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Britney Spears
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We all are well aware of the "is she or isn't she?" scandal that occured last week. X17 published shocking photos of Britney that revealed what looked to be a giant baby-bump that seemingly appeared overnight, while smoking a cigarette outside her Beverly Hills home.

A "spokesperson" for Britney (I'm pretty sure I'm her only spokesperson right now... but anyway) wants to clear the air of the pregnancy scandal in a statement to The Sun: "I want to make completely clear that Britney is not pregnant. There's not going to be a statement - she's just not." Sounds like a statement to me!

A friend close to Britney, aka the same "spokesperson" goes on to say "It's a mix of water retention, unflattering clothes and people liking to analyze everything she does. Britney's getting herself together slowly but surely and isn’t going to mess that up. She’s far too busy to even be thinking about a baby right now."

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Source: SF

On the second day the creature returned. The villagers laid Whoppers and Frappucinos along the sand dunes hoping to pacify the beast. I looked down at my gun and wondered if mere bullets would be enough to preserve my hide. Then I heard its call:

"Y'AAALLLL"

Warm urine trickled down my leg as I ran to my Jeep like a man possessed. Would I be safe behind it's metal frame? Or would the creature smell the Snickers bar tucked away in the glove box?

"Y'AAALLLL"

I looked down again at my gun then over my shoulder at the beast. I angrily threw the feeble sidearm into the bushes and hurried my pace. Suddenly, the air smelled of taco meat. The last thing I recalled was blackness and a sensation not unlike a bean-bag chair heated in an oven...

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