Frederick

New owner, almost entirely new players, new manager, new division....same old distinct Villa putridness.

WHAM BAM GOODBYE SAM

Managed about three hours of the Gormless Blokes Standing in Barely Lit Car Parks Telling Us Things We Already Know fandango before self-respect made a late bid for my services.

Back with a whimper. Second half was okayish, keeper was good until he made precisely the same error our last knucklehead keeper used to make. How very Villa. I know we can't logistically get rid of the entire self-satisfied loser brigade of last year but we certainly have moves we need to make, preferably before the Jim White-th* of August. *Did I actually just type that?

Fantasy football sign up time, Mikey?

Alex Manninger to Liverpool?! Steve Bruce to Sunderland?! Phil Brown to England?!?!? NURSE!!!!!!

Papiss 'Poor' Cisse and Grazziano 'Razzie Award winning penalty' Pelle under the stewardship of Professor Gobbledegook himself, Felix Magath! Cheese on thighs to the new world order!

Van Gogh cut off his own ear because he had a premonition that Martin Keown would one day be a co-commentator.

I'm glad the bean counting dweeb patrol over at ITV have seen sense and restored Andy Townsend to the co-comm top table. A trusted voice in a sea of shysters!

Nothing says 'hurry up, Euro 2016' more than the protracted negotiations of a vile pigeon faced twerp's image rights.

Pearson is clearly potty and I'd legitimately forgotten 'RDM' existed but when you've been humiliated, disgraced, debauched and THEN managed by Eric Black, your standards loosen up a bit. Not enough for Steve Bruce, in this lifetime or the next, mind.

Even a momentary glance at Randy's farewell statement will tell you just how far off the reservation the chap now is. Uncomfortable reading. Anyway, welcome Dr. Tony, Recon and our new 1 billion fans.

Beat Norwich at home and didn't lose to Newcastle in either game. The only proof I need that they both deserved to go down.

Maybe, like West Indian cricket in the late 90s, there should be serious suggestions put forward about just altogether stopping operations for a few years, at least until Randy's tarot card reader can negotiate a safe sale with the next wacky with a wallet. Then, after a stringent parole hearing, we can perhaps slowly reintegrate ourselves back into the sporting community. Like Aldershot.

So presumably we'll be renaming this thread Frederick's Sky Bet Championship Emporium imminently?

If it didn't at least feign some form of meritocracy then it's a nonsense. You can imagine Milan, for instance, not exactly top of the pops anymore, feeling entitled to be there due to all sorts of dazzling revenue charts and viewing statistics.

I see 1982 European Cup runner-up Karl-Heinz Newspaperfiller is flapping his gums about a super league again.

What happened to the original thread?

It was 5.55 when I turned on so they still had some old wrinkly grizzler talking with Don 'Corleone' Goodman about the latest rumblings in the Jordan Rhodes saga, killing time 'til the Sky stunnerz kick off for the big 6pm tea time gruel shower ( the dreaded words Coming Up: Ray Parlour literally popped up as I typed this). At least the Man City manager stuff prevents Guillem Balague, always on a crackly phoneline from 1932, waxing lyrical for fifteen minutes about a Levante wing-back who Swansea have failed to secure a work permit for.

Pete Guatamala, January 2016 "The Bundesliga winter break is too long. I've had my stubble perfectly curated by a herd of monks twice this month and been to the opera fifteen times and even I'm getting sick of it! I miss beating Hamburg 37-0!" Per Guacomole, December 2016 "Anyone ever notice how kerrazy the fixture list in England is?!"

Got to love the high highs and crushing low lows of the "five things we learnt from Joe Hart's change of boot manufacture" culture we've doomed ourselves to. I see the fantasy football champions are also out in force today, offering nuanced insight that'll soon put your Butch Wilkins' and your Tony Cottees out on the dole. What's that, Obi-Wan Kenobi, sticking Mahrez and Vardy in your team because they're cheap and get loads of point is a GOOD idea? Are you sure you're a call centre middle manager in Castleford and not the ghost of Bill Shankly?

Michael presumably stabilising his blood pressure somewhere after the devastating departure of Danny "Fifty Shades Of" Graham.

We won! Hennessy, you delicious fool, no wonder you're in my fantasy team!

Just sat my little lad down. Broke the news as gently as I could. He bawled his eyes out, bless him. Naturally, he's off school today. "But father, Jermaine Jenas was my favourite player."

Fine in Ex-Machina but her representatives must have incriminating photos of everyone in Hollywood to have been able make her so ubiquitous. Take a fortnight off, we'll cope.