Jump to content

TV Quotes


Recommended Posts

oh great topic heidegger...the first one i actually like :p

Family Guy

Grinch: You think you have won, you think all is well but kiss my green ass I shall see you hell

"Guns don't kill people. Dangerous minorities do"

The Simpsons

Flanders' mother: We've tried nothin' and we're all out of ideas

Miss Vicky: I would've killed for tappa-tappa-tappa

Ned: Calm down, Neddilly-diddily-diddily-diddily-diddily

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Dave Chapelle as Clayton Bigsby:

"Let's talk about Chinese people, with their kung-fu and all that silly ching chang chong talk, I can't understand yoooou, go back to your own country...white power"

"Condaleeza Rice sounds like a mexican dish. Maybe we should put her on a plane and send her to Mexico so the Mexicans will eat her...white power"


Link to comment
Share on other sites


Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

(also my fav simpson episode)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cartman: Gentlemen, thank you for coming! This is the beginning of a great time in our lives! God has finally spoken to me, guys, and he has told me how I can make ten million dollars!

Kyle: How?!

Cartman: Boy-band!

Stan: Boy-band?!

Cartman: Boy-band!

Kyle: I'm not being in any faggy boy-band!


Stan: Dude, we don't have any musical talent!

Cartman: That didn't stop any of the other boy-bands, dumbass!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

more family guy:

Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ...

Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.

Brian: Oh, oh you speak English!

Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.

Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?

Bellboy (Spanish): Que?

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?

Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.

Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.

Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."

Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.

Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.


Quagmire: Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all these magazines. Oh God.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From Roseanne. An old but good show.

Dan: What a beautiful day - the kind of day that starts with a hearty breakfast and ends with a newsreader saying, "... before turning the gun on himself."

D.J.: Was I an accident?

Roseanne: No, D.J., you were a surprise.

D.J.: Oh. What's the difference?

Roseanne: Well, an accident is something that you wouldn't do over again if you had the chance. A surprise is something you didn't even know you wanted until you got it.

D.J.: Oh. Was Darlene an accident?

Dan: No, Darlene was a disaster.

Roseanne: Ya know Lanford's not a bad town. You just gotta go with it more... fit in.

Kathy: And what does that mean, Roseanne? Am I suppose to wonder around town in a tacky house coat and flip-flops with my hair in curlers?

Roseanne: Now you're getting it. Yeah. Absolutely. And then I'll throw us one of these here tupperware parties and then I'll introduce you to THE OTHERS.

Kathy: What are you talking about?

Roseanne: Oh, we all use to be like you Kathy. Angry, bitter, annoying... but now... we're the Lanford Wives.

Kathy: Goodbye, Roseanne.

Roseanne: Oh, it's useless to try and resist us Kathy, we already have Jerry - Jerry's one of us - Jerry joined the lodge.

Kathy: You're a sick woman Roseanne.

Roseanne: Oh, you'll start to love it, I promise Kathy. Just think about it... swap meets... bowling meets... bingo... double coupon week... casino night at the slaughter house. IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

Becky: Darlene you just shouldn't let sex rule your life

Darlene: You know, thats the same speech mom gave me. Except you left out the part "... or you'll end up like Becky".

Roseanne: [to DJ] Son, I'm going to punish you so hard that they'll throw a benefit concert for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


[after Milhouse moves out of town, Skinner and Willie are shocked to learn that Bart and Lisa have become best friends]

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.

Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Create New...