Make a Joke !!!!

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In this thread we compose a joke or post a funny joke we've heard. 

 

Rules:

 

1. Be nice to Bzers but show no mercy otherwise. 

 

2. Also, do not be a twit and claim unfunny.  Everyone has a different sense of humor.  Not all jokes work.

 

3. Try to make your own joke.  It's fun!

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What's the difference between a man's legs and a woman's legs?

 

The same set of balls is always dangling between a man's legs..

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You are so ugly that you could be the beginnings of a new species

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Erin Heatherton comes across as being a troubled woman

 

 

I feel bad, but only because she's the most beautiful troubled woman in the world

 

 

 

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Let me show you the terrors of the earth...

 

Have you seen a Chinese kitchen?

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The boyfriend is a feminine man

 

 

They eat from the same salad bowl

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They won't know real happiness until they give birth

 

 

Then, it's too late

[17 Moments of Spring]

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Watched the film Scarface last night. Quite a misleading title, I mean the bloke knew fuck all about scarfs.

 

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Why is the North Korean dictator so evil? Because he has no Seoul.

 

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^

haha Scarf-face.  Scarface is an unintentionally funny movie to me because of the vicious script and how the characters are so over-the-top stupid and evil. 

 

 

"You're fifty.  You got a bag for a belly.  You got tits.  You need a bra. They got hair on them..." 

 

"Her womb is soooo polluted 

 

I can't even make a f'cking little baby with her"

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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

 

Mitch Hedberg

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The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

 

Mitch Hedberg

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I want to get a map and put pins in the places I've been. But first, I'll have to travel to the corners of the map so it'll stay up.

 

Mitch Hedberg

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I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

 

Mitch Hedberg

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I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

 

Mitch Hedberg

[17 Moments of Spring]

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A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop at this train?

 

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Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

Norm Macdonald

 

I always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a saint 'cause she never actually performed a miracle. And it was towards the end, she was desperate to perform a miracle, so she would go up to starving children and go, 'What's that behind your ear? It's a quarter!'

Gilbert Gottfried

 

With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

Gilbert Gottfried

 

 

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16 hours ago, jkjk said:

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

 

Mitch Hedberg

 

You seem to like self-depreciating humor. 

 

Here's  a master of it:

 

http://scomedy.com/quotes/Rodney-Dangerfield?search=&page=1

 

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

Rodney Dangerfield

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 from the immortal HL Mencken:

 

We must respect the other fellow's religion, 

but only to the sense and extent that we

 respect the idea that his wife is beautiful

 

 

 

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@frenchkiki correct?

 

Paris is like a whore, from a distance she seems ravishing, you can't wait to have her in your arms.

 

Five minutes later you feel empty, disgusted with yourself.  You feel tricked

 

Henry Miller

[frenchkiki]

I guess it's true for any city in the world

I adore Paris so I am maybe not the right person to answer this.