The Joker Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." ***Brief Pause.*** "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** ***Even Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?"!! ! Quote
eNe Posted July 4, 2007 Posted July 4, 2007 In a school at a ghetto hood, The Maths teacher decides to make a practice.Teacher: Jamaal whats 2+2?Jamaal: I don't know!Teacher: Jeffery whats 2+2?Jeffery I don't know!Teacher: T-Dog whats 2+2?T-Dog: 4!Click-Click-Boom (Gunshot, and T-Dog is dead)Teacher: Why you killed T-Dog?Class: He Knows Too Much! Quote
The Joker Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 ^ OK ok... ......In the convent a young nun went to see the mother superior. "Mother, I want to quit the veil." "But why, my child?" "To become a prostitute." "What? What are you saying?" "I said I want to become a prostitute, mother." "Oh, you had me worried. I thought you said protestant!" ---------- Two blondes riding bicycles down a cobbled street, and one turns to the other and says "Do you know, Ive never come this way before." ...At last the hill was too steep and the poor blondes had to get off their bicycles and walk. As they passed a dark passageway two yobbos jumped out, dragged them into the passage and started to rape them. "Lord forgive them for they know not what they do", said one "Sshhhhhh", said the other, "this one does." ------------------- A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book." "How current is your copy?" he asks. "I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?" "I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet." "I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?" The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were,about 20 of them harassing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 350 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next." "So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!" St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?" ... ...."About three minutes ago." --------------- A man is at the bar,really,really drunk.When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he tumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really suprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the head, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said..... "Not so tough tonight, are you, batman ?!! ". ------------ Parental Advisory !!! OMGOSH After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go." The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. "Well, okay," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First if it hurts, you will stop right away, and second..." she continued, "you have to promise we won't go past my mother's.house" Quote
eNe Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 ^ A man is at the bar,really,really drunk.When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he tumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really suprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the head, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said..... "Not so tough tonight, are you, batman ?!! ". ^- Hahahahhaa, that one got me rollin'. ------- The blonde goes to the doctor and claims that she has injured every part of her body. Doctor says: "It's impossible. Try to touch your nose" Blonde touches her nose, and feels a real big pain: "Doc, it's so painful" Doctor: "Well, try to touch your toe" Blonde does so, and: "Doc, it's so painful" Doctor: "Really Interesting, now touch your toe" Blonde does so, and: "Doc, it's so painful" Doctor: "OMG, I have no idea what it can be. I have never heard for such a thing" 'LONG PAUSE' Light Bulb!==> Doc ask's the blonde: "Are you naturally blonde, or do you color your hair?" Blonde: "No Doc, I'm a natural Blonde" Doc: "Oh, I have fixed the problem, You have broken your point finger" :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Quote
The Joker Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 ^ Dirty seems fine to me :evil: K, ok... Warning : highly disturbing A couple of elephants and a couple of mice lived happily with each other in a cave. Oneday, the daddy elephant was chatting with the daddy mouse : "What do you think if we swap our wives for a night ?!! ". The daddy mouse agreed so they did what the daddy elephant suggested that night. The next morning, they found the mommy mouse was splashingly dead and the daddy mouse was gone. WHERE DID HE GO ?!!! Self-explanatory Quote
eNe Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 P.S.:If you add gas to your car, are you fueling it , or what is the exact verb I should use?Hook me up, and I will hit ya'll back with one of the :evil: Nastiest jokes EVER :evil: Where ya'll American/British people at? My english as a second language skills, aren't perfection, and I need some help! Whats the fuckin' verb I should use to tell that I am adding gas to the car? After I'll get the right verb, I will tell you one of the nastiest jokes. But I just can't fit it in english right now. Quote
The Joker Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 its simply "fill" :| . Fill up a gas tank ..... you mean ?!! Quote
eNe Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 This one is really dirty! Please read till the end, it's worth it! - There was a science fair in Japan, and every country in the world had sent someone to represnet them. This included Kosova also. When the fair started, a Japanese proffessor started to complain about something. The Kosovan representer guessed he was talking about the car. The professor asked:"Is there anyone that knows what I'm talking about?" The Kosovan representer was the only one that raised his finger. Proffesor:"You sir" Representer:"I think you were talking about the car" Professor:"Nah, not about the car, but about the Black car" The Kosovan representer got really confused, but decided to let it alone. Than prof. started to complain for something alse, and when he asked "Is there anyone that knows what I'm talking about?", once again it was only the Kosovan guy that raised his finger. Proffesor:"You sir" Representer:"I think you were talking about the motor" Professor:"Nah, not about the motor, but about the Red motor" Than professor started to complain for something else, and the Kosovan guy interfered. Representer:"Professor, may I ask a question?" Proffesor:"Yes sir" Representer:"What is something between the legs of a female, that gives pleasure to numerous males every damn night?" Professor:"I think it's the pussy!" Representer:"Nah, it's the pussy of your mama" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now tell me this wasn't a classic Quote
eNe Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 its simply "fill" :| . Fill up a gas tank ..... you mean ?!! Oh thanks , I will type the joke later. I don't know how I will make it sound in english, but I think I will be able to make you get the joke. And trust me it's damn funny. BRB Quote
The Joker Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 It is classic. But its still funny Those endless yo mama jokes . Quote
eNe Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 John has stolen a bread when he was six, and was punished with 15 years of prison.For the whole 15 years, he has never had contact with females.When he got out, he started to flirt with a girl. But when girl asked him for sex, he replied that he had no idea how it's done. The girl started to touch his "you know what", but the guy was feeling nothing. Girl went home crying.John was really sorry for what he had done, and decided to console with a doctor. The doctor gave him viagras, and advised him to use 1 in 10 days. When John went home, he wanted to try, how would they react. But he had Docs words confused, and thought he should use 10 in a day. He took 10 pills, and his YNW took over. He went out of the house, and started raping all of his neighbours, males, females, young ones, old ones, even their pets, but it still wasn't enough.He went back to his crib and called the Doc:"Doc I lost my control".Doc: Why, what did you do?John:"I took 10 pills, and my YNW took over"Doc:"OMG. Quick. Find some milk, and insert your YNW in it"John goes out, and asks all of his heighbours for some milk, and than he puts the milk in a pot, and inserts his YNW in it.And then everyone started screaming:"Run people. John is filling his tank for the second round" Quote
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