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Indiana Jones vs James Bond


Pauline

Indiana Jones vs James Bond  

79 members have voted

  1. 1. Indiana Jones or James Bond?

    • Indiana Jones
      36
    • James Bond
      38


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Goddamn, that is a hard one.

Objectively I have to choose James Bond for several reasons.

Comparisons:

1. Charm - Both are very likable characters in different ways. James Bond is certainly more suave, Indiana Jones is more down-to-earth. Jones certainly gains points for such spectacular moments as the unexpected blasting of the sword-wielding villain, and Mr. Bond gains points for his ability to be unequallably cool in just about every environment or location. The silent fight between 007 and Le Chiffre's deputy that takes place in the Miami casino, for instance. I'd have to consider this one a tie. Winner: Tie

2. Looks - While Daniel Craig is very masculine, and a decent looking guy, Harrison Ford is IMO the better looking of the two. Perhaps I only say that because I look more like Ford than Craig, but that has nothing to do with it. Winner: Indiana Jones

3. Weaponry - The Whip has a coolness that rivals the coolness of superfreezed carbon, but all in all Indiana Jones' assortment of whips, revolvers, and the odd WW2 era rifle/rocket launcher has no comparison to the arsenal that Mr. Bond has at his disposal thanks to our friend M. Silenced pistols, SOCOM rifles, poison vials, transforming cars and other unrivalled weapons of spectacular annhilation. Winner: James Bond

4. Fighting Skills - Indiana Jones has a nifty punch, but he doesn't stand a chance to Mr. Bonds mastery of various Martial Arts. We all know that when it comes to it, Bond would beat Jones in a fistfight. Hell Indy got beaten up by nothing more than a big mechanic, while 007 killed two trained assassins without use of weapons, environment, and when he was outnumbered and out-armed. Winner: James Bond.

5. Seduction Skills - James Bond would be capable of achieving an orgy with all of Hollywood's actresses while he is the only male. Jones is charming, but doesn't have the same irresistibly that 007 does. Winner: James Bond

6. Verbal supremacy - A hard call. One need only watch James Bond's conversation with Vesper Lynd to see that beating Mr. Bond in a verbal exchange is roughly as hard as imagining Michael Jackson without plastic surgery. On the other hand Indiana Jones has his own method of clever insults and jabs, but all in all 007 is the winner. Winner: James Bond.

7. Dangerousness of enemies - Indiana Jones faces the regular Nazi army, while James Bond variously faces every terrorist in the world, the KGB, the CIA, varios mercenaries and special forces units, all the while maintainig calm and lethal. Winner: James Bond

8. Coolness of objectives - James Bond generally has to save the world or close to it, while Indiana Jones has to retrieve artifacts -- which he often, ultimately, fails at (falling into the hands of the govt., or giant chasms, or alien spaceships). Winner: James Bond

9. Outfit - Indiana Jones outfit is simply the definition of awesome. James Bond wears nice suits, Omega watches, and Tom Ford shirts, while Indiana Jones wears a leather jacket and chaps that might as well be painted "dont fuck with me." Winner - Indiana Jones

10. Vehicles - Astor Martins, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Helicopters vs. a few old pick up trucks, and the odd tank. Winner: James Bond.

11. Environment - Jungles, Lost Worlds, and alien temples vs. anywhere in the known world. Close, but..., Winner - Indiana Jones

12. Life - James Bond sleeps in the best hotels, in the nicest locations in the world, with the hottest women since the time of Christ, while Indiana Jones is lucky to crash in a friend's house in the stinking bazaars of Cairo. Winner: James Bond.

13. Sense of humor - James Bond makes the odd wisecrack, while Indiana Jones manages to make dead men laugh with lines, behaviors, and such awesome feats as having Adolph Hitler sign a diary detailing how to defeat him. Winner: Indiana Jones

14. Character - James Bond is lethal, hardened, and wrought of a brutal yet mostly moral definition of principles. Indiana Jones has not a flaw in his character, though. Winner: Indiana Jones.

15. [solo] factor - Indiana Jones is a college professor with a supreme injection of badassness, who hails from a great country, and fights some pretty shitty people. James Bond on the other hand is an agent of the greatest nation ever, sworn to defend a monarchy arguably traced to God himself, while fighting basically everyone -- and winning. Winner: James Bond.

Indiana Jones total score: 6.

James Bond total score: 10.

Winner by [solo] decision: James Bond.

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