Frederick

Zooey. Rihanna. Avril. Shania! Bic Runga. Karen O. Lykke Li. Priscilla Ahn. 1990s era Jewel, Janet and Mariah. School of Seven Bells. Vanessa-Mae. Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Nina Persson.

It seems inevitable to me (and therefore the universe) that there will be an Unrated Edition on DVD. Extra sideboob and naughty words, here we come!

Disingenuous!

Houllier brought in his own crew, including Gary McAllistair and that French physio who had a fight with Patrice Evra at the World Cup, and right from the word go there was moaning about how grizzly the training is. This may well be perfectly true but I have little sympathy for our players (the senior ones) because they've been serving up feeble, ill tempered dross all season; irrespective of the manager, the tactics or the opposition (don't get me wrong though, Houllier's tactics are often utterly bewildering). Okay, we played really well at Chelsea and got a noble draw against Man Utd, but that's it in terms of any feigning credibility. Houllier being Houllier, blames O'Neill for our zonal marking woes, though funnily enough I don't recall conceding anywhere near as many goals when we were "only" finishing 6th. But then its important to remember that Houllier talks complete and utter nonsense. The man is a curious blend of aloof smugness and Embarrassing Grandad, and I truly despair as to where this may all be leading to. It was almost endearing watching a nervous Wolves try and convulute a reason to throw away three points today, when in reality they should have massacred us and done their goal difference the world of good. We were terrible. We are terrible.

They were drunk, going around berating club staff about our 'harsh' training set-up. Anyway, it all kicked off after Houllier left the premises to watch some Champions League game. Apparently Fabian Delph tried to play peacemaker. End the season early, the Premiership's even more rubbish than usual this season.

It was Barry Lyndon, by the way. Stanley Kubrick. No biggie. Kubrick.

You guys can decide who goes next.

I think they were already due on at 2-0 and then as they were getting kitted off, they scored again. Absolutely farcical. Thing is, we only have two more games in the whole of March, so this idea that the battle for 12th is so intense that we have to rest players when a very winnable home cup quarter-final against Reading is at stake: pathetic.

Annnnnnnnd just like that Houllier goes back to being utterly untrustworthy.

Oh Jamie, you and your saucy appearances in Unnecessarily Expensive Fat White Man Suburban Comedy Monstrosities!

OH GOD

Hey guys, someone told me there was a party going on in WHA?!

Incorrect!

Koscielny's always been decent, its Squillaci who's crap.

So good a competition that even Schalke have a chance of reaching the last eight. My eyes, they roll!

GQ Germany

Oh well, at least McClaren did a slightly better job following German football than Gareth Barry.

No joke, years ago Sandler was attached to star in something called 'Good Cook, Likes Music' with Ziyi Zhang. Though it was (mercifully) never made, here's the synopsis that was provided back in the day. "The plot of the planned film centers around a slacker and lovable loser who lives with his mother in a trailer park. One drunken night, he sends away for a mail-order bride who ends up being a musical prodigy, and they change each other's lives." I tell you, this could have been Sandler's very own To Kill a Mockingbird! Meanwhile in the Jamie Chung sphere, video from the new Complex shoot...

Poor Steve McClaren, had a feeling he was on his way out a weeks ago when watching Dortmund handsomely slice apart his Wolfy boys. In fact after the third goal had gone in the camera crew seemed to all but give up on the football and focused instead on McClaren's fairly intense histrionics on the bench, with the commentators often adding their own cruel laughter for full tragi-com affect. Then this weekend he had the indignity of Diego missing a penalty he had specifically told him not to take in a game they ultimately lost 1-0.

"Me rikey Jamie!"

Roberto Di Matteo? More like Joberto Di Ma-sacko!