Kathy Posted June 27, 2008 Posted June 27, 2008 Hi girls,I just want to pooor my heart out and get some opinions from you girls.My boyfriend wants to get married to me (he is talking about it) and we have been together for about 3,5years.The thing is, i have found out he emails this "female friends" friends of his, and i have seen some of the emails (he forgot to sign off so i looked into his email, bad of me, i know!). he flirts with them saying things like, "i would wanna invite you over to my new place, but that probably not a wise thing as i heard you got even more sexy". And when i ask him about that girl he says he isnt in touch with her anymore. And there are more girls, he just emails them and says sexually tinted stuff to them.I got so angry when i had read it. In the past I have caught him talking on msn with girls he met on hi5 or myspace.Should i be worried? The thing is, he wants to go to my parents and tell them we want to get married soon. Now im having second thoughts about it. What if he is a cheater? Do all guys do this kind of thing but do not act on it? Do you feel it is harmless?I feel like breaking up with him, but i dont want to tell him i saw his emails.Why do guys have to be such a**holes! Quote
M--- Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 I hope I can help... Is he really cheating on you physically or is he 'only' writing them mails and chatting with them? It doesn't have to mean anything... The kinky stuff I tell some of you guys on here I still only mean it as fun... So there might be the possibility that it looks really different for someone who doesn't know how the words were intended. I have a question: would it be okay for you if he flirted with them online but that was it? If he was honest about it and just used it as an extra 'kick' while he's faithful to you and uses it to spice up your life? I think if it's supposed to work out between the two of you then you should talk about it. You could even use it to heaten up your relationship (better flirting online than cheating, I'd say). But for all of this you need to know what it means for him to chatt with them... it could be just fun but it could also be worse... I think it might not be as bad as you think it is... but I don't know what I would do... I'd probably still get a little jealous if I had a boyfriend who flirted with other guys online. Quote
alisa Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 hun, you have to tell him about the emails. if he forgot to sign out, you did nothing wrong... its not like you just met the guy. if he cheats on line, and you are keeping a secret that you know about msn talks, is that really a good base to start marriage life? do you really want to marry and be paranoid every time he is on line? you have to be open about it. from what i know from my experience and my friends' is that the worst possible scenario is never true, but also your instincts should be your guide. don't follow your heart, follow your brain. you need to focus on your future and decide what is better for you. you didn't caught him cheating, but he lied about that girl. i'd say confront him... i know i would do that. maybe he lied so you would't worry... or maybe he lied cos he is an asshole. Quote
Kathy Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 I dont know if he acts upon it, but looking at the emails i dont think so.But even if he doesnt act upon it, i still do not feel comfortable about his writing this stuff.Basically i do not trust him anymore and its a huge deal for me.I know he wouldnt tell me the truth even if i told him i know about the emails.I wanna break up with him, but i still love him a lot....im in such a big dilemma!So do you guys think it is impossible for a guy to stay committed and not stray, for a life time? Quote
Kathy Posted July 5, 2008 Author Posted July 5, 2008 Doesnt matter now, i have found out his password. Dont ask. Its worse than i thought. He's actually making plans to meet with this girl. Worse thing is, that girl is 16!!! and he's 29! Im soo pissed right now i dont know what to do. He said he liked her since the first time he saw her, which was two years ago (so she would be 14!!) and he emailed her that he is single!!!! What an ass *ole!! I cant believe im engaged to this prick!! And the worse thing is, i never knew he was this type of person, i always thought he was the reliable type, one i could marry. She also mailed him some sexually explicit pictures. Why would she do something like that, at that age??Im so pissed i cannot think straight. I cannot tell him. I need to figure out a plan to make him pay. Anyway ideas? How about email that conversation (email) between the two of them to all his family and friends? To show what an ass he is.And isnt it illegal, what he is doing? Quote
alisa Posted July 5, 2008 Posted July 5, 2008 he is not doin anything illegal, just he has no moral values... he is a cunt... revenge is sweet, but what do u get from it on long terms... nothing...dump the useless SOTB!!! Quote
Ophelia_Immortal Posted July 6, 2008 Posted July 6, 2008 I agree! Get rid of him quick Kathy! He is a lying cheating scumbag! Quote
Kathy Posted July 7, 2008 Author Posted July 7, 2008 what i get is some closure. Shouldnt he pay for what he did?We're living together so im in a kind of bad situation. cuz after we break up we still have to live together for a while before we've sorted out our things. Quote
Ophelia_Immortal Posted July 7, 2008 Posted July 7, 2008 His payment is losing you.Get some friends together and do it when he is not home. Or bring the friends when he is home so he can't do shit to stop you. Quote
midnight lady Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 can't you go for a while to a friend?just till you set things Quote
Wild Rose Posted July 10, 2008 Posted July 10, 2008 I feel like breaking up with him, but i dont want to tell him i saw his emails.I understand how you're feeling, but you have to be honest with him, especially BEFORE he goes to your parents and start the wedding discussion. Quote
controversiaster Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 What is the legal age for sex in the Netherlands? If its 16, then copy and paste the conversation dated 2 years ago to the police, encourage him to meet the girl while informing the police about it and they can arrest him while you watch from the distance. Hunny, I honestly feel for you. But revenge is a dish best served cold He is obviously not the guy you would want to spend the rest of your life with. I agree with what the others say, would you want to see his smirking face at church when he says "I do" while doubts are running around like wildfire in your head? Obviousy not! You deserve a better man and someone out there deserves a woman like you and that person is not your current fiance. You are too good for that SOB and thank goodness you found about this before your wedding, otherwise you would feel a lot worse and cheated BIG TIME! And also, it means that you won't waste money on the wedding, reception, honeymoon etc! Another good payback is, if you two have a shared bank account that is either for the wedding or just anything like a future mortgage or something, I would head to the back right away and take 50% of the money and leave the rest to him. Or if you put more money every month, say like 65% of the total of each month, then take 65% of the final amount of money that you have now in the bank. He is not just losing you, but losing $$$ too and that will make him feel like shit. Oh yeah, if you want to be cruel, you can forward his conversations to all of his friends on his address book and MAKE THEM SEE WHAT THE HELL HE IS DOING. That way, he will also lose his friends, and his job if he has his boss's email too. Before you move out, make sure he isn't around in the house. Leave 30 minutes before you leave the door to break his playstations, computer (now he won't be in touch with that little bitch), plates, glasses, burn his clothes (underwear too), shoes etc. Leave the apartment and then throw the keys into the river or something- you now have nothing to do with your EX ever again. Sorry hun, but he is NOT for you. He loves you enough to not tell you the truth? Think about it and PLEASE keep me and the others updated! Remember: REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD! Quote
controversiaster Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 What is the legal age for sex in the Netherlands? If its 16, then copy and paste the conversation dated 2 years ago to the police, encourage him to meet the girl while informing the police about it and they can arrest him while you watch from the distance. from what I understand he was just chatting with the girl...isn't it ilegal if you have sexual relation with a person? I agree that he's being an asshole...but still if he hasn't something with the girl I don't think you can do much about that Quote
midnight lady Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 What is the legal age for sex in the Netherlands? If its 16, then copy and paste the conversation dated 2 years ago to the police, encourage him to meet the girl while informing the police about it and they can arrest him while you watch from the distance. Quote
midnight lady Posted July 15, 2008 Posted July 15, 2008 I still think you should just leave him and not take revenge Quote
controversiaster Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Not taking revenge is a sign of weakness, and he will walk all over her one day and it will give him the satisfaction. Quote
Wild Rose Posted July 16, 2008 Posted July 16, 2008 Not taking revenge is a sign of weakness, and he will walk all over her one day and it will give him the satisfaction. Quote
Kathy Posted July 16, 2008 Author Posted July 16, 2008 Thank you all for your replies! I have broken up with my boyfriend and am staying at my parents at the moment, just need to get some friends together to collect my stuff.Wow controversiaster, your revenge plan is a little extreme! All i wanted to do is forward those emails to his family but in the end i only forwarded it to his sister in the end, so she would know what he had done. I believe he is suffering enough now that he has lost me. He is kinda depressed at the moment. I kinda feel sorry for him. i know he deserves it and i shouldnt care. but i still love him and im feeling kinda crap also.Anyway, revenge is not for me. Its kinda lowering myself to his standards. So ill just let it be. I think it is punishement enough like this. Quote
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