I'm interested in Michael's take on the game yesterday (you know, the game). Normally I'm honest enough to rip into our boys when we deserve a beating but I genuinely thought we were worth a point. Why we're playing Dunne when our best central defensive pairing is so obviously Cuellar & Collins truly begs belief, though I'm sure a man of Hou's intelligence will come around to my way of thinking soon enough. There's no doubting that Dunney had a great season last year, much to my surprise, but he's just not cutting it so far this campaign.

Good to see City get thoroughly spanked today, particularly enjoyable to me was observing David Platt and Brian Kidd's studious demeanour on the bench. Surely, surely no one actually believes that they are the real coaches of this team! I mean really, they were so obviously hired solely for a shot of "traditional flavour". Anyway, even with his ever expanding waistline and balding middle-age, the 2010 Platty surely couldn't have done any worse on the pitch than a certain other slow, portly England midfielder with prior playing time at Aston Villa.

Who-ney?

Another entry in the "footballers who look like lesbians" list?

I'm interested in Michael's take on the game yesterday (you know, the game). Normally I'm honest enough to rip into our boys when we deserve a beating but I genuinely thought we were worth a point. Why we're playing Dunne when our best central defensive pairing is so obviously Cuellar & Collins truly begs belief, though I'm sure a man of Hou's intelligence will come around to my way of thinking soon enough. There's no doubting that Dunney had a great season last year, much to my surprise, but he's just not cutting it so far this campaign.

I left the game thrilled with the win, but there was plenty of head scratching going on as to quite how we managed to grind it out. Despite initially looking good value for the lead, I thought we were distinctly off colour after the break and was convinced that an equaliser was coming as early as the 60-minute mark. Villa looked a much improved side after Albrighton came on, and the amount of times he and Downing ripped into us from wide areas was unbelievable (Jeff). Not sure if it was a rehearsed tactic on Houllier's part or an improvised ploy but the crossfield ball from winger to winger caused havoc on Saturday and will do against plenty of other teams this season.

So in short, I'll gratefully take the points while admitting that we rode our luck for long periods.

Albrighton should have absolutely started and I just hope this doesn't start a precedent whereby Hou cherry picks what games he should and shouldn't play because 1) we're already light on numbers 2) he's too good for that and 3) Ireland's been pretty much useless since he arrived.

4-4-1-1 when Gabby gets back. Its the only way.

Another entry in the "footballers who look like lesbians" list?

He was already entered.

I think for any player to get an 11 out of 10 for improvisation from none other than Andy Gray (who we all know loves his headers) is pretty decent.

Surprised nobody at the FA has noticed what an obvious attention seeker and grade-A berk Phil Dowd is. Yesterday was one of the worst, most pathetic, "oh please won't everybody look at me" refereeing performances I've seen in a fair while. He comes across like a hammy actor in an amateur dramatics company who tries to steal every scene and ends up ruining the play.

No excuses about the result though. As much as it pains me to say it, we deserved a kicking and we got one. Bruce sent a team of kids into a lion's den (while players who lit up the World Cup kept the bench warm) and they were blown away by tougher and more determined opposition.

Derby day? More like direby day!

First, Villa. What turgid football we play. Basically our tactics consists of hopelessly lumping the ball up to man mountain Heskey, who's then presumably supposed to chest down the ball, scrape past four defenders and score. A likely story, I'm sure you'll agree! Meanwhile, someone put a leash on Reo-Coker! I can't bear seeing him tear away as our sole central midfield option any longer. Seriously, say Heskey holds up the ball...then what? Is Nigel or Sidwell going to come bounding in to finish the move? There's more chance of Fats Domino scoring a goal for us than those two!

Michael: I don't know what you're specifically referring to regarding Phil Dowd, though your sentiments certainly ring a bell. Heck, Mark "Clattertrap" Clattenburg's need to consult his assistant (who reminded me of a drunk man who'd just stolen a golf flag) and, for no credible reason, Rio Ferdinand, speaks volumes of the weak willed shenanigans referees seem to now regularly commit. And quite frankly, during these incidents referees always look like they've just been caught wanking. Forgive my crudeness but please, hear me out now. First there's the profuse sweating, then the furious shake of the head, then the useless denial that it ever happened and lastly, the haunting but forever internalised sense of shame. But can we ever have a laugh about it later? Certainly not; for being a referee is deadly, morosely, thoroughly serious business.

Sure sure sure, don't get me wrong, it is a tough gig but the trouble with refs is they want to skip straight past accountability to martyrdom in one sweeping movement. Its why they become such tedious, utterly earnest self-promoting media duds when they retire.

Attwell, Clattenburg and Dowd (amongst others) make me wonder if the refs actually know the rules of the game or just make it up as they go along, because I sure did learn a few new ones yesterday...

Apparently, you have no right to moan if an opposition player commits a red card offence right in front of you. Dowd, having watched Coloccini try to seperate Elmohamady's head from his shoulders in the fifth minute, seemed more intent on warning Cattermole for momentarily losing his rag. It almost reminded me of one of those ancient "You are the Ref" quiz questions, though I guarantee the correct answer wouldn't have been to award us a free-kick for said incident, virtually square up to our captain and then not bother even speaking to the original offender.

He also has this intensely irritating habit of taking the red card out of his pocket every time he issues a yellow one (and vice versa), as if to orchestrate the crowd and initiate some kind of drama whenever a foul is committed. In short, the guy annoys me no end. But it's also a measure of the embarrassing, spineless performance we served up that Dowd's pathetic posturing had no bearing on the result. In the end, we were lucky not to have conceded 10.

If United don't have a fixture on Saturday, maybe Rio Ferdinand could take charge of our game against Stoke. Not only does he seem to fancy himself as some sort of refereeing oracle, he's apparently recognised by the likes of Mark Clattenburg as a qualified official.

Clattenburg got on my bad side after the now all but forgotten Thierry Henry Villa Park incident of five or six or seven years ago, in which Calamity Clatters generously asked the lightly moustached Frenchman whether he'd like to take to a free-kick just outside the Villa box "quick or slow", having decided that his whistle was just a silly old waste of time. Unsurprisingly the former Renault spokesman elected to take it quickly and hit the ball into an undefended goal, much to the bemusement of everyone else on the planet. The goal stood and life was never quite the same again.

Anyhoo, back-to-back defeats for City! And what's this, Barry caught drinking in Scotland? Happy New Year!

I'm having a hard time picturing the Henry one specifically but I remember a spate of goals from quickly taken free-kicks around that time. If I remember right, it was Richard Keys superlatives all round when the big teams were doing it, but by the time it had filtered down and players from unfashionable clubs were giving it a go, yellow cards were being dished out left, right and centre because they weren't waiting for the ref's whistle. Funny that.

In an attempt to lighten the mood following our miserable derby day exploits, I'd like to present my first ever nomination for the "footballers who look like lesbians" archives - QPR 'keeper and serial banned substance abuser, Paddy Kenny.

Have we got enough to start a team yet?

Dear Gareth Bale,

Please start reproducing your Champions League form in the Premier League. I need some Fantasy points, damn it!

For Ed.

I remember Roy Hodgson took over at Fulham when they were virtually dead and buried at the bottom, with about 5 or 6 games to go. We'd beaten them 3-1 down at Craven Cottage to ensure our own survival and the poor guy was practically crying in his post match interviews. After that, the [insert team nickname that I can't remember here] never looked back - they thrashed everybody in sight (including Man Utd, if memory serves) and stayed up comfortably. A similar turnaround for Liverpool, maybe?

For Ed.

I love you Herve

I remember Roy Hodgson took over at Fulham when they were virtually dead and buried at the bottom, with about 5 or 6 games to go. We'd beaten them 3-1 down at Craven Cottage to ensure our own survival and the poor guy was practically crying in his post match interviews. After that, the [insert team nickname that I can't remember here] never looked back - they thrashed everybody in sight (including Man Utd, if memory serves) and stayed up comfortably. A similar turnaround for Liverpool, maybe?

Either that or we're as labile as teh mood of a person with bipolar disorder.

Please be the former.

Joy-gasm!

This weekend marks a great victory for all of mankind and hopefully these deeply moving events will now lead to a fresh set of legitimate elections in Burma. Wait, what are we talking about again?

Brucey played two up front and I'm loving it. Hunger, passion, drive, penetration: all displayed in abundance. Meanwhile Chelsea were almost geriatric in movement, so limp and lacking in ideas. Clearly Ancelotti hasn't a clue what to do without Ray Wilkins.

Honestly, I've got no idea where that performance came from. I sat down to watch the game purely out of obligation, figuring it'd be backs to the wall stuff for 90+ minutes. Even as we went two up, I was fully expecting Chelsea to score eight and the world to make sense again. But we played so uncharacteristically well that I couldn't even fault Phil Bardsley.

I won't dwell on this too much for fear of actually turning into Tony Pulis, but I suggest we add Chris Foy to our roll call of complete refereeing plonkers. As if his laughable decision to let Bratislav Ivanovic stay on the park wasn't bad enough, his admission that he actually saw Tom Huddlestone's blatant stamp on Elmander last week should see him struck off.

And finally - unlucky on Saturday, Fred. The fact that Albrighton and particularly Downing were overlooked for England call-ups last week is a joke, in my humble opinion.

Throwing away a two goal lead under any circumstances is always regrettable, especially against a team you haven't beaten at home since 1995, but on paper it was panthers against kittens and we did well to not only compete, but to dominate so much of the game. Albrighton has been largely outstanding this year and I think once he irons out the silly, often costly fouls he will get his England call up. Last year Downing seemed a loose fit, an indulgence we could ill afford; now he's at the centre of all our good play.