Today I will be happier than a seagull with a french fry.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

Demetri Martin

"Where you see ideal things, I see things which are only human, alas, all too human" / Nietzsche

Listen and Learn

 

Listen from the highest

Listen from the lowest

 

Listen from the Prince

Listen from the Shepard

Too much knowledge is an agony..............human beings can only bear so much reality...

“Friends show their love in times of trouble.” —Euripides

 

“A true friend is one soul in two bodies.” —Aristotle

Pay no attention to what critics say. There has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic

Far better is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, for they live in gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

 

This is only true within limits

 

The tradition whereby someone is honored can be celebrated with everything from chilled milk or a frothed cappuccino, to a sparkling champagne substitute or frosty nonalcoholic beer. It's not the value of the drink that makes the memory, but rather the true feelings of sincere goodness in one's heart for another. Within the shared intimacies of the relationship, words of encouragement become liken to a prayer, as special meaning connects thoughts to hearts, and moments to lifetimes. Even the most mundane or trite becomes a celebration as friendships bond, invoking good will for one's future. A simple, spontaneous gesture and thoughtful reflection now lingers in the mind as time stands still in the busyness of our worlds.

Wedding toasts:

 

May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in each other's arms. And if you must cheat, cheat death. But if you must drink, drink with all of us because we love you.

 

 

May you share a joy that grows deeper, a friendship that grows closer, and a marriage that grows richer through the years.

I have never studied the art of paying compliments to women, but I must say that if all that has been said by orators and poets since the creation of the world in praise of women were applied to the women of America, it would not do them justice. God bless the women of America.
—ABRAHAM LINCOLN

When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books of scripture are not enough.
When you have realized understanding, even one word is too much.
—Fen-Yang

Before marriage, a man would lie awake all night thinking of something you said

 

After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it

"They call it the American Dream

 

Cuz you got to be asleep to believe it! "

 

George Carlin

"I have to be liked so much by everyone. My wife said walking around with me was like walking around with a person who's running for the Mayor of nothing"

 

John Mulaney

"If you stop telling lies about me

 

I'll stop telling the truth about you.."

 

Henny Youngman

"It was the first time I was ever in love,  I learned a lot.

 

 Before that I never even thought about killing myself"

Steve Wright

"Instead of rotting away from cancer like a sad little goat boy, I've decided to find a way to live forever in another living form. Something that's a little more hardier kind of breed, more Hollywood-savvy. Right now with the help of several Native American shamans, we are creating a blueprint for a body, a receptacle where my soul will keep on living for about three or four more decades. I will be known as 'Denis Leary.' To achieve this, I will live in a teepee in the desert, let the cancer take over my body, and just before I turn into Denis, for a year, the shamans will soak me in a tub of NyQuil and Sudafed.

 

-- Bill Hicks Diaries, 1990"

 

 

 

“If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.”
― Bill Hicks

“Nationalism does nothing but teach you to hate people you never met, and to take pride in accomplishments you had no part in.”
― Doug Stanhope

 

 

“Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.”
― Doug Stanhope