds of the Championship, put them in Villa shirts and of course they instantly turn into jelly legged, cross eyed Neanderthals. Signing Brentford's talisman and then getting roundly tonked by them on the same night was perhaps poetic justice but the Forest game was maybe even more unbearable, a wholesale conspiracy from within to throw away a game.

Between the dour Scot in the dugout, the aloof American owner, the shrinking transfer budgets and the striker somehow still able to find goals in a sea of dross, I thought Sunderland were already doing a fairly sterling impression of Aston Villa's descent into the gutter but obtaining Joleon would be taking matters into method actor territory!

Well, if nothing else history will remember today as the day we signed Henri Lansbury.

Fair to say the lad has exceeded the statute of limitations on dining out as a top flight starter because you once bagged a brace against Exeter in the League Cup. Still no idea what he is, a poor man's Steve Sidwell? Meanwhile, sub human football at Molineux from Bruce's Villa. We sold the comically limited but occasionally useful Gestede, only to be left with a Blobonlahor/McCormack front line while Kodjia's away. I've seen greater goal threat from a ballet shoe wearing Tony Hibbert than these two rotund chuckleheads. Zabaleta in central midfield, eh, Pep? And to think Joey Barton was available on a free a little while ago.

Feels terribly trite to say but he truly was 'one of the good guys'. There haven't been many outright great decisions made at Aston Villa in the past thirty years but his appointment was one.

Show up, produce dead eyed smile for the cameras, collect money, go home and think about horses: the Michael Owen playbook since 2005.

Usually it's the tag team of Hoddle and Owen that gets me reaching for the cyanide capsules but I got lumped watching John Hartson and Kevin Kilbane a few weeks ago and felt very much like God was punishing for being too efficient ahead of Christmas.

Even by the standards of tedious piffle he usually spouts Big Al's obsession with 'world class' and who is and who isn't is eye watering in it's bizarro grumpy anti-logic.

Aston Villa yesterday announced an extension to its corporate partnership with Rock Bottom. The personal despair specialists have forged a close alliance with the Villains in recent years as CEO Chris T. Weir-Orfell explained from a misery filled coach in Norfolk. "With Aston Villa we are redefining what Rock Bottom means all the time. We took the product to Preston a few months ago and our focus group told us, 'Yes, that's Rock Bottom!' but tonight we've reached another level. I'm delighted."

Couldn't see Arsenal and Bayern getting drawn together, could you? Regarding Benfica, I suppose it's a good draw but it's hard to know what shape we'll be in by mid-February. Can still be a purring sportscar going forward but can as often be turgid and error prone. I can see a fair few goals over two legs.

Considering he's sleepwalked through the last two years, Januzaj should certainly be keen. He got a pretty good kicking after his inglorious loan to Dortmund and yes, he was powderpuff of the highest order but really he's barely out of nappies, which is easy to forget seeing as he's been around for a while. You don't want to see the lad wake up one day, a 29 year-old millionaire with funny ears, six moves into his career, wondering why he's stuck on the bench at Hamburg.

As noted above, I'm all for steely 1-0s but that was far too conservative from Stevie B., there was a bread and butter win to be had but we set up like we were in awe of Leeds, who were woeful in spite of the result. You'd find less nothingness staring into a black hole than playing Westwood, Jedinak and Gardner together. And as for dunce hat extraordinaire Tommy Elphick, a quivering wreck every time a cross comes in, which makes the already prone to daftness Gollini do daft things. When Baker returns it'll be like we've signed Paolo Maldini.

Beat Bayern. Scabby but glorious. Red Bull (has anyone sincerely called them 'Leipzester City' yet and if so, were they punched repeatedly?) to win the league. Hoffenheim runners-up. Schalke 10th. Press conference to announce the apocalypse. Joey Barton wins the Turner Prize. There's your 2017.

Encouraged by Bruce taking the game to Brighton, one of the better teams in the division. Ten draws at this stage in the season is a complete absurdity but we are looking better by pretty much all metrics. It's not always fluid and playing Gabby accomplishes nothing but I'll take more steely and pragmatic 'Bruceball' if it propels us...somewhere.

For however long Jermain Defoe's pacemaker remains intact there's always going to be at least a glimmer for Sunderland. Hull at home though needs to be a formulaic, no fuss three point banker, the likes of which they fail to produce for the first eight and a half months of the season, year after year. Inane as it feels to say, away to Swansea on December 10th feels like a potential referendum day for Moyes.

Can David keep the moyementumn going?!

In a volatile world full of a grim despair, it's comforting to be able to depend on Spurs to lose again at Wembley.

I'd be interested to know how the boy Ndong's been doing but I can't imagine it's been sufficient. Hell, even if they barely get a kick between them, dusting off Victor Anichebe and a 49 year-old Steven Pienaar from the Moyesy playbook of 2006 immediately transmitted a howling sense of despair about what kind of season Sunderland were in for (though of course the manager helpfully reminded everyone they were in a relegation scrap after the first throw-in of the season).

Walked into that one, didn't I? Fair to say the era (approximately a week in the summer) of flexing We'll Be Back Having Won the Champ by 234 Points delusions are all washed out thanks to the Bobby Di Matt gruel shower. In reality, Bruce is a flavourless choice for a flavourless time, used to managing (predominantly) flavourless clubs. That's the state of things, it is what it is, wish him well.

Goodbye Roberto. Thanks for the uh, the, hey, your cab's here.