Frederick

Congratulations on your Fantasy team name, Fred. Absolutely sensational!

Thanks, would love to say its one of my own making but t'isn't. Nothing but admiration for the chap who put this together.

Pulis' sudden, improbable rise in stock presumably took his special brand of madness into DEFCON 1 territory. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the fall out came from him ordering the training cones to wear baseball caps and glasses or insisting that the youth team be renamed Pulis Academy. 

Any of our footballing lads and lasses up for a spot of Fantasy this year?

 

Classic: 367240-133915 (renewed so that players from last season are automatically entered upon registering)

Head-to-head: 367240-206052

 

First deadline is 16 August (11:30 GMT) and as per usual, free transfers are unlimited until then. All welcome!

Join us! Its a top, top league with top, top players! 

No doubt Liverpool fans will be crestfallen that Aly Cissokho has ended up at Villa! Gauntlet, taken!

An intriguing gamble from Sunderland, an absolute no brainer for the player. I suppose Gus' frustration at being shunned by a few cowboy agents has forced his hand to an extent though I can't even trot out the usual "if he stays fit and gets the playing time he needs then he's a helluva player" line because quite honestly I can't remember much about JR. 

Hey JV, how about we sort out that ERA and then hit the town? 

 

“The day Olof Mellberg decided to quit the national team it was a great loss to Swedish football and the team. But to me personally it was an even greater loss. When I had him on the team I never had to look back because I knew he was behind me and I could concentrate on what was going on up ahead.

Olof was the person that trigged and challenged me. This drove me to want to do more on the pitch.

Olof had a winner mentality like no other. He simply refused to lose, not only in football but in practically everything. And when he did lose, which rarely happened, he refused to admit it. I think this mentality was what took him a long way in his carreer.

I’ve been doubly lucky when it comes to Olof. Firstly because I got to play with him, and secondly because I got know the person Olof Mellberg, not only the player.

If Olof in my opinion is the best Swedish defender of all times, I think the person Olof is even better.

It is sad that Olof now chooses to end his career because I’m sure he has much more to give.

I wish Olof Mellberg and his family all happiness and love in the future.

Thank you my friend.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic”

Now hurry up and get those coaching badges so you can get us promoted next season! 

Seems Sunderland are scavenging through the bins outside Lidl while Villa are down at the pawn shop desperately negotiating a sale on their collection of damp covered paperbacks. 

Queen of all.

No takeover and Joe Cole's already injured. At least Roy Keane hasn't beaten Matt Lowton up (yet). Feels downright absurd seeing Hutton and N'Zogbia back in the sacred colours, never mind the Artist Formerly Known As Darren Bent. Doomed, but at least intriguingly so.

Good to see Liverpool going all out to finish 8th this season by replacing their whole team with Southampton's. At this point, buying the whole club for £175 million would probably be the cheaper option.

Or just buy the entire Dortmund team, apparently they're all up for sale according to Twitter sensation Des Perate-Journo.

So, Mario, about that whole "I wish you nothing but ill for the rest of your career" thing, you knew that was just a joke, right? Just banter between us lads, yeah? Good. Great, let's be friends again. Its actually your round but I'll get this one. What's that? Yeah, I am excited about the Kieran Richardson signing, thanks for asking. 

Luis, mi amigo, I hope you'll be seeing Begin Again. I thought it was pretty gosh darn delightful, not to mention chock full of Keira loveliness! 

Scenarios where Ron Vlaar as first penalty taker is justifiable

1) Everyone else on the team has been officially declared dead

2) A new law is introduced so that missed penalties now count as two converted penalties

3) The rest of the team consists of ten clones of Nathan Baker

MATS THE WAY, UH HUH, UH HUH, I LIKE IT, UH HUH, UH HUH

Well, somebody has to rearrange the deckchairs on the Aston Villa Titanic!

Am I wrong if I describe her as an underrated beauty? I don't like her style at all. But she's gorgeous.

I can't speak much to her day to day or red carpet style (though judging by what I see above, I'd say its very hit and miss) but I only watched That Awkward Moment yesterday and was struck by the continual mishandling of Pootsy's hair, make-up and wardrobe. They were clearly trying to portray the character as a quietly chic but ultimately unpretentious, vaguely 'earthy' type of girl, which is all well and good in theory but frankly she just looked tired and dishevelled. Also I wanted to shave Zac Efron's face during every scene he had in an assuredly non-erotic way but that's a different story altogether!

Got a Girl - "Did We Live Too Fast" (Official Video)

 

Looks like in the list of actresses with musical side projects Mary sits in upper tier with Zooey Deschanel and er...help me out here? Inessential, sure, but the voice is sultry and the production is a warming hybrid of White Town and Shirley Bassey. That's no bad shakes with me.

Fit enough to stand and hold a shirt simultaneously at least. Welcome, Old King 'Mighty Joe' Cole!

Takeover no where in sight but Big Phil Senderos doesn't care! 

Always baffled by the "I didn't expect her to be so nice" schtick that plays out in every Keira related article. How many consecutive years of unpretentious loveliness does she have to convey before this nonsense ends?

Exceptional lady.

"We've come to know it as the Magic Bullet Header Theory. This single-bullet header explanation is the foundation of the Bayern Commission's claim of a lone linesman. Once you conclude the magic header could not cross the line, you'd have to conclude that there was another flag and a second linesman. And if there was a second linesman, then by definition, there had to be a conspiracy." - Jim Garrison

As tiresome as Timmy's unfounded arrogance and 'proper football man' shtick could be, his record in the Premier League was ultimately pretty decent. Still, he presumably knew the score when he took over and will almost certainly walk into another job as a result of being gifted that initial chance. Such a shame for the hack pack that Stuart Pearce is taking charge at the City Ground next year, they'd have loved the sound of 'Sherwood Forest'.

Sherwood certainly crossed the line into self-parody a fair few times but its obvious Levy spends most of his time staring at his own reflection, smugly reminiscing about the times he's 'outwitted' Real Madrid instead of running a football club with any tangible sense of coherence.

Taxi for the Sherwiff of Borehamwood. 

Congratulations to Ed, our resident J.D. Salinger, who comfortably lead the field from beginning to end. 

And congratulations to Michael for winning the Head to Head version of proceedings. King Kev

himself would be proud at the way my title bid so hilariously collapsed!