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Isabeli Fontana


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  • 3 weeks later...
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IN CONVERSATION WITH ISABELI FONTANA

photography JUANKR
styling CATERINA OSPINA
makeup IVAN GOMEZ
hair FERNANDO TORRENT
set design ISABEL ADELL

 

You began your modelling career at just 13 and moved to Milan at 14. How did these early experiences shape your perspective on the fashion industry?  

Well, I was a kid like anybody else. I was attending school, I couldn't even speak English. I just turned 13 when I entered a contest in 1996, and I had no idea what was ahead of me. Actually, it was crazy how fast everything started. I arrived in New York on my own at 15, I was a young girl but I was also a total tomboy. And I think the tomboy-ness helped me reach a certain level of my career, and it still does to this day. 

Oh wow, New York at 15..how was that? 

I was doing everything, all different types of things. It was a little bit shocking because everything was happening so fast but I guess my agents were just really good at proposing me for all types of jobs, even though I didn't know how it would go. And then it actually went amazing. I started doing shows in February 1999 and I did every single show I could get, even the androgynous shows.

I had a beautiful article written about me by American Vogue being the youngest ugly duck. I couldn't even give the interview in English, so they had to translate whatever I was saying about how I actually felt like the ugly duck and like I didn't belong. And actually, me being in this weird position of not seeing myself as beautiful as the other girls, helped my career and to establish a name for myself. I didn't know anything, and I think that's why people in the fashion industry appreciated me more because I wasn't even aware of my potential just yet.

I think the most important question is: Did you enjoy it?

Every single bit! But I think also because my mom was with me a lot of the time.

Speaking of fun things, your appearance in a Victoria’s Secret catalog at 16 sparked controversy due to their policy on underage models.

It was very sexy. I was just wearing my bra and panties, and then all of a sudden I started to become this big name. And yes, it was early in my life. I felt like, “Oh my God, this is it!” I was doing all this modelling, and things were really working out for me, and I was just very glad and grateful because I could finally make money. I couldn't buy my own apartment because I was underage, but I decided to save all my money until I was 18 and then buy my apartment in New York. I was so excited about it, because everything I learned from my parents was connected to the fact that I needed to make money to make my own living because they couldn't support me at all. And so, I think that the instability of my personal life pushed me through because I wanted to make my own living. I only had one chance and I gave my all.

But at the same time there was a big pushback when women who would buy Victoria's Secret found out I was 16. I was underage in the US and for everyone it was a big shock. 

I remember that women were actually writing to Victoria's Secret asking how they could ever buy lingerie from a teenage model. I didn't look 16, and this career is all about looks, but it felt very controversial to buy lingerie from a 16-year-old girl.

I can imagine Victoria’s Secret image struggled a bit from this but did this pushback impact your job as well? 

From my point of view, my career was hot at that moment and everybody wanted me, so I was living the best life. I knew I started really young and it was crazy, but I just decided to enjoy it. I don’t think it was the best press for the brand but it seemed to really work out in my favour. 

 

If you could do it all over again, would you like to start your career at such an early age again, or do you think you’d wait until you’re older, so you can have a more “normal” childhood?

What is normal? Do you consider yourself normal? 

Absolutely not!

Exactly! I was anything but normal. But I think no one ever considers themselves normal. What happened to me was the best thing that could’ve ever happened and I wouldn't change it a bit. But if I could give advice to a kid starting a modelling career, I would definitely tell them to wait. I mean now you can’t even start before 16. I broke something there and people started to realise that you can't start at such an early age. I think I made history in fashion thanks to that and I'm very happy about it. I was really young but I was definitely ready, and I think everything happens for a purpose. And maybe that was my purpose—to change around something in the business.

 

I made the calculation myself, and if I’m not wrong it’s been nearly three decades that you've been in the industry. From Chanel to Versace, you’ve done a ton of campaigns, you’ve walked the shows, you’ve done the entire thing. Do you have any moments that you hold really close to your heart that you will always remember? 

There are many moments, I mean a lot has happened in 30 years. And it also sounds crazy because I never knew my career was going to last this long. I started very young but I still feel like I'm young. When I look back and realise that I had my kids through this and I basically grew up in the business, it’s insane.

I think the highest point of my career was when I opened the Chanel show. I have a lot of special moments with Karl Lagerfeld. He liked me a lot, so I did his campaign for Chanel. I remember when I opened the Versace show, I was going crazy in my head saying, “Oh, my God. Did I make history here? Is this going to last?” I was questioning myself all the time. The modelling career is short, so I just wanted to do the best that I could to mark the moment but everything was going so well and I was really happy. Louis Vuitton, Marc Jacobs, and also the Pirelli calendar. I was the only girl until now that has done it eight times. I loved the edition with Peter Beard. We shot it in Botswana with the elephants and for me, that was something truly unique and special. 

I feel like I could go on forever because every single work that I've done was always something really special to be doing. And to work with people like Mario Testino, Mario Sorrenti, David Sims, Steven Klein or Steven Meisel, it will always be iconic.

I feel like we should have one feature just dedicated to this because as you’ve said yourself, the modelling career is usually quite short. Why do you think yours has lasted this long, what did you do differently? 

The fashion business is crazy. You have to go through this process of rebirth all the time and you don’t even know if you get to last till the next season. I was always making myself to be what the client wanted me to be. I could transform myself and be reborn every time because every work would be different. I wouldn't walk for Versace as I walked for Gucci, and I wouldn't walk for Balenciaga as I walked for Versace. 

By the way, Balenciaga was a hit moment in my life, too! I worked with Nicolas Ghesquière, who’s now at Louis Vuitton, and Marie-Amelie Sauvé. Marie-Amelie always liked a very androgynous girl, and she always looked at me like I was only sexy. I was doing so much Versace and Victoria's Secret that everybody in the fashion industry thought I could only be sexy. But in the end, I proved that I could be more androgynous.

That's what I love about fashion. I can push myself forward and make people believe that I can be all these different women. And I'm still here because I just love art. And I love the people I work with because they're all artistic, and it's so much fun to work with art.

I am going to circle back a little bit. You've mentioned a bunch of times you grew up being quite a tomboy. You are a beauty icon, we’re not going to be questioning that. But I wonder how it was for you to really own up to that tomboyishness of yours and really transform it into something that people see as beauty? I think there is beauty in everything, but a lot of people tend to resort to that traditional idea of what beauty means.

I think many people perceive beauty incorrectly. They often come with the mindset of “I need to be the most beautiful I can” thinking it’s all about face beauty, which is completely wrong. Nobody really cares about your appearance, nobody is going to say that you’re lucky because you have blue eyes. It’s wrong because that’s not what moves the fashion industry.

It's about being unique, and seeing beauty in how you express yourself in still photos, how you bring out the originality and the wildness and really just give in. It’s raw and real, and I think that's what beauty is all about.

Many times I felt horrible and weird and out of place, and I needed to find the balance inside of me to keep on, because I thought I wasn’t enough. It can destroy your soul. You really have to be aware of this and keep track of your health, and know what you want to show. Especially when you're still a teenager and you’re learning how to live and want to be approved by others. You have to be finding your balance all the time, which is intense.

I wanted to just please everybody, but there is a fine line of feeling good about yourself and being full-on depressed. In my mind I had to keep on achieving and convincing people that I was the girl they were trying to find. I had to take a step back many times and ask myself what I was doing because it’s just not possible to please everybody. So many times I just felt so cold and apologetic, I cried in the bathroom over not finding the personality in me that other people wanted to see. I often felt like I was hitting the wall. And many times I had to pray to get through this. I think my spirituality was giving me strength to keep on doing this job. It truly helped me to find balance and let go when I felt like shit because I wasn’t looking my best or I felt like my body wasn’t right or people were judging me, or I was judging myself. 

This really resonates. And not only with me but I think with so many people. I'm always going in my head going “Oh, my God, I should have said this, I should have said that”… and it’s actually insane but I think it’s just that will to please people.

I know, right? And you get into this loop but you can't change anything and you feel so bad and depressed. When I look back, I was judging myself too hard. All that “I should have done this”, or “maybe I should have said something like this to this client, not that.” I was going completely mad. And you just can’t change the fucking past. You gotta look forward and try to have the best time possible, and ask yourself how you can make today better. I think learning this mindset has really helped me to build strength and courage and who I am today.

You mentioned a lot about finding your balance, you mentioned spirituality, but I also know that you're very passionate about health, food and beauty, and yoga. Are these aspects of your life something that helps you find your balance or how that works for you?

I think yoga saved me in many ways. There have been days when I felt very unbalanced. I would wake up and I would feel weird and depressed. I'd feel so out of this place and like I don’t have any purpose. But when I take a moment and breathe and stretch, and I'm really with myself in the present moment, it brings me a lot of relief and clarity.

I started doing yoga when I was 17, so you’d think I’m a pro by now but no. There was a point when I stopped because I thought it was just not for me. I was very impatient and I thought it was too boring. But then I realised that I was actually feeling better when I focused, when I breathed, when I stretched, when I was there at this present moment. I saw amazing things happening to me, and then I started meditating, too. I started being more here right now because before I was letting these crazy almost hallucinations into my head. I was completely unstable and anxious and I couldn't be in the present moment. Yoga really put me on the right track of my life because it taught me presence, and there's no pain or worry in presence because you're just at peace with yourself.

I think it’s so interesting to hear because when we talk about people like you, who are in public eye, we often forget that you have struggles too, and that you live your life just like literally anybody else. To hear you speak about things like self-esteem or struggling to find your purpose, I think it’s very confronting and relatable. Because even if you're on top of the world, you’re not excluded from this very human experience.

In the end, we realise that we're all on the same boat. We never think we have enough money, enough love or enough care. And that comes from within us. Everybody has this inner child that's crazy, and desperate for love and attention. We have to realise that we all have that, and learn how to heal this inner child. It's nice when somebody can teach you how to love yourself. That's what my husband's been doing all these years that we're together. He helped me raise my kids, though he’s not the biological father, he’s been helping me to overcome this unquietness of my soul with self-respect and self-love, and showing me that the path can be easy as well. 

Everybody has their doubts. It's not easy because we tend to overthink small details and make something huge out of them but we have to learn how to accept and love ourselves. Life is just a flash. I'm already 41 and I'm looking at myself like, “Oh my God, I’ve been growing this business for 30 years. What am I getting out of this life? What's my goal right now?” And it’s also okay to sometimes lose it, it’s normal. One of my kids came to me and said, “You have to stop investing in me because I'm not worth it, I can't learn. I'm this, I'm that.” So I really had to sit him down and explain to him that it’s all good and that he needs to learn how to be more generous to himself. 

Sometimes when I feel like my son, I put on Joe Dispenza’s meditations to hear another voice and somebody that can teach you how to get out of this mindset and how to build whatever life you want to live. And I think that's the most important thing, to have a goal. Sometimes that goal may be perfect for our path and sometimes it might take us in a different direction, but it’s all exactly right.

Well, this all ties kind of perfectly to my last question: you are featured in our issue named Aurora, which is the first light of a new day, and connects to the idea of new beginnings. We’ve talked about rebirth, about searching for yourself and taking care of yourself. I wonder what new beginnings mean to you?

I think after all we’ve talked about it only makes sense when I say that new beginnings are very hard. To take a chance and step into the unknown is absolutely frightening but at the same time, they are so very important for your growth. By stepping out, you break a habit. You expand and go through all these different experiences, and that's the most amazing thing I've been learning throughout my whole life.

I had to restart all the time, and I never knew what was going to happen. I was outside of my comfort zone but you know what? I think I’m getting good at it. Once you do this process a bunch of times, you just need somebody that takes your hand and goes with you. Someone who says: “We're ready for new stuff! Let’s go together!” 

This is how all my new beginnings with my agent Alejandro went. I remember I felt miserable and ugly, like my time was already gone, and he just looked at me and said, “You are still one of the most beautiful girls I’ve seen.” He saw not only my face or my body but he saw my energy. He gave me this light again, and he grabbed my hand and said, “I think we're able to restart.” I trusted him, and here we are doing this beautiful magazine. I’ve come to be very excited about my new beginnings. Life for me these days is all about more pleasure, less pain, all in balance. 

 

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