Real-life half-wits award!

[Guest quasicartes]

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his

intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach,

California, would be robber James Elliot did something

that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the

barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it

worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerlandlost a finger in

a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping

around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.

The company expecting negligence sent out one of its

men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine

and lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a

space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago

returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken

the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a

Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental

patients he was supposed to be transporting from

Harareto Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit

his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop

and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He

then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,

telling the staff that the patients were very

excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The

deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering

from serious head wounds received from an oncoming

train. When asked how he received the injuries, the

lad told police that he was simply trying to see how

close he could get his head to a moving train before

he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20

bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the

clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and

asked for all the cash in the register, which the

clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from

the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the

counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

drawer...$15. If someone points a gun at you and gives

you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty

badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block

through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and

run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over

his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back

and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him

unconscious. The liquor store window was made of

Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience

store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk

called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give

them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within

minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put

him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief

was then taken out of the car and told to stand there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,

that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man

walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5

a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk

turned him down because he said he couldn't open the

cash register without a food order. When the man

ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't

available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked

away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a

motor home parked on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained

for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick

man curled up next to a motor home near spilled

sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted

to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon

hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The

owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying

that it was the best laugh he'd had in years.

[Guest quasicartes]

Idiot #1: I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.

Idiot #2: Seems that a year ago some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Idiot #3: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Idiot #4: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted "Nobody move!" When his partner moved the startled first bandit shot him.

Idiot #5: Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Idiot #6: Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man frustrated walked away.

Idiot #7: From San Francisco: A man wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line waiting to give his note to the teller he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.After waiting a few minutes in line he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated the man said "OK" and left.He was arrested few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Idiot #8: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.

[zoltar]

Idiot #8: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[one man band]

These guys give you Americans a bad name.

[Hiro]

[Guest quasicartes]

These guys give you Americans a bad name. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

They said the British version's of Jackass (I think they have a different title for the show) is more depraved than the American ones.

[one man band]

Its a Welsh show called Dirty Sanchez, and it is disgusting. The stupid welsh accents make me laugh though.

[Guest quasicartes]

Its a Welsh show called Dirty Sanchez, and it is disgusting. The stupid welsh accents make me laugh though.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh, yes! Thanks for reminding me!

Worshipper pa told me that Dirty Sanchez is worse than Jackass, but the Finnish version, Duudsonnit (or however you spell it), is much, much worse. And I actually believe that worshipper pa's acts of "worship" is storngly influenced from that show.

[one man band]

One time on Dirty Sanchez some idiot staped (yes, stapled) his ear to a snooker pocket. They then repeated the stunt, but with his BALL SACK instead of his ear.

WHY???

[Guest quasicartes]

One time on Dirty Sanchez some idiot staped (yes, stapled) his ear to a snooker pocket. They then repeated the stunt, but with his BALL SACK instead of his ear.

WHY???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why? Because Ines Sastre is so beautiful! :laugh:

Steve-O had stapled his privates before! Was he copying them or are they copying him?

Plus, one of the Jackass gang had shot a Taser at his privates before. Has this been done in Dirty Sanchez?

[one man band]

Both have been done on Dirty Sanchez. Another one i remember is one of them head butting a table covered in pins. He subsequently went to hospital to get them all (like 50 of them) removed.

[Guest quasicartes]

Both have been done on Dirty Sanchez. Another one i remember is one of them head butting a table covered in pins. He subsequently went to hospital to get them all (like 50 of them) removed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have they masturbated, using Tabasco as lubricants?

[one man band]

Not to my knowledge. Wouldn't put it past them though. That sounds needlessly painful.

[the mascot]

theres also a show like that on comedy central, not quite as extreme as that, called "Trigger Happy TV". basically, they do stupid stuff to pedestrians and passerby. i like it a lot

[one man band]

They have Trigger Happy TV in the UK. Was very funny. I think the main guy is Dom Joly. He's insane.

[Guest quasicartes]

MORE...

Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer,and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cigars and Insurance. A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and won.

In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," thejudge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

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[Guest quasicartes]

Stupidest Robber Ever!

Unbelievably dumb.

film_0005_133.wmv

film_0005_133.wmv

[Avenger]

[Guest quasicartes]

Stupidest F1 racer.

Insultingly stupid.

http://www.muchosucko.com/video-f1racersareclever.html

[Avenger]

Poor guy!

btw this is not F1. Rather F3000.