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Frederick

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  1. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Ah, I give up. Gareth, do whatever the hell you want, son. Force Grealish to serve you cups of tea in the technical area, stick Sam Johnstone upfront, let Baddiel and Skinner give the team talk in pigeon Aramaic, play the new Van Morrison album over the Wembley PA before, after and during the game. Hell, if it rains and you fancy a brolly then you settle for nothing less than one with full Mary Poppins capabilities.
  2. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Forget Juicy Friday, all hail Manic Monday! Croatia-Spain was health and safety training on a grey morning in Luton compared to the towering, shimmering, barmy shenanigans of France-Switzerland! Why were France how they were in the first half, who is Lenglet's agent and how has he blagged his man a career like this, are we quite sure the cameras didn't miss Xhaka chucking someone through a plate of glass because I could've sworn he wasn't supposed to be able to handle such occasions (but boy did he). The penalty, the immediate wake-up of all the French power-beasts (except one, let's be honest), the unfathomable comeback, the BUTTER WOULDN'T MELT penalty taking (Akanjiiiii!), it feels like Sommer to me!
  3. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Ahem. Feared we might have a dour 0-0 on our hands but that was a lot of fun with a legendary own goal, roaring comeback and moment of glory for a certain much maligned forward. Friday could be juicy.
  4. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Think most knew a trio of cuddly wins at home didn't suddenly make the Dutch formidable but that was still a pretty limp display. I'm sure everyone'll be putting the boot in on De Ligt, who, befitting of his age and position, is clearly some way off from becoming Mr Consistency. As for the Czechs: meaty but there's some silk there; I ain't playing them twice!
  5. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    While the red-tops act like it's 1940, the usual "No, WE'RE rubbish and YOU'LL beat us easily!" pre-game chatter among brunch-class German and English fans is alive and well, coupled with obligatory articles reminding Bulldog Dave (who isn't reading anyway because of the pinko-media paywall) that Onkel Fritz cares more about beating the Dutch and Italians, so best to calm down a bit.
  6. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    You'd be heartless not to feel for the Hungarians, Germany were frighteningly bad in every which way imaginable. God knows who'll show up on Tuesday, the bundle of energy that ripped through Portugal or the incoherent nowhere men of last night (yes, we could obviously lose to both). If Southgate doesn't set his silkiest greyhounds on ol' man Hummels, I'll be calling into Talksport to declare it an act of treason.
  7. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Bit better, though suffice to say the Mail went with "Rampant Lions roar into Euros last 16" which is a bit like the old days of NME proclaiming a band the best in the world based on one good middle-eight from their debut EP. Seemed to me H-Magz for Mings was a bit pointless but Saka's selection worked out, Jack drew the fouls and bagged the assist, Kane had a bit more about him, even Irrelevant Till You're United Sancho was permitted entry onto the field of play for the barest of sniffs. The Czechs are alright, I'd be surprised if any team blew them apart in the knockouts.
  8. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    *Checks off Ousmane Dembele Tournament Ending Injury on his Euro 2020 bingo card*
  9. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Bold is the coach who lets an 80 year-old Pepe on the same pitch as Gnabry. The Wembley big screen whooper-a-thon isn't meshing with Uncle Gareth's pragmabore ways, a hairy arsed contest out in Baku would probably suit this team.
  10. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Move the game to 6am or whenever it was we played Nigeria in 2002 and maybe the masses won't mind as much? In lieu of an intriguing sporting contest, they could bring in John Motson to talk about breakfast, as I recall him doing for the entirety of that World Cup, even when the game before him was quite good. Or install Wazza Roo on the pitch at the end for a bit of "night to have ya own fans boo ya!" Algeria 0-0 energy and just burn the whole thing down.
  11. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Anemic about covers it. Scotland did what it said on the tin and credit to them, meanwhile we the ones with all the "vibrant ball carriers" seem to have decided that the one decent move we had against Croatia was an aberration to be frightened of, that "patient build-up" capped off with a clipped ball over the top (the heavier the better!) to a clapped out Hazza K. is the be-all and end-all move. Three man comm box was a good touch by ITV, though, enabling Ally and Dixie to crowd out Matterface's amped up prattle. Hey, they can stop showing that Gazza goal now!
  12. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Dortmund Always Give Yoof A Chance...except when they don't. A proper mishandling of a special talent, knew it then, know it now.
  13. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    Credit to El Chimpface (woeful pen aside), Rambo (bad misses aside) and the rest of the bechgyn for a job well done, Turkey barely looked arsed going forward even with the crowd baying them on. I shall be making other plans for when they play the Swiss, that's for sure.
  14. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    "Yippee, Alvaro Morata." - no one ever.
  15. Frederick

    Euro 2020

    The A Shot at Glory thespian brings an everyman's amiable curiosity to the job; not only that, he's every bit as good in a panel setting as he is in the co-comm thunderdome. His chemistry with Jon Champion, in particular, is very winning and didn't half make some of those dour Christmas Amazon games zip along. As for Andy's posting in the wilds of the Great White North, I'm afraid chalk it up to John Oates syndrome (note: I reject the premise that John Oates isn't fantastic on his own, personally, but I'm using a known cultural shorthand. Also, I recognise comparing Clive Tyldesley to Daryl Hall may strike some as overzealous). I also wish to mention Hal Robson-Kanu, whose utterances though bland were at least spoken with utmost velvety softness. You can tell he can sing. May be one to look out for.
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