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Vincent: Lets go.

Max: Hey, why don't you just take the cab?

Vincent: Take the cab?

Max: Yeah, you take it. I'll - I'll chill. I'll - I'll just chill. They don't even know who's driving these things half the time anyway. They never check or anything. Okay... so... just - just take it. You, me...

Vincent: You promise not to tell anybody right?

Max: Yeah... yeah... yeah... promise.

Vincent: Get in the fucking car.

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Euro Trip:

Hostel Clerk: Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby. If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. You can also try hiding your valuables. In your anus. This will deter some but of course not all thieves. Once you are inside, the doors are chained and locked from the outside. They will not be opened again until morning, no matter what. Should a fire occur due to our faulty wiring or, uh, the fireworks factory upstairs you will be incinerated along with the valuables that you have hidden in your anus. Tips are greatly appreciated.

Cooper: Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. Oh, here's a fun fact: You made out with your sister, man!

[Creepy Italian Guy massages Jamie's shoulders]

Jamie: What-what the hell are you doing?

Creepy Italian Guy: Oh, scuzi, mi scuzi.

[after taking a drink of Absinthe]

Jamie: I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything.

Cooper: Me neither.

Scott: Sober as a judge.

[to a hallucinatory green fairy]

Scott: How about you?

Green Fairy: I'm not feelin' a goddamn thing. This Absinthe is BULLSHIT!

Scott: A dollar and 83 cents American. What can we get for that?

[cut to a lavish Slovak hotel]

Scott: Gotta love that exchange rate!

Anna, The Camera Store Girl: I'm going on break. I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. Would you like to join me?

Jamie: I don't smoke.

Anna, The Camera Store Girl: Neither do I.

Mad Maynard: If you really are a member of the Manchester United Fan Club, sing the Manchester United song.

Scott: Um, okay.

[begins singing]

Scott: My baby takes the mornin' train, he works from nine to five and then, he takes another home again to find me... watching the Manchester United Football Team. The best freakin' team in all the land. Woo hoo!

Jamie: I spent the last four years tutoring a lacrosse player just to pay for it. So nobody touches my camera, but me!

Cooper: So it's like your weiner.

Jamie: No it's not like my...

Scott: There are so many... penises. (In Germany)

Jamie: Frommer's tried to tell you. But you just didn't listen.

Cooper: This is the biggest sausage fest on earth!

Scott: It's the International House of Sausage!

Scott: Dear sweet mother of God... we're in Eastern Europe! :laugh: :laugh:

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More Eurotrip

Soccer Holligan:Oy! who the bloody hell are you? this is a private members bar. exclusivley for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world. manchester united. Now please, enlighten me. WHO THE FUCK ARE YA?!

Scotty:we're the manchester united fan club, from Ohio.

Soccer Holligan:if you're manchester united supporters, sing the machester united song? SING!!

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  • 1 month later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Eurotrip

Hey!!!!!!

Scotty doesn't know,

That Fionna and me,

Do it in my van every Sunday.

She tells him shes in church,

But she doesn't go,

Still shes on her knees, and...

Scotty doens't know, oh.

Scotty doesn't know-oh.

So don't tell Scotty!

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know.

SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

Fionna says shes out shopping,

But shes under me and I'm not stopping.

Cuz Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know.

So don't tell Scotty.

Scotty doesn't knoooooow....

DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

I can't believe he's so trusting,

While I'm right behind you thrusting.

Fionna's got him on the phone,

and she's trying not to moan.

It's a three way call,

and he knows nothing.

NOTHING!!!

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Don't tell Scotty.

Cuz Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't knoooooow....

SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

What a show, everyone will go.

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't knoooooow....

The, parking lot, why not?

It's so cool when you're on top.

His full on, your stuck.

Life is so hard, cuz...

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know.

I did her on his birthday.

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Scotty doesn't know,

Don't tell Scotty.

Scotty doesn't knoooooow....

Scotty will know,

Scotty has to know,

Scotty's gotta know,

Gonna tell Scotty,

Gonna tell

spaceballs-

Dark Helmet-"no no. lightspeeds too slow"

Colonel Sanders-"Light speed too slow?????"

Dark Helment-"we need to go straight to...Ludacris speed."

Colonel Sanders-"but sir, we've never gone that fast. i dont know if this ship can take it."

Dark Helment-"Whats the matter Colonel Sanders?? CHICKEN??

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knight of Ni: Firstly you must find....another shrubbery!

Arthur: Not another shrubbery!

Knights of Ni: then when you have found the shrubbery

you must bring it here and place it beside this shrubbery.

Only slightly higher,

so it creates the two-level effect

with a little path running throught the middle....

Then, when you have found the shrubbery

You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with......

a herring!

Black Knight: It's only a flesh wound!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Gallahad the Pure, and Sir Robin the-not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill, and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries: the Knights of the Round Table.

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NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Robin. So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing,

accompanied by his favourite minstrels.

MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.

He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.

He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,

Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,

Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,

To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away

And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out

And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged

And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off

And his pen--

several moments later...

MINSTREL: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away,

ROBIN: No!

MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely ran away, away.

ROBIN: I didn't!

MINSTREL: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.

ROBIN: No!

MINSTREL: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about

ROBIN: I didn't!

MINSTREL: [singing] And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,

ROBIN: I never did!

MINSTREL: [singing] He beat a very brave retreat,

ROBIN: All lies!

MINSTREL: [singing] Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin.

ROBIN: I never!

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Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle

on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third

one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle

in these islands.

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knight of Ni: Firstly you must find....another shrubbery!

Arthur: Not another shrubbery!

Knights of Ni: then when you have found the shrubbery

you must bring it here and place it beside this shrubbery.

Only slightly higher,

so it creates the two-level effect

with a little path running throught the middle....

Then, when you have found the shrubbery

You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with......

a herring!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

slightly before that...

We are no longer the Knights who say Ni. Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv'.

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TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

ARTHUR: Ohh.

TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!

TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

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SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow

Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and

orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.

SECOND BROTHER: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three

shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that

thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of

Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

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