Frederick

*has an idea*

Come on, let's hit ten teams like the old SPL!

Wait, what?!

By all means, Michael. The Frederick Cup? Oh lordy, anything but that!

Hello Brotherhood, Has this season's Fantasy League been set up yet?

Poor Baby. You have my love and support, as always.

Well, there it is. See you in August.

Come on now.

Given that we're even considering talking to McLeish, it wouldn't surprise me if a pack of tarot cards and a blind witchdoctor were responsible for Villa's executive decision making process.

Ouch.

Yep!

For the record, the second most important thing is to not hire the guy who relegated your local rivals twice whilst playing the worst 'brand' of football in the history of the universe.

I rate both players, don't get me wrong, and for all I know they both may end up being brilliant internationals with unbelievable careers but Christ almighty you used to have to have done something a little bit more to be worth nigh on 20 mil than play in Blackburn's four game undefeated end of season run-in. You know the minute one of them delivers a bad pass they'll be reminded of how much they cost by every tabloid hack and phone-in Neanderthal 'til their ears bleed. The same ones that mocked a certain football club when they purchased Darren "unproven" Bent.

Also, allow me if I may to lament the fees supposedly being spent on Phil Jones and Jordan Henderson. One senior England cap between them yet both apparently worth more than Manuel Neuer. Good grief.

Like everyone, I wanted Gerard to gracefully exit from the stage (though we all know that's not how it was) but to be honest I find myself whimpering away from the conversation whenever it comes up. I like the fact that we rang Ancelotti, presumably just for the sheer hell of it, but really none of the seemingly obtainable candidates stand out. For me the most important thing is to get it sorted quickly. Selling our best player with no manager in place, two summers in a row = doom.

Apparently attaching a shark fin to silver is hard work!

Oh Birmingham City, how you tickle my plump, top half of the table supporting belly! Sadly I was once again unable to catch an impressive leader, this time Ed, in the SPL-like version of the BZ League, though I did win the more sexy, head-to-head championship! I'm particularly pleased to have clinched it with an away (!) win over my nemesis, Average! I couldn't hire an open top bus at short notice, and the trophy is still in the shop, so instead I will be parading a tin of baked beans around my street from 2 til 4 this afternoon. Do swing by if you're in the neighbourhood!

Thank you my new Iranian friend, me and the wife have our first session booked for next week!

Can someone please make me a nice signature using the following pictures... Oh, and slap the name Frederick somewhere on it, too. Thank you!

Dear Jesus, Please relegate Birmingham and Wigan. Regards, Frederick

Ideal pre-season would look like this... Houllier gracefully announces his retirement after the Liverpool game. Gary Mac leaves. Someone Great is swiftly appointed as manager. Ashley is sold to Liverpool for A Load of Money. Charlie Adam signs. Heskey is sold for the price of a Kit-Kat chunky and an old JVC telly to Leicester. Dunne and Warnock leave and are suitably replaced. Carew leaves. Kyle Walker signs permanently but stops playing at right-back. Reo-Coker and Friedel...hmm, still not sure what I want to happen to them.

Tove Styrke