michelabella

She's beautiful!

In a way, my father took his life when he refused cancer treatments, so I understand where you are coming from. For a long time, I didn't understand why, and in a way, I felt he was punishing us for not even trying to get help, and it took years for it to finally sink in that it was about his own pain and trauma, and whatever was going on in his head, and not about his family and hurting us, and knowing that despite everything he loves us, just as your sister LOVES you. She was going through something that none of us will ever understand and at the very least her pain and suffering is over, and that with time, your families will as well.

I will never stop loving my father, and 21 years later (my father died June 1st, 1999) my heart still aches when I stop to think about him, but it WILL GET EASIER as time goes on, that I can promise.

You take every moment you can to remember her if even for a second, to smile and laugh at the memories, to remember her face and her voice. Don't shy away from any thoughts or memories good or negative, you're allowed to be angry (just don't act upon the bad ones pls) and take them as a learning lesson so you can grow. (I wish someone would have told me that). You are allowed to feel ANY way you want, and if it ever gets too much, take a moment to do something for yourself..

Maybe try a hot bubble bath, screaming at the top of your lungs, a long good cry, putting on music she loved or laughed at or even hated as a means of letting you vent, or just talk to someone you love. Find an outlet to bring her back into your life! I took on Scrap-booking and made wonderful over the top collages of things my dad loved, as well as pictures of us, and things WE loved.. or pick up a new hobby of doing something that she really enjoyed. My father was super into all things chemistry and science so I dove right into the deep end and started learning everything I could. It made me feel like my dad was with me. 21 years later I'm still learning.

You'll be okay! ❤️

I’m so sorry to hear about your father. 💔my sister refused to get better or to take any proper medication etc and instead decided to take her life. We tried and tried to get her proper help and intervention but it’s easier said than done in many cases. 💔 thank you for the great advice. I’m getting better one day at a time and the worst hell of it all is behind me (I hope and think). 2019 was all a blur and 2020 is so crazy, it’s keeping me distracted as sad as that is. I think talking about her and not keeping it a taboo subject is helping me to heal little by little. You can DM me anytime if you want. I’m an open book. ❤️

Thank you hun, you as well!