Frederick

I look forward to when this decision becomes the official scapegoat for England's elimination.

Christ almighty, what should be a great cover is instead reduced to utter pish.

Bruce's me against the world the demeanour always rankled with me; he seemed to have plenty of cash to throw around yet all of his signings felt based on hope rather than any semblance of a plan. The exits of Bent/Gyan/Welbeck were legitimate grievances (to varying extents) but he was vastly underachieving long before then anyway. Which leads me to Martin. You may remember that I howled like a werewolf when he left us but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I don't feel much warmth towards the man these days. The ramifications of his time here are still very keenly felt and I think his exit was poor form on his part. Randy, I'm sorry. So long as you're sorry about Houllier, that is. Anyway, Michael, I hope the board have the chequebook ready, O'Neill doesn't do anything cheap as Habib Beye's contract can attest!

The only thing I enjoy about international games is the knowledge that this deeply amusing/highly sexy advert will be shown at least twice.

He told an anecdote on Kimmel the other day about throwing water balloons with Michael Jackson at homeless people like it was the most hilarious thing that had ever happened. The man's rotten to the core.

It was what I expected: two faceless mediocrities duking it out in a battle over who can defend the most recklessly. I'll guess that Bruce and McLeish both continue to 'tinker' with the starting XIs until well into the new year. Honestly, right now the club seems in complete chaos from top to the bottom. Looking at our squad it resembles a mad millionaire's orphanage, a freak show assembly of nearly men and unwanteds trudging around, waiting out their seemingly infinite contracts. Meanwhile, shock of shocks, McLeish has not been able to make us defensively solid, something that was never likely but was persistently assumed by lazy hacks in their annual "why are Villa fans so ungrateful?" pre-season columns. Given's a definite step up from Friedel but Dunne and Collins become more and more of a sitcom pairing with each passing week, while Warnock looks like a man uneasily adjusting to life outside of prison, or as its known in the Premiership, training with the reserves. And as for Hutton...well...

No.

Rooney only scores against Switzerland anyway.

Coming Soon!

Erm, Michael's going to have to explain this one to me.

Fattest country in Europe, m'lud.

Ving Rhames: Stephane Sessegnon Dolph Lundgren: Nicholas Bendtner Omar Sharif: Ahmed Elmohamady Adrian Brody: Niall Quinn Freddie Highmore: Craig Gordon

Anzhi Makhachkala seems about right to me. Meanwhile I've found myself deeply moved by the story of Asamoah Gyan and little Billy Bluecap (here's the link in case you inexplicably don't have the Sunderland Echo bookmarked), so much so that I'm seriously thinking of making it into a motion picture extravaganza! Naturally most of the budget would need to be spent on special effects as its very hard to re-create the unique facial stylings of Steve 'making it up as I go along' Bruce, but at the core would be a truly heart tugging inspirational tale!

Of all the mercenary scum destroying the game Tevez is right up there with the worst. Also, 'with whom'? Yeah I bet Carlos Tevez says 'with whom' all the time.

Bayern didn't even have Badstuber, yet not once did City test the problematic van Buyten. Kolo Tour

Wah wah poor Arsenal goo goo ga ga completely outplayed poor Arsenal wah wah life without 'Cesc' wah wah Nasri wah wah

Second round, here we come!

So you'd hazard a guess that he'd be willing to pay for Hazard?

Hello, TheEnigma, my name is Frederick (not literally) and I support Aston Villa and Borussia Dortmund. My favourite colour is green and I enjoy walks along the beach and the films of Kevin Bacon. Inexplicably I don't have a thread in the Guys of Bellazon section.

Michael, you could have at least warned us that the video contains gurgling sycophant Jonathan Ross and his vomit inducing new beard!

Please, more people join the fantasy league!