Frederick

MARIO, WHAT'S THE SCORE, MARIO, MARIO, WHAT'S THE SCORE? MARIO, WHAT'S THE... Just the tonic one needs after watching yet another feeble Villa doormat display.

A Madrid derby final would do me. One, it prevents even more utterly inane articles about the 'fascinating' mind games between Pep Guacamole and Jose Moronho. Two, any possibility of a John Terry "redemption" final is beyond repulsive and must be prevented at all costs. And three, I don't want that chubby backstabbing midget Mario winning any more trophies than is strictly necessary. Benfica-Juventus should be good.

Okay, Michael, I sat down under exam conditions and worked my way through these... 1) Does getting Stephen Ireland in the James Milner deal count? 2) Buying players just relegated from the Premier League is sadly considered too hoity toity for us these days. 3) Kyle Walker certainly proves the latter, Bertrand had a bright start but has tailed off quite a bit. Holt, who knows?! 4) Random signings like a Chesterfield striker who never scored more than eight goals in a League One season? And then predominantly using him as a winger?!? 5) We don't tend to stray further than the Eredivisie but I think the point still stands. 6) O'Neill, Houllier..... 7) Ding ding ding ding. 8) We did most of our business in the summer pretty early, went to America for pre-season, met Tom Hanks....seemed okay (pre-season, not Hanks, who I hear was a delight). 9) Carson Yeung's in prison, we made two spirited comebacks against the mighty West Brom. Yep, doesn't make us brilliant all of a sudden.

A brilliant performance from the boys, if little Mkho had brought his scoring boots with him we might in the semis. Thank you, lads!

Whoops, I obviously thought Sunderland were in another cup final at the weekend and forgot they were playing Spurs on Monday. Seems the team forgot too! Meanwhile someone better call Chris Akabusi because Paul Lambert's Villa are now Record Breakers! Ten home defeats in the league this season - for the first time in our entire history! With two games still to play! Plus don't forget the League Cup 0-4 whooping by AVB's Spurs, a team not exactly known for their attacking potency and of course the defeat by the blade of Sheffield United in the FA Cup. As soon as Benteke crocked it I knew Fulham were going to batter us and they pretty much did from the get go. How fragile are our boys if they take absolutely no morale from beating Chelsea? It begs belief. In two years under Lambert we seemed to have spent most of the time chasing our own tail, one step forward, three steps back. I'm none the wiser, I don't know our best team and I've no idea why some of our players are where they are. If there's a plan for this squad I haven't seen it. Yet no doubt this will be spun, as per usual, as deluded Villa fans grumbling amid unrealistic expectations. I was struck by something Michael wrote a few posts ago about Sunderland's bad decision making and how it eventually catches up with you and its hard not to think the same of us. Unless something truly heinous happens it won't be this season but 2014/15? To quote the great Ron Saunders, admittedly speaking in much happier times, "would you bet against us?"

Random marquee victories seem to be Sunderland's bag this season and Lord knows everything's going far too well at Everton at the moment, I wonder if its time for another wacky pendulum swing. Either that or General Magath's Fulham will beat us.

Didn't see the game, what was the thinking or alleged thinking behind putting Johnson on the bench?

The definition of loveliness.

Someone get Dame Rio Ferdinand a mobility scooter, a fat man moves towards a plate of salad quicker than he gets to a ball.

Get a grip, Neymar, you looked like a kid filling in for his dad's pub team.

Well it was a fun few days being the toast of the mid-table mediocrity but that's about as sickening a result as one could imagine.

To my mind Sunderland, at the very least, need a win and a draw before the back to back games at Chelsea and City otherwise their survival seems overly reliant on picking up wins against highly motivated fellow strugglers right at the climax of the season, which is a daunting prospect to say the least.

The draw for the last eight of the UEFA ITV Champions League Barcelona vs. Atletico Madrid Real Madrid vs. Borussia Dortmund Paris Saint Germain vs. Chelsea Man Utd vs. Bayern Munchkins The boys better buck up their ideas or we could get Schalked! And the Zooropa League draw Benfica vs. AZ Alkmaar Lyon vs. Juventus Basel vs. Valencia Porto vs. Sevilla

(to the tune of late '90s hit single Glorious by Andreas Johnson) sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's BRINGING ME IN, CHECKING ME OUT, MAKING ME MOOOOOYYYYESRIOUUUUUSSSSS

Reason 6,563,246,909 why Keira Knightley is the best.

I hope Man U sign a good centre half in the summer as they could do with another winger.

Joe Bennett just made the greatest comeback since Lazarus.

You're welcome, world.

He cried against Villa when he got booked when he first started at Boro and that seemed to set him up as a forlorn comedy figure for the ages, which in and of itself was a pretty minor "indiscretion", I mean you're getting battered by a woeful David O'Leary team, Luke Moore has just scored a hat-trick, wouldn't you cry too?!

Lee Cattermole strikes me as the kind of guy who could set fire to his house just by pouring milk onto his cereal.

The more regrettable purchase, Demichelis or the PE teacher attire? Only Klopp pulls off this look!

Shame about Carson Yeung, hope Birmingham bounce back soon! ....said no one ever.

These past few months Ol' Bug Eyes has been almost as anonymous as Kim Kallstrom!