39 replies to this topic

[red_ed]

Pffft, everything is somehow incorporated into evolutionary theory, whether the reasoning is dodgy or not. Sometimes I don't know whether to trust science or not

David Buss? Sounds familiar...

[horaz]

What do you mean?

[bluestars87]

red_ed, on Aug 20 2007, 04:31 AM, said:

No one understands what goes through a stalker's head...I can't imagine being that infatuated with someone

I think they obviously wanna tap that shit.  

[red_ed]

horaz, on Aug 20 2007, 02:42 PM, said:

What do you mean?

Stalking as an evolutionarily adaptive process? I find it hard to believe that's all

bluestars87, on Aug 20 2007, 09:22 PM, said:

red_ed, on Aug 20 2007, 04:31 AM, said:

No one understands what goes through a stalker's head...I can't imagine being that infatuated with someone

I think they obviously wanna tap that shit.  

scary

[horaz]

Well, the biological sense of life is reproduction. There are different strategies to achieve this. But once the relationship is over (and the man realizes that!), he tries to get the woman back. This ends (not always ) in stalking. Stalking has some adversely affects on the victim.
For Example:

1. It's dangerous for her if she meets other men.
2. It's dangerous for other men to meet her.

This must not be, but most people fear a grudging ex-boyfriend.

3. The Victim has worse sex or none (if you read his book, you'll know that it is all about sex).
4. The Victim is isolating herself and has no contact.

15% of all Victims agree to meet her stalker and 6% sleep with him.

[Sheyda]

^ Neither me nor my mother dated any of the people who stalked us. Many we knew as acquaintances or even friends that suddenly turned weird.

[red_ed]

horaz, on Aug 21 2007, 09:15 AM, said:

Well, the biological sense of life is reproduction. There are different strategies to achieve this. But once the relationship is over (and the man realizes that!), he tries to get the woman back. This ends (not always ) in stalking. Stalking has some adversely affects on the victim.
For Example:

1. It's dangerous for her if she meets other men.
2. It's dangerous for other men to meet her.

This must not be, but most people fear a grudging ex-boyfriend.

3. The Victim has worse sex or none (if you read his book, you'll know that it is all about sex).
4. The Victim is isolating herself and has no contact.

15% of all Victims agree to meet her stalker and 6% sleep with him.

I highly doubt that stalking is a behaviour learnt through social interaction in a majority of cases and to think there is some kind of innate or biological predisposition to stalk potential partners sounds slightly odd, non? I personally cannot fathom a link between genetics and stalking, but then again, that could just be me Maybe I should read the book before I raise anymore questions

[horaz]

I guess I expressed myself wrong. If stalking was the main idea of getting a partner, everybody would just stalk somebody. But obviously we don't. It is an action done by minority. And we can can be happy about that because of the adversely afects I mentioned above.
All I wanted to say is that stalking is one idea of getting a partner, it's not a very successful way of building rapport. To my mind you must not read the book, because the information I wrote above is mainly the whole stalking chapter. Of couse you may read if you want, but not if you are interested in stalking mainly, though the book itself is still interesting.

[red_ed]

I'm not interested in stalking







or am I?

[benoticed]

stalking is terrible
it leads to paranoia which i have been though. i hope noone ever gets stalked on here     

[Baby]

horaz, on Aug 21 2007, 10:07 AM, said:

Well, the biological sense of life is reproduction. There are different strategies to achieve this. But once the relationship is over (and the man realizes that!), he tries to get the woman back. This ends (not always ) in stalking.

i'm more or less disagree with it. well this is just a personal opinion but stalking is more the reflect of a lack of relationship or affection than something else.

erotomania is often linked with it and people get erotomaniacs because they need to be loved. they want people attention and focus so much on it that they get "paranoiac".
they misunderstand conversations or behavior and think everything is linked to them. they use their victim to quench their needs and their lack of activity. have the feeling they are finally interesting for someone. and that's also why there are so many suicide because of erotomania or just in the end of a relationship. because these people built there whole life on the loved one. the person they love is their only obsession, their only goal because the majority of people are "simple" and haven't the feeling to be useful out of their romantic relationship (or sometimes family). their identity, their future and "immortality" depend of it. if they can't touch and be important for the loved one, they have the feeling they don't exist and get depressive. sometimes suicide is their only way to stay in someone's memory and then get "immortal". if they can't touch the world, they try to touch the loved one. and if they can't touch him despite all their attentions and energy, they traumatize him at the point where they never could be forgotten.
the way to say "i know where you live, i know who you are" is another way to traumatize people. stalk someone and expose it is a way to attract his attention, it's a kind of mental rape. stole your intimacy and impose themselves in your life. then their vision can be wrong or even right, this is always a very brutal and painful act. with an alterate and twisted vision of the lover. they have finally the feeling that they are important. they are alive.

bluestars87, on Aug 14 2007, 05:09 AM, said:

My logic is that you can usually tell if a girl is interested in you as much as you're interested in her. So I mean...yeah. All the more reason to already be a handsome male.

bluestars i'm also disagree with it. as i often say, nothing is totally black and nothing is totally white. we are all grey but it doesn't mean that we are all exactly the same. everything depend of people perception. you can think or be in love with someone who could interest you and this interest shouldn't be share. we all don't share the same way to communicate, decrypt informations. if you're a good psychologist, or just careful, you can fastly "understand" (right or wrong) someone's personality. you test him and watch the result and because of it, you can quickly get intimate with this person because you can feel close to him. you understand the person he is and love him but it doesn't mean this person share the same way to analyse people or is as speed as you and here is the problem. this difference of intimacy can make the loved one uncomfortable because has the feeling to be too much important and he's perceived like a kind of rescuer which is wasn't the vision of himself he tried to share...
or sometimes the person is already in love with someone else and deeply monogamist and even if you could be a potential lover, you won't. it can be frustrating and sometimes you just refuse to accept it and it get a real battle of will than a potential love story. and win doesn't make you attractive and doesn't change violence in love.
or you just must be very patient but it's also hard to accept love as it's really is, i mean, just love. kiss, hugs, sex, attentions, awareness are behavior who surround and touch love, but this is not love. it doesn't mean refuse all those things, just never ask (as proof of love). always respected his intimacy which is can be really hard particularly when you perfectly know the loved one (which is logic if you really love him) and know how to manipulate him without be view.
and if love finally comes, it rarely keep all those promises, turn into a shitty average relationship and can be view like a favor tasting the nauseous flavor of the rotten pity.


video of Bjork's stalker, Ricardo Lopez

[Baby]

well i was looked for thread about stalking/stalkers when i found this old thread where i already replied and well, i just wanna add another part to what i already said.


for example the last week i added a french photographer on facebook. he's something like 50 years old, lives in NY and had often worked for magazines like Elle, Vogue (US, germany, france, etc) and many other fashion magazines more or less famous. i don't really like fashion photography but i always watch it because even to say "i dont like" i must have knowledge about it. and sometimes there are good things.
anyway, at first i saw we shared more or less the same taste about photography so i was "oh yes, cool. someone like me" but after few days this guy spend his time to send me messages, said i'm incredible and very interesting and which i wasn't feel extremely reciprocal. i felt more mature than him, he told me classic boring shitty stuff. not stimulating, empty of passion or without a destroyed, hurting and personal vision of world and who don't give a fuck if he's wrong and he says bullshit. boring anyway, the guy started to read all my old conversations, saw i have another profil on fb and sent me a friend request.
result i felt like this guy had torn my intimacy and didn't respected my limits. i'm someone who hate phone and never use stuff like webcame and rarely chat. i love write and i enjoy to take my time to think and hate to be obligated to reply to someone when he wants and i use fb to communicate with my best friends. i block (limit) 9/10 of people and i've forgotten to limit him... FML! so i've been obligated to lie, say i was super busy, a friend of mine sleep in my home so i have no time to reply (which is only true during the week-ends but it was tuesday...), my computer is broken, my other fb has been closed by someone who reported my profil pic (which is can be absolutely true but who's not, i just blocked him), i limited him on my first fb and i softly suggested my tastes go towards armless shemale midget with 3 legs... i think now he also think i'm a tranny and which make me feel very proud.
anyway, this guy is not a stalker and i don't think he's a bad person but i exactly know what i want and what i need and well, this is not him!
now he has stopped to send me emails and i'm so glad about it.

[CarMELita]

Baby, on Dec 12 2011, 04:21 PM, said:

... i think now he also think i'm a tranny and which make me feel very proud.
anyway, this guy is not a stalker and i don't think he's a bad person but i exactly know what i want and what i need and well, this is not him!
now he has stopped to send me emails and i'm so glad about it.

See, Baby, now I'm about to stalk you again I followed you from the "three things thread" and this is the second topic I visit because I was interested in your posts ... Hope, I'm not already freaking you out at this point  

Interesting story, I had more or less the same issue on FB. Why didn't you just plainly told the guy you wasn't interested but made up stories? I wouldn't have the energy to do it nor the nerve. When that guy didn't stop mailing me despite my telling him to stop, I just blocked him. He then tried to get in contact with me via another profile, but I noticed a very special way of writign, so I just knew it was him again, so I blocked this profile too. He took about 5 more tries to get in contact with me via various profiles, even once masked as a girl - but since I'm very choosy about whom to add to my friend's list and stuff, like you are, it wasn't difficult to sort it out.

It's rather more difficult to deal with it in real life. There was a guy who was following me for some days. Even standing beneath my window and getting off. But I just ignored him and luckily he just disappeared again. I don't know what I would've done if he followed me for a longer termn. I already was about to call the police but since he did no harm ... of course since I got a dog, I felt quite safe all the time. Can't imagine what it is like to have someone really spying on you, what a dreadful scenario Sheyda talked about.

[Baby]

well sorry i reply just now because i ain't no time to do it after my other answer on diane arbus thread. some of my friends were at home for the evening.

anyway this is a nice guy and it was my fault if i wasn't more careful that's why i replied and well i also tested his personality and mutual interests. today he sent email another email and i think i just won't reply because there is no interesting idea to develop about the things he told me.

he's french, he lives in NY and since a while i would like to move in NY but for the moment i can't because of my health. during more than the half of the year i've been trapped at home because of my knees' cartilage cracked and pain avoided me to walk and i was near to be obligated to use a wheelchair (common problem for hemophilian/von willebrand people) and since the last year i suffer of strange crisises who make me shiver, get my hands blue, my skin very cold, my internal temperature very low and stop after few hours. the most violent crisis had been the last summer in august and during 8 hours the cold was in me and i wear hot clothes, blanket, drink tea, soup, take hot bath, or turn on the radiator never change nothing and i was at the point where my heart started to be cold and got painful and i really thought i was near to make a kind of heart attack.
this last months sometimes i made 2-3-4 crisis per week and alleluia the last crisis had been there are 2 or 3 weeks ago. but i don't expect it was the last one and because of it i'm actually blocked in my country.
it's always good to know people from our nationality in the country where we would like to go and more particularly when our health is fragile...

and sometimes people think i'm a trany, not because i told them this kind of stuff but because A on my second facebook i selected "male" as my genre (i wear a mixed name) to avoid people who could find me and i don't wanna see in my private life and make they think  i'm someone else. and B because i really love dragkings/dragqueens because i think they are wonderful people. they show their troubles, their identical crisis and in same time impose who they are even if society reject(ed) them particularly during the first decades of the XX century. and i have many and many pictures of them in my facebook...

[SympathysSilhouette]

PinkCouture, on Aug 16 2007, 04:54 AM, said:

Being stalked by my ex was one of the most traumatizing experience I have ever had

Sorry to hear that Pinks.

Most of my exes made it abundantly clear they no longer wanted me in their lives and I always get the message at the first hint.

[vanessaaa]

I have been online stalked? many times. sometimes by girls that will do anything to get to me, hack my facebook,send emails to my employees,friends,family...and they live across the world.  it's not as threatening because it's online but its annoying.   I have been harrassed online by men who are double my age and have sent me rude photos and such, but blocking and reporting,deleting is possible on the interent,not real life.

Stalking is a strong word though.

[Nightlife]

Genreal rule of thumb: If you're attractive it's called confidently persistent. If you're ugly it's called being a stalker.

[DanniCullen]

Nightlife, on Dec 20 2011, 01:11 AM, said:

Genreal rule of thumb: If you're attractive it's called confidently persistent. If you're ugly it's called being a stalker.

[TheEnigma]

vanessaaa, on Dec 20 2011, 12:12 AM, said:

I have been online stalked? many times. sometimes by girls that will do anything to get to me, hack my facebook,send emails to my employees,friends,family...and they live across the world.  it's not as threatening because it's online but its annoying.   I have been harrassed online by men who are double my age and have sent me rude photos and such, but blocking and reporting,deleting is possible on the interent,not real life.

Stalking is a strong word though.

Feel for you vanessaaa, way out of order, whats wrong with some people.

[La Parisienne]

Best way to deal with haters: Keep calm, and stay classy.