In this thread we compose a joke or post a funny joke we've heard. 

 

Rules:

 

1. Be nice to Bzers but show no mercy otherwise. 

 

2. Also, do not be a twit and claim unfunny.  Everyone has a different sense of humor.  Not all jokes work.

 

3. Try to make your own joke.  It's fun!

What's the difference between a man's legs and a woman's legs?

 

The same set of balls is always dangling between a man's legs..

You are so ugly that you could be the beginnings of a new species

Erin Heatherton comes across as being a troubled woman

 

 

I feel bad, but only because she's the most beautiful troubled woman in the world

 

 

 

Let me show you the terrors of the earth...

 

Have you seen a Chinese kitchen?

The boyfriend is a feminine man

 

 

They eat from the same salad bowl

They won't know real happiness until they give birth

 

 

Then, it's too late

Quote

Watched the film Scarface last night. Quite a misleading title, I mean the bloke knew fuck all about scarfs.

 

Quote

Why is the North Korean dictator so evil? Because he has no Seoul.

 

^

haha Scarf-face.  Scarface is an unintentionally funny movie to me because of the vicious script and how the characters are so over-the-top stupid and evil. 

 

 

"You're fifty.  You got a bag for a belly.  You got tits.  You need a bra. They got hair on them..." 

 

"Her womb is soooo polluted 

 

I can't even make a f'cking little baby with her"

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

 

Mitch Hedberg

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

 

Mitch Hedberg

I want to get a map and put pins in the places I've been. But first, I'll have to travel to the corners of the map so it'll stay up.

 

Mitch Hedberg

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

 

Mitch Hedberg

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

 

Mitch Hedberg

Quote

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop at this train?

 

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

Norm Macdonald

 

I always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a saint 'cause she never actually performed a miracle. And it was towards the end, she was desperate to perform a miracle, so she would go up to starving children and go, 'What's that behind your ear? It's a quarter!'

Gilbert Gottfried

 

With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

Gilbert Gottfried

 

 

16 hours ago, jkjk said:

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

 

Mitch Hedberg

 

You seem to like self-depreciating humor. 

 

Here's  a master of it:

 

http://scomedy.com/quotes/Rodney-Dangerfield?search=&page=1

 

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

Rodney Dangerfield

 from the immortal HL Mencken:

 

We must respect the other fellow's religion, 

but only to the sense and extent that we

 respect the idea that his wife is beautiful

 

 

 

@frenchkiki correct?

 

Paris is like a whore, from a distance she seems ravishing, you can't wait to have her in your arms.

 

Five minutes later you feel empty, disgusted with yourself.  You feel tricked

 

Henry Miller

I guess it's true for any city in the world

I adore Paris so I am maybe not the right person to answer this.