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Monkey

Monkey

Posted
Posted

12-year-olds? I know kids my age who type like that.

Here's the chatspeak massacre of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven":

ONCE UPON A MIDNIGHT DREARY WHIEL I POND3RED WEAK AND WEARY

OV3R MANY A QUANET AND CURIOUS VOLUMA OF FORGOT3N LOR3

WHIEL I NOD3D NEARLY NAPNG SUDANLY THEYRE CM3 A TAPNG

AS OF SOMAONE G3NTLY RAPNG RAPNG AT MAH CHMBR DOR

!1!! OMG WTF LOL TIS SOMA VISI2R I MUTERED TAPNG AT MAH CHMBR DOR

ONLY THIS AND NOTHNG MORA

AH!111 WTF DISTINCTLY I R3MEMBR IT WAS IN TEH BL3AK D3CEMBR

AND EACH S3PARAET DYNG AMBR WROUGHT ITS GHOST UPON TEH FLOR

EAEGRLY!1!111! WTF I WISH3D TEH MOROW VANELY I HAD SOUGHT 2 BOROW

FROM MAH BOKS SURCAAES OF SOROW SOROW FOR TEH LOST LANORA

FOR1!1!!1 WTF LOL TEH R AND RADIANT MADEEN WHOM TEH ANGELS NME LENORE

NMELAS HER3 FOR3VERMORA

AND!!1!1 OMG WTF LOL TEH SILK3N SAD UNCERTANE RUSTLNG OF AACH PURPLA CURTANE

THRIL3D ME--FILAD MA WIT FANTASTIC TARORS N3VAR F3LT BFORA

SO TAHT NOW 2 STIL DA BATNG OF MAH HAART I S2D RAPEATNG

TIS SOMA VISI2R 3NTREATNG 3NTRANCE AT MAH CHMBR DOR

SOME LAET VISI2R 3NTREATNG ANTRANCA AT MAH CHMBR DOR

THIS1!11!!11 OMG WTF LOL IT IS AND NOTHNG MORE

PR3SENTLY!!111 OMG WTF MAH SU GREW STRONGER HESITATNG TH3N NO LONG3R

SIR SADE I OR MADM TRULY UR FORGIEVNES I IMPLORE

BUT TEH FACT IS I WAS NAPNG AND SO GANTLY U CME RAPNG

AND SO FANETLY U CME TAPNG TAPNG AT MAH CHMBR DOR

TAHT I SCARCE WAS SUR3 I HEARD U11!!!1! OMG WTF LOL HAR3 I OPENAD WIED TEH DOR--

DARKNAS THEIR AND NOTHNG MOR3

DEP1!!!!1!! OMG WTF LOL IN2 DA DARKN3S PERNG LONG I S2D THEYRE WONDARNG FEARNG

DOUBTNG DREMNG DR3MS NO MORTALS EV3R DAERD 2 DREM BFOR3

BUT DA SIELNC3 WAS UNBROK3N AND TEH STILN3S GAEV NO 2KAN

AND TEH ONLY WORD THEYRE SPOK3N WAS TEH WHISPARED WORD

LENOR3?!!??!??! OMG WTF THIS I WHISP3RED AND AN 3CHO MURMURAD BAK TEH WORD

LENOR3!!1!! WTF LOL MAR3LY THIS AND NOTHNG MOR3

BAK11!!11 IN2 TEH CHMBR TURNNG AL MAH SU WITHIN M3 BURNNG

SON AGANE I HEARD A TAPNG SOM3THNG LOUD3R THAN BFORE

SURELY SADE I SURALY TAHT IS SOM3THNG AT MAH WINDOW LATIEC

L3T111!! OMG ME SE THEN WT IS AND THIS MYSTERY AXPLOR3

LET!!1!1!!! LOL MAH H3ART B STIL A MOMANT AND THIS MYSTERY 3XPLORE

1!11 OMG LOL TIS DA WIND AND NOTHNG MOR3

OPEN!!!11 OMG HER3 I FLUNG DA SHUTER WHEN WIT MANY A FLIRT AND FLUTER

IN THEYRE STEPED A STAETLY RAEVN OF TEH SANETLY DAYS OF YOR3

NOT!111!1! TEH L3AST OBISANCE MAED HA NOT A MINUTE S2PAD OR STAEYD HA

BUT WIT MEIN OF LORD OR LADY PARCHED ABOVE MAH CHMBR DOR

PERCH3D111!!1! OMG WTF UPON A BUST OF PALAS JUST ABOVE MAH CHMBR DOR

PERCHAD AND SAT AND NOTHNG MORE

TH3N!!1!!1!1 OMG THIS EBONY BIRD BGUILNG MAH SAD FANCY IN2 SMILNG

BY DA GRAEV AND STARN DECORUM OF TEH COUNT3NANCA IT WORA

THOUGH THY CREST B SHORN AND SHAEVN THOU I SADE ART SURE NO CRAEVN

GHASTLY GRIM AND ANCEINT RAEVN WANDERNG FROM TEH NIGHTLY SHOR3

TEL!!!1! OMG WTF LOL M3 WT LORDLY NME IS ON TEH NIGHTS PLU2NIAN SHOR3

QUOTH!11!1111 WTF TEH RAEVN NEV3RMORA

MUCH!11!1! OMG I MARV3LAD THIS UNGANELY FOWL 2 H3AR DISCOURSA SO PLANELY

THOUGH ITS ANSW3R LITLA MAANNG LITLE R3L3VANCY BOR3

FOR WE CANOT HELP AGRENG TAHT NO LIVNG HUMAN BNG

EVER Y3T WAS BLES3D WIT SENG BIRD ABOVE HIS CHMBR DOR

BIRD OR BAST UPON TEH SCULPTURAD BUST ABOVE HIS CHMBR WIT SUCH NM3 AS NAVARMOR3

BUT111111! WTF TEH RAEVN SITNG LONELY ON TAHT PLACID BUST SPOKE ONLY

TAHT ON3 WORD AS IF HIS SU IN TAHT ONE WORD HA DID OUTPOUR

NOTHNG11!!1! WTF FURTHER THEN HA UTERED NOT A FAATH3R THEN HA FLUTARED

TIL I SCARCELY MORE THAN MUTAR3D OTHER FREINDS HAEV FLOWN BFORE

ON TEH MOROW HA WIL L3AEV ME AS MAH HOPAS HAEV FLOWN BFOR3

TH3N!!!!1!!! LOL DA BIRD SADE NEV3RMORA

STARTLED1!!!11!! AT DA STILNAS BROKEN BY R3PLY SO APTLY SPOK3N

DOUBTL3S SADE I WUT IT UTERS IS ITS ONLY S2K AND S2RA

CAUGHT FROM SOM3 UNHAPY MASTER WHOM UNM3RCIFUL DISAST3R

FOLOWED FAST AND FOLOWED FASTER TIL HIS SONGS ONE BURDEN BORE--

TIL TEH DIRG3S OF HIS HOP3 TAHT MELANCHOLY BURDEN BOR3

OF NEVER--NEV3RMOR3

BUT!111!! DA RAEVN STIL BGUILNG AL MAH SAD SU IN2 SMILNG

STRAGEHT I WHELAD A CUSHIONED S3AT IN FRONT OF BIRD AND BUST AND DOR

TH3N UPON DA VALVAT SINKNG I B2K MYS3LF 2 LINKNG

FANCY UN2 FANCY THINKNG WUT THIS OMINOUS BIRD OF YORE WUT THIS GRIM UNGANELY GHASTLY GAUNT AND OMINOUS BIRD OF YOR3

MEANT IN CROAKNG N3VARMOR3

THUS!1!1!1 I SAT ENGAEGD IN GU3SNG BUT NO SYLABL3 EXPR3SNG

2 TEH FOWL WHOS3 FEIRY EY3S NOW BURN3D IN2 MAH BOSOMS CORE

THIS AND MORE I SAT DIVINNG WIT MAH HEAD AT EAES R3CLINNG

ON DA CUSHIONS VALVET LINNG TAHT DA LMPLIGHT GLOAETD OER

BUT WHOSE V3LV3T VIOLET LINNG WIT TEH LMPLIGHT GLOATNG OER

SHE SHAL PR3S AH NEVERMORA

TH3N1!1! OMG WTF METHOUGHT DA ARE GREW D3NSER PERFUMED FROM AN UNSEN CENS3R

SWUNG BY SARAPHIM WHOS3 FOTFALS TINKL3D ON DA TUFTED FLOR

WRATCH111!1! OMG LOL I CREID THY GOD HATH L3NT THE - BY THASE ANG3LS H3 HATH

SANT THE R3SPIET--R3SPIET AND DA FROM THY MEMOREIS OF L3NORA

QUAF1!1!! LOL O QUAF THIS KIND NEP3NTHE AND FORGET THIS LOST LENORA

QUOTH!!!! OMG DA RAEVN NEVERMORE

PROPHAT11!!1!!1 SADE I THNG OF AVIL-PROPH3T1!!1!! STIL IF BIRD OR DEVIL

WHETH3R1!1! OMG WTF LOL TAMPTAR S3NT OR WH3THER TEMPEST 2SAD THE H3R3 ASHOR3

DESOLAET YET AL UNDAUNTED ON THIS DAS3RT LAND ENCHANTED-

ON THIS HOME BY HOROR HAUNTED-TEL M3 TRULY I IMPLORE

IS THEIR THEIR BALM IN GIELAD-TEL??!!?!!?! OMG MA-T3L ME I IMPLOR3

QUOTH111! OMG WTF DA RAEVN N3VARMORE

PROPH3T11!!111 SADE I THNG OF 3VIL-PROPHET STIL IF BIRD OR D3VIL

BY!!1!1 WTF LOL TAHT HEAEVN TAHT BNDS ABOV3 US-BY TAHT GOD WE BOTH ADOR3-

T3L THIS SU WIT SOROW LAEDN IF WITHIN TEH DISTANT ADE3N

IT SHAL CLASP A SANETAD MADEEN WHOM DA ANGALS NM3 LANOR3--

CLASP A R AND RADIANT MADEEN WHOM TEH ANG3LS NMA L3NOR3

QUOTH?!!??! OMG WTF LOL TEH RAEVN NEVERMORA

B!11!! WTF TAHT WORD OUR SIGN OF PARTNG BIRD OR FEIND111!! WTF LOL I SHREIK3D UPSTARTNG-

GET THE BAK IN2 DA TEMPEST AND TEH NIGHTS PLU2NIAN SHORA

LEAEV1!11!!! WTF LOL NO BLAK PLUMA AS A 2K3N OF TAHT LEI THY SU HATH SPOK3N

L3AEV1111!! WTF MAH LONALIENS UNBROKEN1!1! WTF - QUIT DA BUST ABOV3 MAH DOR

TAEK!!!!1 OMG LOL THY BAK FROM OUT MAH HAART AND TAEK THY FORM FROM OF MAH DOR

QUOTH!!!1 OMG WTF TEH RAEVN NEVERMORA

AND!!!1111! OMG WTF LOL TEH RAEVN N3VAR FLITNG STIL IS SITNG STIL IS SITNG

ON TEH PALID BUST OF PALAS JUST ABOVA MAH CHMBR DOR

AND HIS EYES HAEV AL TEH SEMNG OF A DEMONS TAHT IS DREMNG

AND11!!!! WTF TEH LMPLIGHT O3R HIM STREMNG THROWS HIS SHADOW ON TEH FLOR

AND MAH SU FROM OUT TAHT SHADOW TAHT LEIS FLOATNG ON TEH FLOR

SHAL B LIFTED--N3V3RMOR3

!1111!

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