schadenfreude Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 World Ideologies as explained by reference to cowsFEUDALISMYou have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.PURE SOCIALISMYou have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn witheveryone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The governmentgives you a glass of milk.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISMYour cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers, You have to take care of thechickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government givesyou as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.FASCISMYou have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care ofthem. and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISMYou share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker aboutwho has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead ofstarvation.RUSSIAN COMMUNISMYou have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takesall the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on theblack market.PERESTROIKAYou have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes allthe milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"market.CAMBODIAN COMMUNISMYou have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.DICTATORSHIPYou have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.PURE DEMOCRACYYou have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACYYou have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who getsthe milk.BUREAUCRACYYou have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed themand when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then ittakes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.CAPITALISMYou don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.PURE ANARCHYYou have two cows, Either you sell the milk at a fair price or yourneighbors try to take the cows and kill you.ANARCHO-CAPITALISMYou have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.SURREALISMYou have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonicalessons.OLYMPICS-ISMYou have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trillingviolins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates themoving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in asuburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that theChinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched itsparents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition,severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets amulti-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is ledout of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no oneever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast atits Beijing restaurant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Taben Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 (Y) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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