Frederick

First it was Wolves and Leeds, now chuffin' Everton are the darlings of the croissant scoffing, podcasts for every throw in, xG as dogma Athletic subscribing bourgeoise!

If a Grigg-Graham axis doesn't get Netflix back over to the Stadium of Light to film a third season, what will?! Curious to know your thoughts on Parkinson, Michael (see what I did there?). Cup miracle man back in the day, but a good fit? Dare I say the rough stuff he encountered at Bolton might make even ol' troublesome Sunderland look comparatively light work? Incidentally, for some reason he's one of those managers I can only ever envision standing on the sidelines being absolutely battered by rain, I literally cannot draw up an image of him with dry hair. Not gonna ask for the billionth time if this is the season Aiden McGeady puts it all together, would you rather ship him or give him one more crack? Can't imagine any takers beyond Hibs, perhaps. *Checks to see who we've got in the EFL Trophy after posting, ooh Sunderland. Checks final score hours later, mother of God.*

I doubt Frank McLintock has a politically minded Twitter presence, might it be time to bring the charismatic 80 year-old back into the fold?

Can't believe one of the most successful institutions in the global game is parting ways with its greatest ever. Reinstate Charlie, Thommo and Le Tiss right now!

Let's face it, scavenger hunting for Kevin-Prince Boateng and Martin Braithwaite the past two Januarys suggests Big Sam might already be whispering in someone's ear over there. The more you think about it, the more the idea compels. Sammy Lee played 28 times for Osasuna in the '80s so he knows the league, big tick. A Messi/Braithwaite/Carroll forward line with supply from Wahbi Khazri and Stewie Downing? I'm drooling in my armchair. Frankie de Jong under the tutelage of Kevin Nolan? I can scarcely contain my heart rate. Sporting director El-Hadji Diouf wrestling Gerard Pique in the boardroom? Manna from heaven. Get it done!

When you've got Atalanta scoring by the bag load every week, the pragmatic joys of a squad full of tough codgers, 653 identikit central midfielders and Federico Bernardeschi grinding it out leaves a wee bit to desire when you've got the resources Juve have. It certainly isn't all on Sarri's back, though Lyon sure did a job on them, and I appreciated them for it. A shame Lazio cacked their pants post-lockdown, me ol' mucker Ciro Immobile is a wonder. Trouble is, they have to run to stand still in terms of budgeting. Thomas Lemar, goodness me that's been a sad one to witness. Good on Trippier for adjusting well to it all, though.

A Victorian slumlord and some Tom Clancy bad guys (who for added colour even pinch TV coverage of Burnley-Palace just to give Qatar the finger) negotiating for the right to employee Matt Ritchie is what the youngsters might call 'peak' 2020.

A helluva thing, that. I've long thought we were smoked, steamed and ready to be served up at Kenilworth Road, but credit to Deano and the boys for pulling themselves out of it. We're a funny ol' team, unbelievably foolish at the back especially pre-lockdown, often as dour as we ever were under future Real Madrid coach Steve Bruce (Steve, seriously, I'm sorry) but with Jack and a few of his wacky midfield cohort (and I mean wacky) we do occasionally allow for some good stuff. Huge work to be done over the summer (careful, lads, WOULDN'T WANNA DO A FULHAM 😏)

Superlative choke from Forest, an all time great.

Tyler, who always seemed so robustly competent, has definitely morphed into a dottier specimen over the last ten or so years, which might just be age related (74!), though I'm a believer commentators should be at least 60 anyway as only fair weather Twitter types, the kind who rush to make photoshop mock ups of their team's supposed transfer targets wearing the club kit, would want a wee tyke on the mic during a game that had anything riding on it. I also suspect the reaction to the primal Aguero howl went to Martin's head a bit, did the dreaded catchphrase start before or after that?

A banner at every empty stadium demanding the reinstatement of Clive Tydesley as ITV's number one commentator? Seems the least 'we' can do. Matterface? More like Getouttamyface!

Presumably Wigan are the first club to go into administration and win a game 8-0 less than two weeks later.

Christian Purslow has the gift of the gab to the extent that he could probably convince me that my legs are in fact made of candle wax, but we are so thunderously pants as a footballing entity it begs belief. Bruce may as well have laid out a red carpet and said "we can't be bothered today, go beat us" but no, we started playing with five minutes to go, but not before being out thought by a mutton chopped 76 year-old Andy Carroll. League games against Coventry beckon and I tell ya, I ain't ready for it!

Played reasonably well against a decent team who arguably humiliated us in the reverse fixture, such was the gulf in ability. But golly gee, I don't think I have the stomach for all these games, ours or anyone else's.

I have a big enough sample size now to safely say the BT Sport Bundesliga commentator, hyper at the best of the times, needs to take it down several notches for games in our new reality. Set an example in your chosen field, you over eager dafty, by not smothering me with endless inane babbling or forcing Owen Hargreaves' dreary cadence upon my ears when he clearly wants to be left alone, let me bathe in the echoes and silence from time to time, let me hear the benches and the on pitch shouting and see if my knowledge of German swear words is improving. Thank you.

I'm halfway done now. The fans are definitely less of a presence this time around, which in some ways feels like a good move, as there are only some many slo-mo shots of irate/delirious fans any viewer of any persuasion needs. Also grateful that the "if we win on Saturday, it affects the whole city" stuff isn't being repeated twelve hundred times per episode, like in Season 1. The intro of episode 3 with the soldier guy seemed a case of "we shot it so we'll use it" but tonally it was jarring in an episode that was fairly light on its feet. That being said, I do miss some of the larger, wobblier elements. The players and coaches are reduced to essentially abstract concepts and one could be easily forgiven for thinking Sunderland won their first 25 games of the season given the show's fairly unbothered approach to showing the league table and such.

Slowly sinking my teeth into Sunderland 'Til I Die 2.0, @Michael*. Charlie Methven is shaping up to be quite the character, sort of like David Brent, Richard Madeley and any Conservative Party cabinet minister rolled into one.

You're talking about a possible manager of the year candidate, you clown!

Seemed from the outside JR just couldn't quite build enough momentum to pull the club from the play-off borderline into the leading pack. A few eye catching tonkings obviously doesn't help but my impression is there were just too many dour looking 1-1 draws that would follow a sequence of good results.

Given Owen has no natural football fan constituency AND is hampered by a chronic condition of Being Boring, I somewhat understand his craven attempts at flogging a book by leaning into his much mocked lack of basic humanity (five films, was it?) and trying for a bit of petty score settling. That he remains such a resoundingly uninteresting person in spite of all this is possibly his only non-horse racing related achievement for nearly twenty years. Shearer, who presumably shaves his head with an axe, would eat him with a tea spoon.

Fair to say this is living up to its billing so far. Right on cue I see ex-Villa court jester Micah Richards is - while on the license fee shilling - making a half hearted defence (Micah Richards? Half hearted defence? Say it ain't so!) of his not-really-ex-boss. How tediously predictable the world can be sometimes. Michael, what were your thoughts on the War of the Dullards between Shearer and Owen?

The great thing about Ashley being such a world class roaster is that Bruce would/will get a fair bit of time, which means one can really feast on all the bitter press conferences and post-match delusional jibber jabber.

Steve Bruce is the favourite to be next Newcastle manager? Yes please.

"Hello Ray, it's Mark here. Your friend Steve wanted me to give you a shout out, but I didn't know what he was flaming on about because I'm not a teenage girl, Guy. So anyway, he told me Dingle Red Rovers FC won this year's Elite Invitational Pub Bantz competition. Haven't you lads got anything better to do, eh? What's next, face painting with your nan? Do me a favour, hey? Any one of you got a girlfriend? Anyway, apparently Ray wants me to grow back my moustache but you obviously haven't been paying attention because that's been gone for years and is not coming back. Underline that and staple it to your forehead, Dan. Anyway, happy Fathers Day and (squints to read) you'll never walk alone. What do you mean, I'll never walk alone? I walk alone all the time, don't I? I went into Currys this morning and the chuffin' lot of them were useless, giving me all this swot stuff mumbo jumbo, I only went in for a screwdriver...." (continues for the next nine hours)

Anywhere but a Sports Direct warehouse, I'd say. Needless to add, I was almost breathless with excitement when wild rumours of Avram Grant swooping in to replace him were briefly circulating. Incidentally, and unrelated to my forthcoming birthday, may I add that for a mere $1,000 you can get Avram to make you or a loved one a 'shout out' video (https://www.cameo.com/avramgrant)His introduction video is very enticing!