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Help Please, Advice, Insight and Suggestions Needed.


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#1 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 14 January 2010 - 05:50 PM

Well I just broke up with my man on sunday, basically come september this year he is going off to university thats 4 hours away from our city whilst I chose to stay where we are currently due to financial situations, and in the UK, universities are 3 years and was wondering has anyone ever gotten back with an ex after such a long period?

I wish I hadn't broken up with him but he made it clear long distance wasn't an option (though he did say before that it could) anyways any tips on how to get an ex bf back even though hes said 'we're over for good'? <----this was said after i broke up with him, a mutual friend told me this.

I feel so upset, down and depressed, he was my first serious relationship and I was with him for almost 15 months :( and I just want him back...

any suggestions, advice or insight, esspecially from guys would be much appreciated :Flower:

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#2 azgirl

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Posted 14 January 2010 - 06:30 PM

Why break up? I understand long distance is hard.. and college is even harder for the faithful factor. Have you thought of the freindship option? It could be hurtful with the possiblity of experimenting with other women or vice versa but it could be less extreme and painful now. Long distance friendships seem to last better than relationships. If you do not want this to be over for good.. that maybe the option. But I would not bet for a serious relationship to go well with lifestyle that is lived in college by most people.

I would love to tell all with work out in the end if it is meant but really .. long distance relationships are really hard on people.. but it could make awesome best friends since you can tell each other about everything that is going on better when you are communicating with phone, e-mail texting and like communication. I find it interesting that even a lot of couples that live together communicate better when long distance. I have seen people become better friends this way.

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#3 rockTheSky

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Posted 18 January 2010 - 01:35 PM

Wait, why did you break up now if he is off to uni in September?
You should probably give it a month or two before sitting him down and seeing how he feels. Naturally, he too will reflect on the relationship and his decision. Then after some time, see if the feeling is mutual and take it from there.
I live 4 hours away from my parent's new house when I'm at university, and I only go back in the holidays because they can't always drive out to pick me up and the train faire would be in excess of £60 each time. A lot of my friends who were in relationships before they went to university now aren't. They did decide to continue with them whilst at uni, but the problem is that at uni, you want to experience it properly, not always be worring about some outside presence or someone who isn't there. What I mean is, so much goes on and its a busy social and work life, and if you're always leaving it or feeling like you should be leaving it elsewhere it puts a strain on both worlds. I'm not saying your relationship won't last. People do find a way to get over the distance thing. However, if you're used to seeing each other every day or even most days a week and suddenly he is gone for weeks on end, I think that's why most people's relationships seem to end. You just grow apart, despite keeping in touch over the phone and via IM and emails. As AZ girl said, you can still remain close friends.

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#4 Qball

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Posted 21 January 2010 - 11:09 AM

Don't call him, don't beg him, basically - don't be desperate. If he changes his mind, he'll let you know first.

Long-distance relationships aren't impossible, I think... Besides, a 4-hour distance doesn't sound that bad, really. You could see each other at weekends, right? I don't know... It's so hard to give ANY advice on relationships because there are so many factors... Basically, though I know it's a cliche, if it's not gonna work out, it's not gonna work out. Give yourselves a little time to think it over. Don't get desperate, your break-up is still a fresh thing, after all.

Best wishes,
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#5 TooBoku

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Posted 28 January 2010 - 09:13 PM

^ What he said.

Guy rule #17: Don't stick it in the crazy. If you call him, talk about him, or go the slightest bit out of your way for him without him initiating contact, he just might classify you as crazy... if he comes crawling back, begging on his knees, he's crazy. Don't take him back unless he proves that he's not. The big thing however is not to get hung up over it. Call your girlfriends up, go out, have a sleep over, repeat. He obviously already made his decision. It's a crappy thing to say and it might not all be true but he's already thinking about being with other girls at school. If he's not actively thinking about it, it's at the back of his mind. I would seriously doubt his sexuality if he wasn't.

Why now and not later?

Off the top of my head, he doesn't want to be on the rebound when he gets back into hunting mode in September. This is the last push for grades before Uni starts. He just doesn't see the point in dragging it on if he knows it's gonna end anyway. :(

But cheer up. You're still young. Boys at this age are a dime a dozen.

#6 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 11:48 AM

Thanks everyone for your helpful advice :Flower:

About 2 weeks ago after work I recieved 2 text messages, a missed call and answer phone message all in the space of 15/20 minutes begging me to call him etc so I did and he wanted me to give things another try etc and we have now been back together for the past 2 weeks after me having broke up with him for a month after a year and 3 months being together.

We have talked and worked things through and I took him back only under my conditions and everythings going perfect :D

I think the NO CONTACT RULE really and truly works lol :p

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#7 rockTheSky

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Posted 12 February 2010 - 03:00 PM

^ that's awesome... and... I never knew ANA BB smoked. she looks hot in ur AV.

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#8 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 13 February 2010 - 04:59 PM

^^ Thanks :) yeah unfortunately shes a smoker like alot of models :/ shes aged alot in my opinion in just afew years, probably due to the smoking :( so sad...

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#9 JoeKnight

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 12:33 AM

Sorry i didn't find this sooner to give advice and support as well, but never the less I'm soo happy for you AnaBBFan. Here's wishing you the best of luck and happiness :Flower:

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#10 rockTheSky

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 05:25 AM

Sorry i didn't find this sooner to give advice and support as well

lol, why are you apologising for not finding a forum thread and offering advice in it? It's not like nobody gave advice.

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#11 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 05:33 AM

Sorry i didn't find this sooner to give advice and support as well, but never the less I'm soo happy for you AnaBBFan. Here's wishing you the best of luck and happiness :Flower:


Awww thanks Joe that means alot :Flower: Its no biggie, when you need advice I'm here ;)

Sorry i didn't find this sooner to give advice and support as well

lol, why are you apologising for not finding a forum thread and offering advice in it? It's not like nobody gave advice.


Dude hes just being nice ;)

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#12 rockTheSky

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 05:39 AM

Dude hes just being nice ;)

No, no... I know that, and I wasn't trying to be at all hostile, but it kinda reads like replying to a thread you haven't before replied to just for the sake of apologising for not adding input. Like it just seemed totally odd to me.
Let me put it this way: the way he apologised like that just seemed like he was apologising for not showing up here after being required or expected to show up and offer support. And that wasn't the case. That is all.
: )

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#13 JoeKnight

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Posted 14 February 2010 - 09:15 AM

I just like offering people help. :hehe:

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#14 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 04 May 2011 - 02:40 AM

Update:

I'm no longer with him and we broke up yet again. I starting seeing someone else who I've been with about a year now and the ex tried to get back together again many times but I cut ties with him completely and have kicked him out of my life for good :) now I'm in the best relationship and really happy with him :heart:

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#15 Rogue

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Posted 11 May 2011 - 09:01 PM

Update:

I'm no longer with him and we broke up yet again. I starting seeing someone else who I've been with about a year now and the ex tried to get back together again many times but I cut ties with him completely and have kicked him out of my life for good :) now I'm in the best relationship and really happy with him :heart:

i love happy endings :) congrats.



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#16 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 20 May 2011 - 07:10 AM

Update:

I'm no longer with him and we broke up yet again. I starting seeing someone else who I've been with about a year now and the ex tried to get back together again many times but I cut ties with him completely and have kicked him out of my life for good :) now I'm in the best relationship and really happy with him :heart:

i love happy endings :) congrats.


Thanks Rogue and everyone who gave me some great advice and insight :Flower:

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#17 Aranka

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Posted 06 June 2011 - 08:09 AM

Update:

I'm no longer with him and we broke up yet again. I starting seeing someone else who I've been with about a year now and the ex tried to get back together again many times but I cut ties with him completely and have kicked him out of my life for good :) now I'm in the best relationship and really happy with him :heart:

i love happy endings :) congrats.


Thanks Rogue and everyone who gave me some great advice and insight :Flower:


Though I'm still an uppity cunt I also want to congratulate you on finding a new love, without all the hassle of a long relationship and on/off relationships.
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#18 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 27 July 2011 - 03:16 AM

Thank you Aranka :Flower: no to be honest I agree, all that on/off stuff is rubbish, just delaying the inevitable I guess and when someone breaks up with you I believe in holding your head up high and not begging or chasing after them, things will be they way they were meant to be in the end.
I think you miss out on great things if you're off chasing after something/someone that doesn't want you instead of being open to all the new possibilities that are kicking down your front door :D

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#19 Ana Beatriz Barros Fan

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Posted 27 July 2011 - 03:16 AM

* woops double post

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