Frederick

Take a seat, Stan Kroenke, the new bloke at Fulham's Colonel Sanders lip fuzz makes you look like a teenager standing in a shadow!

Mario Whotze? Bayern Whochun? Pep Baldywhoa? Whoerpool? Champwhoians League Final? Nope, not ringing any bells...

Sad but also rather hilarious http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23240104

Interesting to see Sunderland bring Big Jozy back to England. I remember him looking utterly bereft of grace at Hull (but then again who didn't?!) though of course he was barely 19 then and has been banging them in for fun over at AZ for a good while now. He's also impossibly good on FIFA 12!

I thought the only thing Spurs were served towards the end of last season was humble pie. Boomtssh, thank you, thank you.

Excited to see Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang arrive at BVB. Welcome, young sir.

Is Mannone seen as Mignolet's replacement or will he be the number two? Should I read anything into Sunderland's other signings all being free transfers?

Matthew Syed versus the intellectual giants of Sky Sports News, not to mention former fake Irishman and absolutely AWFUL Racing Post 'tipster' Tony Cascarino.

Not watched any football in a month. Absolutely loving it.

Will any transfer this summer eclipse Luna?! Do us proud, Antonio!

We have a good track record with Danish players, here's hoping the big fella is no exception.

I love the way Mighty Joe Kinnear has swashbuckled his way back into the big time! Not since Frank Butcher's re-emergence on Albert Square has a crook from the past caused such bewildering carnage so quickly! He's a penguin shaped mulleted old school pudger lost in a world of metrosexuals and coalition government. Its not back to the future, its future to the back!

Welcome you pair of handsome devils!

Stick to the 'passive' aggressive hilarity of your little snidey asides, Mark, you blithering sociopath.

Only interest stems from learning little asides like Eric Lichaj's middle name, to be honest. Or the existence of the brilliantly named Joshua Richard Charles Darren Morgan Webb, once of Reading. Meanwhile my club has done the unthinkable and moved early in the summer market. Here he is, sensitively photographed by the avfc.co.uk gang. Welcome aboard, Aleksandar Tonev!

I trust that Chelsea supporters will keep the 16th minute applause in honour of 'Robbie' going for...oh.

As the old poem goes, Nemanja Vidic should have been sent off in 2010 League Cup final but wasn't, Uli Hoeness should pay his taxes but doesn't.

The trophy is for 2013 but Subotic's goal line clearance will be forever. You did us proud, boys and we'll never forget it.

Looks like ol' Sparky is in the running for Stoke. First signing Jose "relegation heh heh heh" Boswinga?

Fresh from the No Shit, Sherlock Morning Herald, presumably.

How to commemorate Michael's victory: guard of honour? Minutes applause? Or do we just go for convention and build a rubbish statue of Michael Jackson?