Frederick

I went to scout er I mean prepare for Villa's future no, sorry, watch a League 2 game instead of engaging with the game. Can't believe I didn't have a flutter on Jermain Man to score, free money!

In my rational heart I know it's probably just Coventry fans hacking Geocities and fiddling the sums but still, my New Years Resolution is to stop gawking at the endless supply of grim stats tables that always have us bottom, whether chronicling the last five minutes or previous fifteen thousand years. What you trying to say about my Villa, eh?

Looking forward to El Crapico: Ecks vs. Sever on Saturday, Michael?

January 1st - "I am delighted to welcome back Abou Diaby. I believe he has the quality and mental stwength to help us fight for this title." January 2nd - Abou Diaby hit by an asteroid Etc etc

Bad news for aged housewives of the home counties who, as we all know, are bound by the terms of their wedding vows to make one 'cheeky' reference per year involving Mourinho being 'dishy' to their pudgy, baldy former insuranceman husbands.

There was a time when you couldn't walk into any post office in the country without at least the possibility of overhearing some chatter about 'Curbs' or the Charlton revolution but I doubt any university student in 2015 would believe it if you told them. My dad, to this day, insists that Curby, despite having played for us and against over many decades, has never correctly pronounced 'Birmingham' in any publicly available recording ever made. I believe him.

Klopp went potty a few times last season at times when it was felt Dortmund might have 'turned a corner', I certainly recall a bit of a cruise ship style rah rah after beating Gladbach but things stayed rocky for a good while after that. Of course Hummels and Weidenfeller infamously had a spontaneous frank exchange of views with fans after that utterly harrowing defeat to, ironically enough, Augsburg, when things really did look dire. Then we finished 7th. What was my point? Oh yeah, David O'Leary running across St. Andrews to salute Doug Ellis is one of the most pitiful sights I've ever witnessed in all my life. I still dislike you, David, wherever you are!

For me, the other ten really let down Nick Powell. He can't do it all on his own!

Well, we didn't lose. But then Newcastle won and our scabby draw suddenly feels immaterial. We can't find a defensive combination that doesn't inflict calamity and the old days of 'at least Guzan knows what's what' are long over. We should have been 10-0 down after five minutes and scored a hilariously rubbish goal so all in all, better than a kick in the spuds but not quite as good as wearing wet socks.

Moyes' next few jobs: Celtic, Scotland, West Brom, Indian Super League.

What if Garde was one of us? Just a slob like one of us Just a manager on a bus Trying to win a game at home

Highlight of DeNiro's career!

I'd say there's a decent chance Sherwood's next job involves sitting next to Alan Brazil in a confined space or a salmon shirt showdown with Wrighty, Danny, and Trevor or being the 'young one' on Soccer Saturday.

Tim's Act II needed to begin with sorting us out a grown up defence. He had a real preoccupation with our various ornamental nothingmen midfielders but no interest in building a sustainable back four fit for purpose in the 21st century. Case in point, old lumber himself, Joleon Lescott, who's fast resembling a daffy old grandad with his fly down on Boxing Day or perhaps even worse, Rio Ferdinand at QPR. And like the last 76 Villa managers before him, Timbuktu also fell under the delusion that he was the one get Agbonlahor unrubbish and that Alan Hutton is not just a right-back but a quarterback, who requires the ball whenever, wherever, forever.

God help the next guy. And the next one. And the next one. And the....

Film looks really, really rubbish but DK's in it so I'll probably watch it eventually https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMC7TzusghU No YouTube embed? Sheesh.

Right, quick scan of the clipboard, let's see... Guzan clanger: check Lescott showing mobility of 185 year-old: check Westwood insisting on yet more slow hanging diagonal corners that offer absolutely no viable goal opportunity whatsoever: check Ray Wilkins standing around having a good ol' laugh with his Chelsea pals: check Mad Sherwood substitution: negative, Joe Cole's been loaned out to Coventry. Opposition barely having to do anything to obtain victory: check Profound sense of doom at final whistle: check republic, babay~!

I'm sure Mrs. Nolan will be relieved to have Kevin out of the house again.

Somewhere amid the unrelenting woe I still clutch to the fragile notion that we have a decent starting XI at our disposal that could, theoretically, audible gasp, job along into the upper echloens of the bottom half of the table but week by week the whiff of the John Smith's Stadium et al seems to draw closer and closer. For a man who could've been crowned Puff Chested World Champion as recently as a few months ago, Tim now resembles something closer to Robert DeNiro in Awakenings, at least 'til it's time to rally the troops with the suitably rousing, utterly reassuring post-match "we'll keep fiddling with the team 'til it works" mantra.

'Like a married couple', classic Daily Mail.

Taxi for Richard Avocado and (B)rendered Unnecessary.

I feel like Villa supporters have been slow to embrace Sinclair but for me, even with a couple of wasted years at City, he represents much needed experience and a knack for goals sorely missing elsewhere. Right now everything feels like creaking, tortoise in stilettos like progress but it's hard not to be at least somewhat encouraged by some of the flashes shown by the younger Frenchier players, not to mention Adama who did more in fifteen minutes against Palace than N'Zogbia has in years.

Rest assured I have notified the admin team about Roy Keane's hacking of my account!

I kindly urge any and all to join the head to head league as the raw points league can get a trifle predictable when Ed inevitably slides into a ten billion point lead by the first week of September (which, of course, is utterly unlike the Premier League which as we all know is always incredibly exciting). Leagues > Join a league > Private league > 634173-220233 and you're in.

Now my hamstring hurts.