You have 2 cows...

[schadenfreude]

World Ideologies as explained by reference to cows

FEUDALISM

You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM

You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with

everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government

gives you a glass of milk.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM

Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers, You have to take care of the

chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives

you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of

them. and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM

You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about

who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need".

Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of

starvation.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes

all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the

black market.

PERESTROIKA

You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all

the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"

market.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM

You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP

You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY

You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets

the milk.

BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them

and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it

takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.

Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM

You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,

because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

PURE ANARCHY

You have two cows, Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your

neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

ANARCHO-CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica

lessons.

OLYMPICS-ISM

You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling

violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the

moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a

suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the

Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its

parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition,

severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a

multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led

out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one

ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at

its Beijing restaurant.

[Monkey]

[Taben]

(Y)

[sanja]