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The Jokes Thread

775 posts in this topic

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.

The Pope proceeds to hop on Route 95 and starts accelerating to see what the limo could go. Well, he gets to about 90 miles per hour and,WHAM! There are the blue lights of our friendly State Police in his mirror.

He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. Well, the trooper, seeing who it was, says "just a moment please I need to call in."

The trooper radio's in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief "I've got a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."

The chief replies "Who is it, not Ted again ?"

The trooper says, "No, even more important."

The chief replies, "It's the Governor, isn't it ?"

The trooper replies "No, even more important."

"It isn't the President is it?"

"No, more important," replies the trooper.

"Well, WHO the HECK is it!", screams the chief.

"I don't know" says the trooper. "But he's got the Pope as a chauffeur!"

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A primary school teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound.

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A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.

A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank you

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A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks which the young man wants.

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Neo was stranded on a desert island with Adriana Lima. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.

Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other

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A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

1. "Ten pounds," he replies.

"We

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Ok....I'm going to give this a crack...

So there are these two guys who want to get blessed by the Pope. So they travel to the Vatican and knock on the door. A priest opens the door and tells them that the Pope is busy and can't do any blessings today. After hearing this, one of the guys gets an idea.

"Why don't we show our devotion to the Pope by camping out on his front porch!"he says.

"Great idea!" his friend replies.

So they go to the market to get some food and a little hibachi grill to cook it on.

Next morning rolls around and the guys are up cooking breakfast.

Suddenly the doors to the Vatican open up, and, in a burst of panic, one of the guys dives into some nearby bushe while the other guy just sits there in awe. As the Pope is walking out he sees the one cooking breakfast and goes up to him, makes the sign of the cross, and walks away to join the rest of his entourage.

After a few minutes, the guy in the bushes gets enough courage to come out and go to his friend. As he gets there he looks to his friend and says, "Dude! You just got blessed by the Pope!"

His friend shakes his head and replies, "Nope. He actually said I want you, your little Hibachi grill, and that guy over there in the bushes, to get the hell off my front porch!"

For those of you not laughing right away, just imagine the Pope doing the sign of the cross while saying those last things in order. It's a great joke to tell your friends! :ninja:

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A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

1. "Ten pounds," he replies.

"We

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Neo was stranded on a desert island with Adriana Lima. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.

Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other

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edit my joke, meismeifjeimdjeusdgdga <_< :mad: :angry:

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says,

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wha? i didn't edit your post. i think it mayve been lost in the transfer. :trout:

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no it was isnt lost, the one i posted with adriana in the story has been edited twwice, once by me and once by some other unknown :ninja:

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