there, there
but sweety, really ... don't you think you put to much presure on yourself? "i force myself to eat" ; "I think i'm fat". I think your in conflict w/ yourself & maybe you should see somebody for help, it's great you say you want to get better but you can't just get better on your own. An ED marks you forever & you never get it out of your head. ( & your only 17? tho i though you where older but anyway ... )
I hope you won't understand me wrong now but most of the individuals that live w/ an ED, well it will fallow them as long as they live but it's always a choice, i know that myself.
i hope you will get to fallow your dream, no matter where that takes you.
take care