emerald7
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Everything posted by emerald7
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TW; It’s part of the job, I told myself. Like an athlete, sort of. I mean, yes, I hadn’t had a period in six years...but Olympic gymnasts don’t get one either? I’m not anorexic. I’m committed to my work. That’s different. Isn’t it? And when I’d go to my former agency, they’d still find flaws..so I can’t be that skinny? They’d say “your legs look athletic”. Which was code in agency lingo for bulky, fat even. Of course they were athletic, I was spending two hours a day doing Pilates. And I’m “pear shaped”, like they had told me. I had picked Pilates for that reason. Thinking it would shed the fat off my legs and hips but still build the “thinly toned” look they so demanded. But you can work and starve all you want and it’ll never shed the shape of your wishbone shaped hips. I didn’t realize that, so I clung to my worth in each number of the scale shed. “When I’m 115, I’ll be happy! That’s the perfect weight” I’d tell myself at 5’10 and already underweight. When I reached 115? 111. The number I had weighed at my freshman physical when my mom said “wow you’re really growing up!”. 111? Well 110 would be a lot better! 110? Well how hard is 5 pounds to lose? At 105 I wouldn’t be even considered a waif, by Hollywood terms. But I’d be close enough. I got to 108 when I started losing my hair. Falling asleep to fast and heavy heartbeats. I knew I was dying. I saw it as hard work. I’d relish in being able to wear clothes from the children’s section. Being able to wrap my whole grip around my forearm. I had no energy unless it was fabricated by caffeine. I told myself it was dedication and not disorder. And to this day, there’s a strong part of me that feels I’ve failed. That feels sad when I look at these videos and pictures and knows I don’t look like this anymore. That I’m not “strong” enough to get back to that point. Well, thank God for weakness then. I don’t know what I weigh now, but more importantly, I don’t really care. I know my worth is more than a number. I know that I can be committed to my career but also to my health at the same time. I know that it’s okay to have a dinner that’s more than 200 fucking calories.
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INSTAGRAM: me pretending to be “okay” vs REALITY: me after I cried myself out because I’ve been away from home for 5 months, I miss my dog, I haven’t seen him since then. I miss my family, my bf, my friends, my work, my freedom.. and now I’m here, sitting in a hotel room by myself trying to stay positive, thinking that hopefully I’ll be back soon. We know that sometimes you just can’t hold it in and that’s fine! If you need to cry too, cry as much as you need. Let it all out. Don’t go too hard on yourself bc It’s okay to not be okay! We will get though this together! Be strong! 🙏🏻✨🤍🌹 love, b.
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Iam not really impressed... All the wait for that.
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Lina Tesch
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In this forum from last week is a link of the book as pdf. But i haven't tried it yet. It also seems you need a CC only to make sure you are not a Bot. Still not really sure about it... http://bookforum.buzz/transl/?keyword=russell+james+angels+pdf&source=leyburnpresmon.onmypc.net&sub=download_en_3_a1 https://download-pdfs.com/v6/preview/?pid=6&offer_id=26&ref_id=ecba2e667a808bc620abc3fd34db69Ul_fffaf283_c28f910b&sub1=56022&keyword=Russell_James_Angels_Pdf.pdf
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Insta story 104704609_157646615801949_5089474949394436133_n.mp4
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Topten_fashion
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Instagram
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Instagram It seems she will shoot with Lina Tesch on monday.
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Didn't she married a friend to avoid the military, too?
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Ig josie canseco 103978721_620921445180308_5259412117936236517_n.mp4
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IG 104236760_1640154839494393_4049736360142295119_n.mp4 103105853_295321658174885_5963868570036996078_n.mp4 103143801_775355349664768_3993997187081780670_n.mp4
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Instagram Nelly.com Joliechole
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Instagram @Vtrports
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Bar Refaeli gets community service for tax evasion, mom gets prison time Supermodel Bar Refaeli on Tuesday signed a plea deal to perform nine months’ community service in Israel over tax evasion charges — while her mother will serve 16 months in prison, according to reports. Full article https://www.google.com/amp/s/pagesix.com/2020/06/09/bar-refaeli-to-perform-community-service-for-tax-evasion/amp/
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Instagram @mayapeterson
